Casual three some but I want poly relationship

Husband has said it's all cool as long as i just like the friend and don't fall in love, but where is the line.

If it is that Hubby wants to dictate what you get to feel and when? You have bigger problems than trying to learn to poly -- you have a controlling husband who sees you as an object that belongs to him, not as a person in your own right. Put the brakes on and deal with THAT before trying to deal with "learning to poly."

If it is that Hubby doesn't want to know? Tell him you cannot promise him that you won't fall in love but you can promise not to tell. You could create a DADT agreement with Hubby before going further. Then if you DO fall in love with BF, you just don't tell that to Hubby. And he doesn't ask you if you are in love with BF. You both get to sidestep the issue. If you both are happy with that agreement? Great.

If you cannot live with a DADT? Suggest a different agreement with hubby or let go of wanting to poly. Stop all these behaviors so you don't fall in love.

Poly is very DIY. Nobody's is the same as someone else's. You get to MAKE your lines in your poly. Get on with making it.

How do others deal with these types of things? I mean there are a lot of closed minded people in the world and what happened last night can't happen again because it was ridiculous.

Tell your (Potential BF person?) to stop introducing you as his GF prematurely to his friends in mixed company at bars. He is jumping the gun -- before you guys have even sat down to decide how "out" you want to be and where. It can lead to fights, job loss, and more in some areas.

When it is time, meet his friends in his home, in the car on the way somewhere, or at poly meet-ups-- some place where you aren't being overheard by rude people who can't mind their own business and who are just looking for a fight. If your BF can't use discretion and good judgement? These random fights and other problems you encounter are going to get old fast. And expensive if it ends up in ER trips.

He sounds like your husband. Right now mostly wanting to show you off for the attention it brings HIM or show off how "cool" he is dating a woman with a husband. Not so much into thinking what is healthy relating and what is good for the people involved and how to make this actually WORK.

I still think you could slow all this WAY down and get all your agreements sorted out first.

Galagirl
 
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I like the idea of a DADT policy. Sounds good to me. And I agree with the discretion. It's funny how people can cheat all the time and society just overlooks it, but an arrangement like mine has people thinking they can say things. If I was out with BF and people knew I was married it wouldn't matter. No one cares about the local slut here who does it all the time. Yet the fact my husband knows and is present throws closed minded people off. Smh.
 
If there's a closed-minded person who isn't directly involved, why does their opinion matter? So some drunk sack of shit called you names. So what? That's his problem. He's an asshole who can't mind his own business. Don't make him *your* problem, although that seems to be what happened. Just ignore. If they're too loud to ignore, walk away. Life's too short to waste on someone who already is a waste.
 
I have to suggest finding an organized swingers' group. Not my thing, but I did greatly enjoy hanging out with a Minneapolis organization that hosted frequent dances & public get-togethers.

It often seemed that the sex was just icing, & they mostly enjoyed the opportunity to openly flirt & demonstrate affection without fear of pissing someone off. The OP stirred up echoes.
 
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