I am sorry you continue to struggle. I mean all this kindly, ok?
I agree with FallenAngelina. This is no longer your concern. Could decide to let it GO.
In that sense my advice is
largely unchanged from before. If this is stressing you out? Change
how you participate or stop participating entirely.
I told him that we are no longer in a relationship and that he needs to call his therapist. I told him we would see each other once a week to keep the lines of communication open.
Sounds like they broke up. Sounds like it really annoys you that he still gets sucked back in by her.
Well, you broke up. You keep getting sucked back in by him. Sometimes when situations hold up a mirror, we don't like seeing it.
You do NOT need to see each other once a week "to keep lines of communication open." If this frequency is stressing you out? It could be once a month or once a semester or once a year. That is "keeping a line open." It doesn't HAVE to be a "frequent flier speed dial" kind of line. It could also be NO contact until you are more healed and more past the break up. Like 30 days no contact. THEN try being exes and friends on Low Contact. Give yourself some time and some closure first.
You could also decide that if he keeps on picking her out? To be on the edges of his network or in his network? You cannot control that part.
What you CAN control is who YOU pick out to hang around with. So if he's doing weirdo with her? Decide that you will stop picking him out. Just be (exes). Skip trying to be (exes and good friends) if doing that is damaging your mental health/stress levels.
You have choices.
Exercise them. Evaluate how you choose to participate here, if at all.
If he goes back to her it will be back to the girl who ignored him, who wouldn't cuddle with him and he needs that, who didn't engage his friends and spend time with him.
And HE is free to choose that and deal with the consequences of HIS choice. We all have free will.
(Who he picks to hang out with) is not your concern as his ex.
I really don't care if I end up with him. I want him. I love him like I've loved no one else, and I do think he's worth it.
That is a mixed message. Which is also moot -- since you have broken up. You are not with him any more. Let it be done.
I can imagine that you are grieving post break up and that it is hard.
Perhaps navigating the bargaining
stage of grief. I encourage you to focus on what YOU need to heal and do your self care. If "peeking in the window" to see what he's doing with himself after the break up results in your own break up healing process taking longer or being more stressy?
You have to stop peeking and detach/distance some. Because being this close is dinging you. And you are the one putting yourself this close.
I just want him to be happy and giving her all the power and not asking for changes and just going back to the same thing isn't okay.
You can wish him well and hope he finds happiness. That is ok.
The part in grey is
not up to you. Those are his behaviors to decide/do.
Make a concious effort to stop concerning yourself with his choices that HE has to make. You are NOT him. I think you are allowing his stuff to take up too much of your time and energy. HE is in charge of his happiness/non-happiness. He is in charge of what he wants to be doing post-breakup in HIS life.
YOU could focus on your own stuff. What YOU need to be more at ease, less stressed, and more at peace post break up in YOUR life. Attend to your OWN happiness. Attend to your own self care. Stop neglecting your stuff in favor of over-involvement in his stuff.
You did not sound happy (in this situation) before.
You also do not sound happy (being broken up but still peeking in the window to see what he is doing.)
Your behavior could change. Just be (broken up with NO peeking.)
I suggest you let it go and let it be what it will be on his end. Let him be responsible for his own self. Get yourself out of the line of fire and stop being so close to this. Stop peeking in his window.
If you are no longer dating him? Dial down the weekly contact to something more manageable if you want to be (exes and friends). Like once a month or less.
And if he brings her up? You say "No. That is stuff you talk to your therapist about. We no longer date, I'm no longer in your romantic network. And because of the recent break up and trying to be good exes and friends, I
cannot be the sounding board for that. Please respect my limit."
If he does not respect it? Stop hanging out with a person who does not respect your limit. Just be (exes) and not trying to be (exes and friends.) It is not your job to be his life preserver. He has a therapist.
I get this is frustrating. But you do not have to stay at a loss adrift in a pile of snow. You could create your own path. You have options you can exercise. You could make a decision and start shoveling in that direction.
When you make a firm decision and then align your own behavior toward that? Things get a lot simpler.
You get to ask yourself "I want to be THERE. Does this behavior help me get there or not?"
Galagirl