comingaround
New member
So I've read a lot of people expressing less concern about their partners being sexually active with other people, but then saying they would have an extremely difficult time dealing with potential emotional connection between their partners and other people.
Where do people stand on this for real? Which makes you more uneasy and why?
I ask because I am currently navigating the first poly dynamic of my relationship (5+ years) with my partner. We were historically mono/mono up until 1 year ago when we started talking about going poly. She is cis-gender, pan sexual and I am non-binary (female bodied) and attracted to women. I am not involved with anyone else, and never have been but am open to it happening in the future.
We are in a short term long distance situation (2 months, I moved across the country to start a new job while she finishes hers and will join me). But a week after I left she got drunk and made out with this very young guy. This was cheating because we hadn't agreed to anything like that yet. Anyways after getting over the betrayal etc, I have come around to their relationship.
She has expressed to me that she loves him, and that he is her only friend out there. He has kept her company and taken care of her when she was sick, and I am actually OK with all of that, happy actually that someone is there for her. However, today she asked about being physical with him.
I can deal with the discomfort of them kissing, holding hands, making out etc., but she says she wants to take it further than that, not quite intercourse or cloth-off stuff but grinding etc... "scratching the itch" if you will and I feel like this is where I totally draw the line.
She is confused though, saying if she were in my shoes she'd be more concerned with the emotional bond, which is there already. Because of her P.O.V. on the matter she feels my boundaries around their physicality are arbitrary.
Thoughts? I'm open to getting to know this guys and them sharing a loving bond, but I am SO activated at the thought of them having sex or anything like it.
Where do people stand on this for real? Which makes you more uneasy and why?
I ask because I am currently navigating the first poly dynamic of my relationship (5+ years) with my partner. We were historically mono/mono up until 1 year ago when we started talking about going poly. She is cis-gender, pan sexual and I am non-binary (female bodied) and attracted to women. I am not involved with anyone else, and never have been but am open to it happening in the future.
We are in a short term long distance situation (2 months, I moved across the country to start a new job while she finishes hers and will join me). But a week after I left she got drunk and made out with this very young guy. This was cheating because we hadn't agreed to anything like that yet. Anyways after getting over the betrayal etc, I have come around to their relationship.
She has expressed to me that she loves him, and that he is her only friend out there. He has kept her company and taken care of her when she was sick, and I am actually OK with all of that, happy actually that someone is there for her. However, today she asked about being physical with him.
I can deal with the discomfort of them kissing, holding hands, making out etc., but she says she wants to take it further than that, not quite intercourse or cloth-off stuff but grinding etc... "scratching the itch" if you will and I feel like this is where I totally draw the line.
She is confused though, saying if she were in my shoes she'd be more concerned with the emotional bond, which is there already. Because of her P.O.V. on the matter she feels my boundaries around their physicality are arbitrary.
Thoughts? I'm open to getting to know this guys and them sharing a loving bond, but I am SO activated at the thought of them having sex or anything like it.