Thank you, Magdyln. And I don't know that you're late. I feel like maybe you came in as the cavalry when I needed it most. (Thanks you too for the backup, Dagferi. Every additional voice has helped me realize that I deserve better.)
Having been around the poly block a while, I have to say we here on the board have seen your situation over and over and over again. An established couple takes in a quiet, self effacing "third," and uses her (yes, you've been used) as free nanny and housekeeper, then the legal wife gets jealous somewhere along the line and pulls the "couple privilege" card.
I think I needed someone to
say it. I've been feeling it, but worried that it was just me. Maybe that's how it is for someone who is in a physically abusive relationship too.
I have been used. I have been promised to be an equal and delivered only secondary status.
Thank you.
It's a shame Wolf has allowed this to be a Bat/Lioness thing. He seems to have checked out and just watched the catfight.
I feel a little of this too. He has tried to be reassuring and says that he will do whatever we need to help make this work (like taking 3 kid duties so we can get [more] dates if we need them), but otherwise I've kind of felt like he's left it to me to "stand up" to her about my needs, even though he's claimed the needs are shared.
Have both bio parents also been working full time since the twins were born as well?
Yes, we all work full time. Wolf and I make about the same annually, Lioness makes about what we do
combined. In order to live as a family, I currently have an hour commute to and from work. I suspect now that Lioness is concerned that I am not bringing enough to the table financially for Us to consider Baby 4, as she's just now said "my former list of concerns didn't even address practicalities like paying for college, fees and costs associated with when they get into extracurriculars, cars, car insurance, etc."
So, I am left feeling that
apparently it's okay for me to help finance
her three children, but that sharing the cost of my one would just be too much to ask for.
I am sad you all didn't look up how triads work (or don't work). There is a book and website called More Than Two, with sections on the rights of "secondaries."
https://www.morethantwo.com/polyforsecondaries.html
And honey, you are a secondary. Lioness is selfish. She is running roughshod over you. She thinks of you as lesser.
First, you're right. She is and has.
Thank you for the link-- it helped, and I'm going to share it with them too, along with the Letter to Unicorn Hunters someone else suggested.
Sadly, I am reading
More Than Two right now, in the little free time I have. I guess I must not have gotten to the secondaries section yet... or, worse, I have, but only skimmed it because I was promised that I was an equal.
I have, of course, realized now that I am not an equal.
For now, I am taking a step back from Our relationship. I would rather be a mother to Wolf's child in another household than coparent with her right now. (Assuming, of course, that Lioness will
allow him to procreate outside of their marriage.) Although, as I said, he has mentioned before that he would not be in favor of such an arrangement, so I'm not going to push for it.
I would also be content to try Us as a V, but Lioness has previously said that she refuses to be in a relationship where she is not involved with Wolf's other partner. (Unicorn Hunter, much?)
Regardless, I
know that I'm a G.D. gem, and if they can't appreciate it, I will be
fine on my own.