Yes, I would prefer and expect a heads up from either of my partners if they were to start doing any more than casually chatting/flirting with someone outside our polycule. And by that, I mean a potential new dating partner.
The point is kind of moot right now, as we are in a closed V type triad and have ALL agreed not to introduce anyone new into our situation in terms of sexual partners at the moment.
However, there were a couple of incidents of "lying by omission" in the year or so before we settled into ethical polyamory - that caused some distrust and safety concerns, and which rendered prompt disclosure as the default MO we are all keen to uphold as we move forward.
For example, before I got involved with either of them, my partners had a FWB arrangement. When they hit a rough spot, Boho secretly started dating one of Jester's closest friends, D (potential messy list person). The other guy was aware of Boho's involvement with Jester from the start, however it was only when D allowed jealousy to get the better of him and tried to cowboy Boho away from Jester that the whole thing was dragged out into the light. Turns out, Jester didn't particularly mind, but it did give him pause to contemplate Boho's reasons for not sharing this info with him earlier and her inherent trustworthiness. Especially since they hadn't been employing safe sex practices.
Similarly, when Jester and I first began chatting online, I made no secret about the fact that I was still married, albeit separated, and not looking to get involved in some complicated romantic scenario. Despite me asking straight out about his situation, however, Jester chose NOT to share the fact that he was involved with Boho (a mutual friend), nor did he inform her that he was interested in a relationship with me - which became much more of an issue when I finally deduced what was going on than it would have been had everyone been kept in the loop from the get-go.
So yeah, I would MUCH prefer to know ahead of time if either of my partners is starting to develop a romantic/sexual interest in anyone else. If so, we can take the rest of it from there. (i.e. discussions regarding boundaries, time management, safe sex practises etc.)
The point is kind of moot right now, as we are in a closed V type triad and have ALL agreed not to introduce anyone new into our situation in terms of sexual partners at the moment.
However, there were a couple of incidents of "lying by omission" in the year or so before we settled into ethical polyamory - that caused some distrust and safety concerns, and which rendered prompt disclosure as the default MO we are all keen to uphold as we move forward.
For example, before I got involved with either of them, my partners had a FWB arrangement. When they hit a rough spot, Boho secretly started dating one of Jester's closest friends, D (potential messy list person). The other guy was aware of Boho's involvement with Jester from the start, however it was only when D allowed jealousy to get the better of him and tried to cowboy Boho away from Jester that the whole thing was dragged out into the light. Turns out, Jester didn't particularly mind, but it did give him pause to contemplate Boho's reasons for not sharing this info with him earlier and her inherent trustworthiness. Especially since they hadn't been employing safe sex practices.
Similarly, when Jester and I first began chatting online, I made no secret about the fact that I was still married, albeit separated, and not looking to get involved in some complicated romantic scenario. Despite me asking straight out about his situation, however, Jester chose NOT to share the fact that he was involved with Boho (a mutual friend), nor did he inform her that he was interested in a relationship with me - which became much more of an issue when I finally deduced what was going on than it would have been had everyone been kept in the loop from the get-go.
So yeah, I would MUCH prefer to know ahead of time if either of my partners is starting to develop a romantic/sexual interest in anyone else. If so, we can take the rest of it from there. (i.e. discussions regarding boundaries, time management, safe sex practises etc.)