How Did You Come Out?

vansername

New member
So, basically, I'm out as Poly to a few friends, my partners, my mom, and my sister. There are some people that I want to come out to, and I've decided how I'd explain polyamory to them, but, not how I'd bridge to the topic of eing Poly myself. For those of you that are out to people, how'd you do it?
 
For me it just comes out in conversation. I'm not real close with my family. Only my oldest daughter knows. When I was married, most of our close mutual friends were swingers so it was not strange to them. With casual or work friends it just came up because they would get confused if I mentioned seeing someone other than my wife. So I'd just tell them we had an open relationship.

I'm the type that doesn't really care what people think of me. Deal with or we don't have to be friends.
 
I'm sure you could find a great deal about coming out if you search the threads as well. :)

Personally, I'm out to all of my friends, most of my work colleagues, and Jack and Taylor's family. I intend to come out to my family soon and am being respectful of Roger's desire not to come out to his family (though I've pushed him on his sis, one of my closest friends).

I've found that the more confident I am in being poly, the less I care about how others respond. I came out to one of my friends recently who had a pretty negative reaction, but she later texted me to process it and shared about how much she admired my sense of confidence and self-assurance.

Most of the time, I don't use the word poly, unless I think they'll know what that means. I just say I have two partners and that I've been with each for a long time. Usually no questions are asked afterwards and we just continue along in our conversation.
 
The Search function is your friend! See this discussion, which is sort of a Master Thread on the subject: Coming Out. Lots shared there, and lots to learn from all of the posts.

(Set your page view to 40 posts per page in your User CP, for easier reading of long threads)

I agree with not using the word polyamory - too many misconceptions. I just tell people I don't have exclusive relationships.
 
I've personally outed myself to one or two people: my older brother, and his wife. The subject came up in an email to them, and I hinted at what kind of relationship I do (and don't) have with my two poly companions. I also swore my brother and his wife to secrecy, which I knew would work because they're really good at zipping the lip. Then, a week or two ago, I was with my brother while he was walking the dog and the subject came up again, in the form of asking what most of my computer time is spent on. So, I told him about this forum and gave him the URL. From there the conversation evolved into a "what the hell" moment for me and I just decided to describe my V outright to him. I told him that it was like Snowbunny had two husbands, that I was treated like a husband even though I couldn't legally be one. And I didn't ask him not to tell his wife, so maybe she knows now 100%.

I was quite careful about who I told, not just that they could keep my secret for me, but also that I knew I could count on them to receive the information with an open mind, and that they both cared about me faithfully as well. They've both been totally cool about it, and said that the only thing that mattered to them was that I (along with Snowbunny and Brother-Husband) was happy with the situation.
 
I think "coming out" is the scariest part of poly for me. I have 11 kids (8 natural) and they are all adults but the 3 left at home (16. 15 and 12) and they are going to FLIP OUT when they find out. I told my mom about our living situation and she was surprisingly ok with it after a few days of thinking it over, but my kids will NOT understand and they will judge the crap out of this. In public, our "V" has no problem showing affection and it seems very natural to us. I could care less who thinks what and I want both of my men to feel as special as they are to me. Family... that is a different thing. I think the holidays are going to be the time that it all unfolds...
 
That doesn't sound fun. :(
 
Heh, you can't have too many poly neighbors. :D
 
15 years Ex got a girlfriend, we told our families. I tell everyone I'm in an open relationship without issue. Even after all these years my ex father in law says my boyfriend is just a phase lol
 
We have come out to some friends. But it is still an ongoing issue.We are careful in N's country for safety reasons. But some friends and parts of his family know.

Nobody in L's family or mine knows, and it bothers me although many of our friends know. I feel like I am carrying this big secret and I am longing for the time I can open up more about it.

The boys are reluctant to spill the beans, so there we go. But sometimes I tell even new friends. I guess I feel that they should know as much about me.

when we have told people, we have used the word polyamory, but mostly we just tell people that I have two boyfriends and that they are my equal partners. One friend told me "you might break up soon" - now we have dated 2 years and she changed, now she asks how he is doing and can she see him soon...

A major issue with being open is the long distance, which makes it easier to keep it a secret. Hopefully that will change when N moves here.
 
Coming out is an ongoing thing, really. You will always meet new people and decide whether or not to come out to them.

I am out to all my nearest and dearest as poly. Just recently I came out to one of my relatives that I've not had much contact with. That happened over email, since we were having an email conversation. I told them that I live with my husband and my other life partner and that I am not advertising my family situation to neighbors and all relatives. There was no reaction to the poly news in the subsequent conversation, but they are planning on coming to visit me. So I guess the news was taken in a good way.

I am also feeling the need to be less closeted lately. I think it might have to do with the NRE I am feeling with Jeremy; he is local and since I am closeted we can't share any PDA's and that is bugging me. Still think I will wait with coming out locally at least until the NRE has run its course.
 
Pretty much the same way I came out as gay.

I came out as gay at 14, though it was pretty freaking obvious anyway. That was just the official coming out. I came out as poly at 22, around the same time I started being openly atheist. Because of my habits, lifestyle, etc that I didn't exactly hide, it wasn't any real surprise to anyone on any of these fronts.

Now, I come from a fundamentalist Christian family, so all of these traits are things they have big problems with, but I just go the "none of your business" route when they give me a hard time.
 
It's just a baby step really, but I've just started a new job, and the first activity on day one was "desert island" - i.e. the three things you'd take with you.

I said, my husband, my boyfriend and my husband's best friend, because he's a survivalist and would come with everything else that was needed.

Noone's asked me exactly what I meant yet lol.
 
I generally don't talk about my relationships - not because I'm hiding in the closet (I really don't have any reason to hide), but because I like my privacy. I just feel like it's a "need to know" thing. I don't like people getting up in my business. I haven't even told two of my close friends that I had a couple of vacations this summer. I don't want to answer questions. I don't even like it when I get back from lunch and my co-workers ask me where I went to eat. I always think, "Jeez, can't that part of my day at least belong to me?" So, no, I am not going into detail about my love life.

I am pretty much an introvert who likes to keep my private life private.
 
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