Sexual Shame - History & Consequences

As I was reading this article - http://postmasculine.com/sexual-shame/comment-page-1 - it occurred to me that the article did not distinquish between "healthy shame" and "toxic shame," a distinction I originally learned from John Bradshaw. -- http://www.goodreads.com/work/quotes/94854-healing-the-shame-that-binds-you

The basic distinction between "healthy shame" and "toxic shame," according to Bradshaw is that "healthy shame" is about "what I did" while toxic shame is about "who I am".

The kind of sexual shame I find interesting is the toxic shame kind. It seems to be highly pervasive.

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Bradshaw video:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5q2tZa1gp8Q
 
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Re: https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=kMyyRBZkqVU ... we are a shame-driven culture, and it'll sound mean of me to say it, but shame is a tool of control, and the Catholic Church (along with most or all of the Protestant churches) has used it a lot. To the point where we're so permeated with shame that it affects all parts of us, not just the religious parts. To the point where shame has become a self-motivated machine and the Church doesn't even need to participate.

Guilt = I made a mistake. Shame = I am a mistake. (Quoting from the Ted talk speaker above.)
 
Guilt = I made a mistake. Shame = I am a mistake. (Quoting from the Ted talk speaker above.)

As with all things, many views and opinions exist on this topic.

I prefer John Bradshaw's perspective on shame, in which he emphasizes that there are two basic kinds of shame: "healthy shame" and "toxix shame".

In "healthy shame," one is ashamed momentarily because one has done something hurtful or harmful to another (or maybe even to one's self). This "healthy shame" experience passes before long, as it is about an event, not about one's own self or nature. One learns from the experience and moves on -- with greater sensitivity and compassion for self and other.

In "toxic shame," the shame is not event-oriented, but person oriented. It says "I'm a very bad person." ... rather than, "I did a very bad thing".

One can learn from having done a very bad thing, but if one takes one's self to be "a very bad person," that's toxic shame.

I take toxic shame as always factually inaccurate. Only situational, "healthy shame" is ever valid and true.
 
I think of "healthy shame" as "remorse." A rose by any other name and all that. So is all sexual shame toxic? How do we know the difference?
 
I think of "healthy shame" as "remorse." A rose by any other name and all that.

Given the "rose by any other name" factor, I think we might as well use the terms "toxic shame" and "healthy shame" here -- just to be clear about the distinction. I'm also perfectly happy to call "healthy shame" by the name "remorse". But why change course, when doing so may lead to unnecessary confusion?

So is all sexual shame toxic? How do we know the difference?

I would define "toxic sexual shame" (TSS) as shame about the very fact that one is a sexual being to begin with. At least, that's the beginning of any useful exposition on the topic, which gets more detailed and nuanced from there.

I see (TSS) as profoundly related to somatophobia (fear and/or hatred directed at the body), and agree with certain authors (e.g., Will Johnson) that modern Western culture is somewhat somatophobic. I would speculate that the root context, or source, of TSS is somatophobia (which is generally derived from certain religious traditions).

I don't think homophobia or heterosexism (for example) would (or can) exist without some degree or kind of TSS. Likewise female genital mutilation ( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Female_genital_mutilation ). I'm sure we could list hundreds of such symptoms.

So is all sexual shame toxic? How do we know the difference?

I don't think all sexual shame is necessarily TSS, but I would argue that the overwhelming majority of modern people do suffer from some degree or another of TSS -- with much variation from culture to culture, nation to nation....
 
Toxic Sexual Shame (TSS)

I thought of another salient example /symptom of TSS: slut shaming.

I'm beginning a list.



Examples / symptoms of TSS

  • homophobia & heterosexism
    (including gay bashing -- physical and verbal)
  • female genital mutilation
  • Honor killings
  • many gay teen suicides
  • slut shaming
  • "polyphobia" (monogamism?)
  • demanding virginity before marriage
  • Add your examples to this list.


>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Also of interest:

Sexual repression
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sexual_repression

Sexual ethics
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sexual_ethics

Linking Sexual Shame and Addiction
By Robert Weiss LCSW, CSAT-S
http://blogs.psychcentral.com/sex/2014/02/linking-sexual-shame-and-addiction/

Excerpt:

"Sexual shame often forms in childhood, most often as the result of early sexual trauma (overt, covert, or even societal) coupled with emotional abuse/neglect. Many sexually shamed children begin to self-medicate these painful feelings relatively early in life, usually during adolescence and sometimes even before. (Body image issues, shame about being looked at and/or touched inappropriately, and feeling icky about too much trust and affection can all begin very early in childhood.) For the luckless kids in these and similar family-attachment situations, the process of self-medicating typically involves alcohol and/or either prescription or illicit drugs. That said, many such children also learn that they can self-soothe with sexual behaviors (including sexual fantasy and masturbation), usually by eroticizing and reenacting their sexual shame – which, unfortunately, exacerbates their preexisting sexual shame, creating an even deeper sense of emotional discomfort and a more powerful need/desire to escape and dissociate."
 
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Re: examples/symptoms of TSS ... how about anti-masturbation doctrines?
 
Re: examples/symptoms of TSS ... how about anti-masturbation doctrines?

Yup. I'd put that on the list. It's rather silly, isn't it?





Hilarious Anti-Masturbation Campaign Waged By BYU

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ueuz0-Rnd5c
 
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[SMH] Ya gotta love BYU.
 
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