On the negative side: I lost some self-respect, and some trust in my judgment of other people. Those losses came specifically from experiences with Guy and S2; they're connected to me being poly because I wouldn't have been involved with either man otherwise, but I don't feel that those losses are from *poly*. They're from me getting involved with people who weren't right for me.
On the positive side: I've lost the feeling of being "trapped" in my marriage. I've lost the feeling of being a burden to Hubby because he was the only person in my life I could talk to. I've lost the belief that wanting different things sexually from what Hubby wants means there's something wrong with me. (Well, mostly.) I've lost feeling lonely all the time because Hubby doesn't interact with me much and there wasn't anyone else.
I've lost the inability to communicate with Hubby about our marriage, because we both believe it's vital to have an open line of communication if we're going to make this work. (There have unquestionably been glitches, but for the most part, communication has improved.) I've lost the fear that I was presenting to Alt and Country a "barely existing" woman with little say in her own life, which is pretty much the opposite of what I'd like them to be. I've lost the *feeling* of barely existing.
Most importantly, I've lost--or at least am losing--the decades of belief that there's something horribly messed up about me that makes me unhappy and uncomfortable in a monogamous relationship.
On the positive side: I've lost the feeling of being "trapped" in my marriage. I've lost the feeling of being a burden to Hubby because he was the only person in my life I could talk to. I've lost the belief that wanting different things sexually from what Hubby wants means there's something wrong with me. (Well, mostly.) I've lost feeling lonely all the time because Hubby doesn't interact with me much and there wasn't anyone else.
I've lost the inability to communicate with Hubby about our marriage, because we both believe it's vital to have an open line of communication if we're going to make this work. (There have unquestionably been glitches, but for the most part, communication has improved.) I've lost the fear that I was presenting to Alt and Country a "barely existing" woman with little say in her own life, which is pretty much the opposite of what I'd like them to be. I've lost the *feeling* of barely existing.
Most importantly, I've lost--or at least am losing--the decades of belief that there's something horribly messed up about me that makes me unhappy and uncomfortable in a monogamous relationship.