In the garden

Today (22/7) is the day Lance gets back to the UK. Except time differences mean that it'll be my tomorrow. And I'm still thinking I'll leave it to him to reach out. It's been a very long two and a half weeks. I've done so much but not been able to tell him about any of it. I hope I'll be able to sift through the recount with him, but right now I have no clue as to our "status".
 
Lance has let me know he's back home. Too exhausted to talk right now, which is very understandable, but will endeavour to catch up during the week.

Golf might be up this way on Friday! Has suggested coffee if he is. I appreciate the intention.

Cheese just texted to say he's found a new chick. Oh thank god. His 'it's complicated' was so wrong for him. And he knew it.

Today is another stunning winter's day. I will aim to spend a little time in the garden as well as with the books today.

Oh, yesterday I swapped some books out from the bookshelf. I now have my collection of Asimov's non fiction at hand.
 
I spoke with Lance this morning. We mostly talked about my last 3 weeks rather than his. He's not ready to talk about his. But he said he missed me and thought about me every day.
We're good.
And I have a new standing order. I'm a very happy girl.
 
It's Saturday and I'm procrastinating until I am going out to the munch this afternoon in town.
I went for a walk this morning. Fourth day in a row now. Longest yet. My muscles everywhere have stopped complaining with the new exercise except every time I pick up the pace into a jog my right calf muscle feels terrible, almost like a cramp but not quite as intense. I should ask Universe Fan about it. We're still vaguely in touch.
But in short, I'm learning my body again. I'll be kind to it and stick to a brisk walk for a while longer.
Adam is out of town for the weekend. I used to look forward to making other dates on weekends like this, but I simply don't care right now. Wee libido slump happening. That's one of the reasons I want to get fit again, I always feel sexier when I'm in clothes I just can't wear right now.
I'm not getting anything productive done here, I should just go into town and do some groceries I can't get here.

Onwards.
 
What is it with you Americans and not cooking?
Somehow Lance and I ended up talking about making dinner and he said he hasn't had a home made meal cooked for him in years. Years. And I'm thinking, hold on, Jen visited at April and you've just got back from the States, you've had over a month of in-person time this year and she didn't cook once???? (Apparently not).
I asked Adam about this, as he has been to the States albeit many years ago, and he agreed that a home cooked dinner was a rare thing. Mind. Blown. UF cooks, he sent me food porn! Apparently this is anomalous behaviour??????? This is even more perturbing (to me) as Jen has 3 kids. I can't imagine not cooking from scratch for kids. Culture shock galore. Can anyone enlighten me as to this not cooking thing?
 
What is it with you Americans and not cooking?

I can't imagine not cooking from scratch for kids. Culture shock galore. Can anyone enlighten me as to this not cooking thing?

I cannot enlighten you, I'm afraid.

Both my partners live in The States - although one is European by birth. Both cook regularly. When I spent a month there last year, I got home-cooked meals the majority of the time. When we all went to stay a week in a rented cabin, we shopped for groceries beforehand and cooked each and every day. Sure, we also had our fair share of "take-out" but this was the exception rather than the rule.
 
I live in a suburban city in the western US. We were house hunting some years ago and when we were enthusing over the spacious and well equipped kitchen of one house, our realtor said "But how often will you really use the kitchen?" I was very surprised by the question and answered "Wellll...Every day 3 times a day?"

I have heard that some people like to have a fancy kitchen but almost always eat food prepared elsewhere. I would have thought that was an big city thing but you can get take out or delivery easily almost anywhere. Not to mention all the packaged meals that barely need more than a microwave.

Still, it seems strange to me that people might not cook.

Leetah
 
I would adore a decent kitchen!!!! Our house really needs renovation, but we don't have the income at the moment.

Thank you all, it's nice to know that cooking is alive and well in the States. I guess if I lived in Wellington (our capital and my original home town) then (with enough income) I could eat out more frequently, but where I live now we have:
2 Chinese takeaways
1 terrible pizza shop (not even a chain one)
Subway
Indian (hit or miss depending on which chef is on)
A burger place that's a fixed food truck style (shipping container)
A couple of fish and chip shops
A couple of bar/restaurants (both pretty bad)
A few lunch places, (pies/sushi/coffee and panini or whatever is in fashion right now).

But generally, you'd get bored pretty quickly around here if you couldn't cook!

I have an assignment due today. It's written, I just need to upload it.

At the munch on Saturday a casual play partner showed up unexpectedly. He brought a new chick with him and I ended up back at their motel that night. I assisted with her first Sybian experience, but then it broke!!! Hahaha, I sure hope he can fix it. I don't like it myself, but it's his party trick. I was drinking so I stayed over but didn't sleep well, so I spent Sunday very quietly and just did the grocery shopping and had a few phone calls. I talked to my parents. Long overdue. Dad has had a mole removed and is awaiting biopsy results. Mum had an MRI on her shoulder, although they probably won't be able to fix what they find anyway. I told Mum my uni results from semester one. She sounded disappointed. I didn't even call her on it. She'd just say she didn't mean it. My GPA is 6.75 here, which is your 3.3 according to Google, or a very high B+. That'll do.
 
I personally love to cook and cook for myself most days, but I live in Seattle and could literally get delivery from hundreds of restaurants at the drop of hat. It's very easy to get in the habit of ordering in or picking up takeout, especially if you work all day.
 
I'd go broke if I tried to eat out/order in every night!

We've had a small windfall so I told Mike I'd like to buy one of his artworks I've had my eye on. He was a little coy about it. I'm confused. He knew I would. I "bags'd" it months ago.

I'm now about 6 days into my task for Lance. The agreement is that I get my butt out for a vigorous walk every day (well, I had Sunday as a rest day) and send him a photo every day of something from the circuit. It's effective LOL. On Saturday that was the only thing that got me out of the house. But I've found a route I like doing that will be easy to extend as I get fitter. I'm already noticing the fitness difference (heart and lungs) and it's not even a week.

I'm currently working on an assignment and finding it very frustrating. I have two days to be happy with it. I'll get there.
 
Walking took a hiatus after a something went really wrong with my calf muscle. I think it was a nasty cramp. It's still a little sore so I went for a short, gentle walk today.

I spoke with Lance this morning. He's about to have some big changes starting. He's made a decision to sell everything up and go travelling for a bit. I don't think he'll travel this far. Jen would likely have opinions about that. He's hoping to go back to the States for a couple of weeks ASAP. I got a little afraid again, because he's already shown that when he's there he's out of contact. He's not talking about staying there, but then he could be going to propose and get her (and her kids) the appropriate visas to be able to take them with him. I have no idea. We haven't talked about his last trip. But he's turning his life upside down. I'm excited for him, without a doubt. I will be the cheering squad no matter what. I'm very afraid of not being a part of his life any more, but there's not much I can do about that if it happens. I can't offer what Jen can, and I suspect their connection is a remarkable one. So, I'll keep doing whatever it is he and I are doing in this fuzzy space we hold for each other. And when it needs to change, it will.

(this may read like a good imitation of emotional management, but I'm on the verge of tears, again.)
 
Mike told me today that things with his sub are waning. He's a little confused as she hasn't been communicative. I haven't told him that a former Dom of hers has told me this is her m.o. - she doesn't break up with someone, she just drifts.

Once upon a time I would have been all, "ooo, pick me next please!" but I'm a little surprised that I am now not so needy for him. I mostly like where we're at, and I've told him as much. Our fuzzy space is also supportive friends, as a foundation. I guess I keep focusing on having a plate and a half full of studies right now. I'll catch up with him sometime after my next practicum is over.
 
We've had a small windfall so I told Mike I'd like to buy one of his artworks I've had my eye on. He was a little coy about it. I'm confused. He knew I would. I "bags'd" it months ago.

So the coyness was because Adam had already sneakily arranged with Mike to complete the purchase and it was in his possession already! Mike wasn't comfortable outright lying to me but didn't want to ruin Adam's surprise. So not too long after, Adam set up this gorgeous follow the string treasure hunt for me one morning to lead me all around our property and eventually back inside to where he was waiting with the artwork!!! It was joyous.
 
My heart is going to break over and over before Lance drifts out of my life. But I'm still not going to waste one second of the time we have left, or cut it short.

He's headed back to America. Not precisely sure when, but this year. Hopefully, for him, for good. He was slightly surprised when I said to him tonight to not visit me on the way there. He asked why I said that. I told him that it was because he would be because he would be thinking about getting there the whole time. He took a moment of serious consideration, then agreed with me.

I am full of wishes. One is that they really are a match and it all works out and he's happy. Another is that they'd just met a year later and I would have had the chance to meet him in person myself first, to have been able to show him around my country, but mostly to hug him. Another is that she wasn't so proprietary and she'd have no problem with our friendship continuing. But, if wishes were fishes...

So, I'll enjoy this next few months as much as possible then wish him well as he goes on with his next chapter.
 
I'm quite overwhelmed with my studies at the moment. I'm retraining as a secondary teacher and I'm currently on placement in a school and it's not that enjoyable. Well, that's not entirely true. One class is not that enjoyable. The others are tolerable. But I'm going to have to manage my university's requirements carefully as this time of the school year is not going to match their demands about the number of lessons I lead teach. I'm also not sure how I'm going to do the assignments I'm supposed to be doing while I'm here. It's just a poor fit. Sigh.

Mike's been having a hell of a time recently (family) and he's got a new - something - I'm not sure exactly what they're describing it as. So ol' faithful here is on the back burner.

Cheese is visiting in a couple of weekends time while Adam is out of town. He's keen to arrive on Friday afternoon, do the work around the house then (he's an electrician) and leave us the rest of the weekend to eat, drink and be merry. I'll be exhausted by the time he goes!

The grief about Lance comes and goes. There's still a little time.
 
Last night, I danced around the room and giggled like a schoolgirl. It's magical being the recipient of three little words for the first time. Fuzzy space is definitely a warm fuzzy space today.

And on another note, Cheese arrives for a visit today. Adam's popping out of town for the weekend.
And I'm also starting an online scene on Fet (pm me if you want more info).

I've been waiting at the bus stop and suddenly it's all at once.
 
Cheese's visit was a disaster. He won't be welcome back for a long time.

The online scene was terrible, and I am super grateful for my husband, loves and friends who pulled me through the nastiness.

And it feels like absolutely none of that matters because things are so amazing with Lance. I got very brave this past week and used my words deliberately. Before, I'd said, "you're welcome here," and, "I'm looking forward to showing you around my country/giving you a hug," but I'd been afraid to state the whole truth because I didn't want to scare him off or put him in an impossible situation. I'd previously said, "don't be here on your way to Jen, I couldn't bear it if we both knew you were itching to get there and couldn't be fully here." He thought about it for a moment, and agreed that he'd likely feel that way and no, it wouldn't be fair or what he wanted either.

But I took what I saw as a massive risk this week and told him that I wanted him here, more so than 'being welcome' conveys. Active replaced passive. He had already told me he was convinced he would be here (I don't know what's going on between him and Jen, but he's not been as depressed as he was, so maybe there's been a resolution) so I know my risk wasn't actually massive, intellectually, but I still felt extremely vulnerable.

Today, my Sunday, will be our regular weekly chat (next week is my last week on work placement for my course, so it's just occurred to me we can start a second weekly chat like we both have been wishing for but time zones haven't been working out). I don't know if there is going to be deep and meaningful conversation today. We've covered off a lot this week by text anyway. Yesterday, I gave what I perceive as my 'to do' list before he would get here, and in reality, I need a year of work that hasn't even started yet in order to save enough to have the road trip adventures I want to take him on. But there's also no way in hell it's going to be over a year before he's here (those better not be famous last words lol). Right now, I don't even know where I'll be working as the job application for the job I want doesn't get listed until the 5th of October. It would mean moving.

But first, passing my course. God help me I see every assignment as a chance to fail and be kicked off the course. I know that's not healthy, but I have to pass this year for financial reasons well beyond Lance arriving. And I really do love this career. I want it so badly.
 
I'm sorry to hear the visit went so badly. What happened?

Thank you.
I started to reply, but then I realised I don't want those details clogging up what is actually a pretty happy time right now.
 
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