nosayingbagpipe
New member
The basics-
Myself (W) and my long-term partner (J) have been together in a mono way for about 7 years, about 1.5yrs ago we decided to go open and now love it and will never go back.
The couple we have begun seeing are essentially in the same boat, long term mostly mono, went poly, love it and now see the two of us. (M&A)
So what we have is a hetero quad, I date my partner (J) and the guy from their setup (M) and my partner dates me (W) and the female from their set up (A). We all greatly adore one another and A and I are quite close friends now while J and M are slowly working to get a good friendship going.
We have quickly discovered that we are now dating our mirror personalities. Myself and M are shockingly similar, bit wild, bit loud, throw in some ADHD and a really high sex drive and you basically have us down.
The other two, J and A, are our more grounded, introverted counterparts who are more than happy watching a sunset together but also are enjoying their new budding sex life with each other.
The Problems-
M and I are falling for each other, madly. It's been very wild and very quick for the two of us and we are continuously struggling to stay at a pace that our counterparts are Ok with but both realize the importance of this. On top of just falling in love with each other we have an explosively good sex life, not just new relationship good, but 'holyshitihavefoundthegoldenegg' sort of good.
Both myself and M have been struggling with keeping the passion with our primary partners for some time now. We both love our primaries (J and A) with a very deep and very respectful sort of love, but the sex life is fading for the both of us and the passion has become a real struggle to maintain. Neither of us are willing to risk losing our primaries regardless of frustrations that may bring and activly want to find a way to reignite that passion.
J and myself both acknowledge the fading passion, we discuss how we could improve but I'm afraid now that I'm quickly learning just how different our personal sexualities are. He's got very insecure as of late now that he's aware of just how well its going between M and I. I try to be as understanding as possible but recently it seems that he's unconsciously doing everything he can to prevent me from continuing my intimate relationship with M.
(such as saying hes not comfortable with us getting a hotel room together, or possibly setting up a bed in the spare room in our house etc. or any other various ways we've sought to get some genuine privacy)
I've asked J to help me possibly find a way to have regular privacy that he's comfortable with and it always ends in arguing, I'm told I should be happy with what I've been 'allowed' to do so far. I feel like a bratty kid.
It has also become apparent that A is almost as uncomfortable with everything as J is. She and M have very similar sex and relationship problems as J and I do which has become a very common topic of discussion between each of us since we've started this.
J and A are slowing becoming very close with each other but they both seem to suffer quite a lot from the sudden intensity between M and I, while we are encouraging and more or less happy with how they are going along and if nothing at all are happy for them to go further.
M and I are very keen for access to regular privacy and the ability to really explore our relationship together in every way and not just sexually. (we've never even had the chance to sleep in the same bed yet, it's been 4 months now.) However the issues between us and our primaries seem to form the main issue around our inability to genuinely explore with each other. We are starting to get a bit desperate and each of us know ourselves quite well and feel that we may begin to actually resent our primaries if we have to continue going along at this forced pace, or we might do something stupid that we'll regret.
ugh...help? Advice? Thanks!
Myself (W) and my long-term partner (J) have been together in a mono way for about 7 years, about 1.5yrs ago we decided to go open and now love it and will never go back.
The couple we have begun seeing are essentially in the same boat, long term mostly mono, went poly, love it and now see the two of us. (M&A)
So what we have is a hetero quad, I date my partner (J) and the guy from their setup (M) and my partner dates me (W) and the female from their set up (A). We all greatly adore one another and A and I are quite close friends now while J and M are slowly working to get a good friendship going.
We have quickly discovered that we are now dating our mirror personalities. Myself and M are shockingly similar, bit wild, bit loud, throw in some ADHD and a really high sex drive and you basically have us down.
The other two, J and A, are our more grounded, introverted counterparts who are more than happy watching a sunset together but also are enjoying their new budding sex life with each other.
The Problems-
M and I are falling for each other, madly. It's been very wild and very quick for the two of us and we are continuously struggling to stay at a pace that our counterparts are Ok with but both realize the importance of this. On top of just falling in love with each other we have an explosively good sex life, not just new relationship good, but 'holyshitihavefoundthegoldenegg' sort of good.
Both myself and M have been struggling with keeping the passion with our primary partners for some time now. We both love our primaries (J and A) with a very deep and very respectful sort of love, but the sex life is fading for the both of us and the passion has become a real struggle to maintain. Neither of us are willing to risk losing our primaries regardless of frustrations that may bring and activly want to find a way to reignite that passion.
J and myself both acknowledge the fading passion, we discuss how we could improve but I'm afraid now that I'm quickly learning just how different our personal sexualities are. He's got very insecure as of late now that he's aware of just how well its going between M and I. I try to be as understanding as possible but recently it seems that he's unconsciously doing everything he can to prevent me from continuing my intimate relationship with M.
(such as saying hes not comfortable with us getting a hotel room together, or possibly setting up a bed in the spare room in our house etc. or any other various ways we've sought to get some genuine privacy)
I've asked J to help me possibly find a way to have regular privacy that he's comfortable with and it always ends in arguing, I'm told I should be happy with what I've been 'allowed' to do so far. I feel like a bratty kid.
It has also become apparent that A is almost as uncomfortable with everything as J is. She and M have very similar sex and relationship problems as J and I do which has become a very common topic of discussion between each of us since we've started this.
J and A are slowing becoming very close with each other but they both seem to suffer quite a lot from the sudden intensity between M and I, while we are encouraging and more or less happy with how they are going along and if nothing at all are happy for them to go further.
M and I are very keen for access to regular privacy and the ability to really explore our relationship together in every way and not just sexually. (we've never even had the chance to sleep in the same bed yet, it's been 4 months now.) However the issues between us and our primaries seem to form the main issue around our inability to genuinely explore with each other. We are starting to get a bit desperate and each of us know ourselves quite well and feel that we may begin to actually resent our primaries if we have to continue going along at this forced pace, or we might do something stupid that we'll regret.
ugh...help? Advice? Thanks!