JennySpain
New member
Can I get some thoughts or advice?
My husband and I just started cracking open the door to other relationships a couple of months ago. He was clearly very attracted to another woman and after a lot of soul searching I realized that my comfort with that attraction-- in context of our still stable, loving, sexually satisfying marriage-- might also apply to a comfort with a relationship.
I brought it up and he was very shocked but after a good discussion was relieved of a lot of guilt and we decided to give it a go.
However, things are not progressing smoothly with the two of them and it's starting to get to me!
The woman he's interested in is also his direct report, so he is proceeding with great caution. They were already friends and got drinks and so on after work, and I assumed there was attraction from her as well since she at least once went out of her way to spend time with him. However since "our conversation" as we now refer to it, she's started backing off. She declines or cancels pretty much all plans, and it just looks like it's not going to get off the ground.
The trouble for me is how much this is causing him angst. He's dying to clear the air and just ask straight out if he's got a chance, but is afraid of causing trouble in the office. He mopes when she cancels plans. He's generally acting like a teen girl, actually. I usually end up cheering him up and talking him through it.
The point of this all was to make him happy, but he's not really happy, I don't think.
I keep fantasizing about just contacting her and clearing the air on his behalf since he's so afraid. I imagine ways I might convince her to just shag him already! But I would also be happy if she just rejected him outright and he could let it go.
I know we're not precisely poly, but honestly I need somewhere to go to chat through these things! I tried talking to my best friend about it, and she was really very judgy and awful and said terrible things about my husband, so I'm not revisiting that by opening up to anyone else I know.
Should I talk to this woman? We're not friends, but we'd had a few beers together prior to "the conversation." Is there a way to fix this? Or am I just to bear my husband's mopiness until he gets over her?
BTW, the marriage is still stable, loving, and sexually satisfying. It's just punctuated with his canceled dates and subsequent angst.
My husband and I just started cracking open the door to other relationships a couple of months ago. He was clearly very attracted to another woman and after a lot of soul searching I realized that my comfort with that attraction-- in context of our still stable, loving, sexually satisfying marriage-- might also apply to a comfort with a relationship.
I brought it up and he was very shocked but after a good discussion was relieved of a lot of guilt and we decided to give it a go.
However, things are not progressing smoothly with the two of them and it's starting to get to me!
The woman he's interested in is also his direct report, so he is proceeding with great caution. They were already friends and got drinks and so on after work, and I assumed there was attraction from her as well since she at least once went out of her way to spend time with him. However since "our conversation" as we now refer to it, she's started backing off. She declines or cancels pretty much all plans, and it just looks like it's not going to get off the ground.
The trouble for me is how much this is causing him angst. He's dying to clear the air and just ask straight out if he's got a chance, but is afraid of causing trouble in the office. He mopes when she cancels plans. He's generally acting like a teen girl, actually. I usually end up cheering him up and talking him through it.
The point of this all was to make him happy, but he's not really happy, I don't think.
I keep fantasizing about just contacting her and clearing the air on his behalf since he's so afraid. I imagine ways I might convince her to just shag him already! But I would also be happy if she just rejected him outright and he could let it go.
I know we're not precisely poly, but honestly I need somewhere to go to chat through these things! I tried talking to my best friend about it, and she was really very judgy and awful and said terrible things about my husband, so I'm not revisiting that by opening up to anyone else I know.
Should I talk to this woman? We're not friends, but we'd had a few beers together prior to "the conversation." Is there a way to fix this? Or am I just to bear my husband's mopiness until he gets over her?
BTW, the marriage is still stable, loving, and sexually satisfying. It's just punctuated with his canceled dates and subsequent angst.