Sailing Solo

I had a lovely weekend, mostly hanging out with Prof and taking my clothes off a lot, 4 times today alone.:D
I had a turning point moment with him this morning, we were laying in bed and he came out with a list of things that he likes about. Like this, likes that, looks right at me and says " I like you a lot." I reply that I like him a lot too. And have a think about why I wrestle with the "L" word so horribly. I decide to speak up.
We head out for breakfast and I ask about his dating and the other women that the sees and we discuss my level of interest in knowing and his desire for an increase in my communication with him about that. And I get round to asking about the list of likes from earlier and how I feel it's time to get comfortable with me telling him that I love him. He sweetly informs me that he fell in love with me "ages ago", he does love me and isn't it obvious? He has been watching my awkwardness and weirdness on the subject with some amusement since last August. He says he fell in love and hasn't fallen out of love since then. He has basically been waiting for me to catch up. I strongly suspect that the list of likes has been his gentle nudge for me open up on the subject. It is not the first time he has done it recently. As I write, I can see he has been laughing at me for a while with the list of likes, no doubt I will hear of his how his cleverness succeeded in a week or 2.
There was reiteration of the fact that we are happy with how things are in general. We meet, have intense fun and then separate back to our regular lives. He loves that I plan and organize things that stop him working 7 days a week, I like that he is an energetic and willing partner and he also comes up with plenty of ideas of activities and events. We both agree that Wednesday nights are highly important, we both look forward to them and we should keep them as a priority.
The level of crossover that we have works for us both. He doesn't want to get into over analyzing the relationship because he worries that we will over think it into problems but says I am too far at the other end of not discussing things at all. He has said that before and apparently I haven't made much improvement in that area. It seems to mostly be the same stuff that has been discussed before but we agreed that I am going to tell him I love him every now and then.
 
I haven't quite tried out " i love you" yet but will give it at go when we go camping next weekend.
Prof and I chatted a lot about dating yesterday evening. We read his updated profile together and he offered to change the "single" to whatever I wanted, said he wanted to discuss the options with me.I thought it was sweet enough that he genuinely offered and I said leave it as single. Maybe we will talk about it more later.
I have pretty much accepted that I don't have the time, energy, or money to be dating. I have the desire to give it a try but just can't see how it would work at this point. The sex is great with Prof, we are both into keeping things fresh and exciting. We certainly get out to do plenty of activities though there have been a lot of fire and sex nights recently due to the cold. All in all I am very happy with how things are and really feel I shouldn't try squeeze more into an already very full schedule. Should someone fall in my lap then I wouldn't say no, but actively looking is not my plan, at least not this week ;)
Prof is still dating up at storm, I quite enjoy hearing about the meeting type experiences he has and why he chooses to meet who he meets. I thought that women were more in demand than men and he maintains that is not his experience. He has more interest than he can deal with and apparently needs to draw some lines at work because he doesnt mix with business with pleasure. The one woman that I did give the screwed up face about was someone he was working with. I thought he was not a smart and said so. He agreed and said he had already let it go. I did not tell him to break up or anything like that, just said I did not think it was smart to date where you work.
He said he is afraid to tell me too much in case he said the wrong thing and I broke-up with him over it. I said that is always a possibility but it does take a lot to make me annoyed and we already discussed the deal breakers. I reiterated that I don't want to know relationship details, just the general chat about who, what, where and when, the same that I say when I go out with friends. And to keep me sort of up to date on the names. No more 5 plus names in one go. He did say once again that communicating with me can be a challenge and I agreed. I have initiated 2 conversations on dating and relating recently and feel quite done with it for now. I just want to talk about cheese and champagne and camping and the summer trip.
 
I saw Kip yesterday. Twice in the past week. I told him I couldn't see him in the week daytime anymore. I thought that would be the end of it a gentle break up. He came back with the offer of last Saturday daytime and Friday evening. I agreed and he showed up.He offered time during spring break too. Not how I expected things to go and of course give me a day or 2 and I tend to get over whatever was annoying me.
The sex with Kip used to be regularly far away better than than with Prof. Prof was very hit and miss and went through a couple of periods of extended miss. But this is not the case anymore, it is very much on a par. Obviously certain things and techniques are different which is what keeps things fun and fresh, but on my overall mental rating of it is very similar.
I feel emotionally disconnected from Kip these days but can still appreciate a really thorough fuck session and so it continues on.
 
I'll admit to being a little concerned about how sex would go with Prof when he has had a busy dating week. I gave him a couple of opportunities to decline last night rather than get into it and have it it fizzle out. But it was all good and fun.
He is excited for the glamping at the weekend. I picked up a bunch of fancy cheese pieces, the off cuts are perfect size for camping and a fraction of the cost of asking for a weighed slice. I am in charge of breakfast and snacks, he will do dinner. We have a ton of wood from the farm, very thick sleeping bags and lots of lovely bubbly. We can also leave the pop top down if it is very cold.
I am on spending lockdown, tax return is not what I hoped for and I will now have to pay back Prof for Euro tickets over time. I should cancel both the camping trips but I don't want to. :D
I have been doing a little browsing on POF and OKC again. I don't have a profile up on either site, just looking, then I look at my calendar and have a time reality check and then a money reality check. The meet-up group plan hasn't done anything at all. I have one weekend in March and then middle of April with nothing planned which is a bit limited. I did find a college student sitter who lives over the road but then a coffee date costs a much as a fancy dinner. I could work harder on it but feel guilty about not putting the effort into my thesis. Speaking off which, I should go write up something.
 
I just received 2 dozen red roses at the office!
Happy Valentine's Day from Prof.
I am so touched. :D
 
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Very interesting Weds night. We talked a lot, well I asked a ton of questions and he answered. A lot was about dating, I am less interested in who he dates and as to the hows of it and asked a lot about what works in the dating world for the other ladies. He invited me out for dinner with Ms Bike and tractor teacher on Sunday. I don't know if I can go but I would l like to sit down with Ms Bike, we did meet briefly a wee while ago.
We established budgets for the Euro trip. He likes a fancy hotel and I am happy with hostels, so he will pay for the fancy boutique hotels that he prefers and provide have half board and I will pay for a couple of flights, lunch and drinks, entry tickets etc. He is very excited about public transport, kept reiterating that we would take buses and trains and not hire a car or get this, hire limos!. :rolleyes: I didn't own a car till I moved to the USA, I have used public transport my whole life. I must admit it is funny listening to him tell me how things work in Euroland :D. I think he forgets that I have a little more experience at it than he does, plus have I been around the world many times, lived on 4 continents, visited 5, and done it by myself. Trains? Wow? So cool! Oh yes, be daring and travel by train. ROFLMAO. And a boat? Well I never! Apart from the 4 years I sailed to work everyday. Buses? Been around most of South East Asia and South Africa using buses. Not for one second did I imagine hiring a car. But I will keep my shut and appreciate the fact that he does have lovely taste in hotels and if he imagines that he is taking me on a thrilling public transport adventure then I will let him.
 
That was such a super weekend. An almost complete break for 3 days. Glamping was a lot of fun, very very cold at night but we made it work. The campsite is in a state park and at one point we were wandering around with champagne glasses in hand sipping away. A couple in a car stopped and said we looked like we knew how to camp! We were looking for the grove of trees where we had some great outdoor sex last time, not exactly serious hikers or campers :D
The trip itself was very short. We left home 3 hours behind schedule on Friday and then had to leave the camp at 7 am on Sunday. But we certainly made the most of it. I found a fun use for the cargo latches, very handy for clipping cuffs too. There was plenty of champagne, fires and visiting local places of interest.
On Sunday Prof had his tractor lesson and I went home for some quiet time. He suggested we spend 3 nights together as we needed to practice for the 3 weeks together over the summer. I apparently looked quite shocked but did fine after some quality time apart.
He has possibly bought another house, this one is kitty corner to the one he rents to Roomie. We went and had a look last night, the price was right and the offer went in. It is over my side of town which will be nice, back to morning booty calls. And, he promised the realtor and me that if he got the house for under a certain price that he would take her, her hubby and me to Hawaii! The offer has gone in for under Prof's limit. I have no vacation time left after all that has been booked for this year and no idea how I would get the ex to take the kids for a week, but I somehow I will hold him the promise.

We didn't do dinner with Ms Bike and tractor friend due to the house viewing which possibly was for the best as according to Prof Ms Bike is jealous of me. He said he is friend zoning her but working up to it and he sees her a lot less than he sees me. She wants to go camping too and he won't suggests dates to do it. He said he isn't really interested in sex with her anymore either but enjoys spending occasional time with her.

I didn't say anything on the subject, just listened. I am not too sure what to think, Prof will answer whatever you ask, so if you can't cope with the answer don't ask the question. But I know it frustrating to want to see someone more and they are not available. However, he is unavailable for his own reasons, nothing to do with me and telling him not to date. Ms Bike was also the one who asked that Prof and I don't make any new rules in the style of the old Ms Text rules. I have a feeling I am getting blamed to some degree for him not putting in the effort with her.

It is coming up to the first anniversary of Ms Text's death, just a few months away. This time last year she was very ill. Prof has been talking a little about her. The more he says the more she sounds like a mean and unkind person. He told another story ( he was a bit drunk and very chatty ) of how I got pushed aside and he had to back out of an activity that he planned with me because of her insecurity issues. I never ask about her. I don't why people bother with open relationships if they need to control so much of their partner's other relationships.
 
Kip asked me out for dinner.. meet at 9 pm. I can't imagine getting a sitter and going out that late but it is nice that he asked, he really does seem to be trying to work out some times to meet. Now I feel a bit lame for not trying harder to make it work. Oh well.
Prof is staying up in the city for 2 nights and has booked a lovely hotel he asked me if I wanted to come up for "elegant hotel sex and dinner." Wednesday night? Kid free night. Yes, I can go. We are going for Burmese food, tea leaf salad I hope. I also want to do a little role pay, starting in the bar. ;)
 
Hotel date was great. I do have a bit of an issue with heights and didn't sleep very well, we were on the 23rd floor, amazing city views that made me feel dizzy, I would have been happier on a much lower floor but oh well. We didn't make it out for dinner:D Champers, sex and hot tub and pool.
The offer was accepted on the house and we celebrated that. He doesn't want to move, he wants to buy the house that he currently rents but all his previous offers have been met with a no. The new house is considerably smaller than the rental,, he will a lot of sort through and get rid off. I said he could leave a couple of scooters in my garage and I can use them to practice on. It has been nearly a year since I last rode. I have taken the written test 3 times, time to get the practical part finished now that there are functioning bikes.
I met Kip for some wild amazing hot sex yesterday. Sex with Kip is my kryptonite, that and chocolate mini eggs. I got a bit of an eye-roll from him at the flowers from Prof. I didn't say anything. We didn't even message Happy Valentine's this year.
There is virtually no mention of either one of them to the other. It seems to the best way for it to work for us. They are fine with hearing about other dates, sort of. Prof gets "anxious" and Kip calls them "muppets". They both occasionally ask to get together for another 3 way and much as I would love the sex part I don't want to deal with the emotional fall out again. If roses get an eye-roll then being together in the same room is hardly going to work. Kip is probably the most irritated, he still goes on about how Prof was 45 minutes late for the 3 way, I cut the line of complaint off ASAP as I have heard the same list many many times. Prof has a different list of complaints about Kip, my bad for talking too much. Bottom line is I do not intend to have either of them in the same room again and no reason why they ever need to be.
Weekend plans are me, kids and friends. Gym, bike rides with friends, and maybe a pizza and video game night with Roomie and his kids. Prof said he wanted to join in a bike ride this afternoon.
I have to start my antibiotics too, hopefully prevent them from drilling into my skull to drain infection. Dr warned that they are strong and to expect side effects. An excuse to eat more yoghurt than usual :D
 
Prof sent me the itinerary for tonight's hotel, complete with link to a restaurant menu. He is insisting we go eat before getting naked, as last week we didn't. He has an evening meeting so I can take my book and read or use the gym or pool. I am so looking forward to some quiet time.
I haven't done anything on my thesis in almost a week. I need to get back on that. I set myself a deadline for the end of April. However, in a fit of wanting a sunny spot in the garden to read, I tore out the awful plants, potted up 2 that were worth saving and decided to build myself a patio. It is not a huge area that needs doing, but time and money are limiting factors. Prof suggested I should build a small deck. I make no secret of the fact I can't couldn't cut a straight line with a laser and he offered to cut and nail for me. In what free time? He already decided not to move out the rental when the new house is empty cause he won't be ready, he has so far tacked on 2 extra months. When I moved I had it lined up the best I could so there wouldn't be any overlap. We live in different worlds.
I did ask him about the 2 hotel nights in 2 weeks. He said it just worked out that way with one of his work projects. I am very appreciative of my mid-week mini-vacations.
Not really heard from Kip this week. that is fine, I am not letting it to get to me like I used to.
 
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The evening didn't quite work out as planned, I got stuck at work and then in traffic so by the time I got there we had 1 hour till Prof's meeting. We headed out to the fancy restaurant and I didn't even have a lick of make up on. But someone didnt make reservations and there were a few people waiting in front us so we decided to find something quicker and easier. I ended up with a sandwich, bag of chips and bottle of coke, and I really enjoyed it. Prof's people were running late so we ended up in the hotel bar drinking cocktails and he ordered bar food. He had freshly cut potato chips with lovely cheesey aand chipotle sauces, various deviled eggs and chocolate souffle with caramel and sea salt, and fresh berries and gelato. I teased him about my brown bag dinner and his delicious delicacies. The souffle was fabulous, warm and gooey caramel oozed out of the middle. ( food porn for Jane Q )
There was a lot of very fun hotel sex, we were on a much lower floor, ( thanks Prof ) so had lots of sex looking at the views, if anyone had looked up...:eek: and making 2 beds messy. I have to say expensive hotel sheets are fabulous. Crisp and smooth, it was wonderful. I did get to have some alone time while Prof went to the meeting.
I got amazingly lost trying to get out of the city the next morning, it started with no right turn and then no left turns and a detour. Neither of my phones picked up a GPS signal and it took me 15 minutes of driving around to work out my phone had no idea where it was going. 6 am, in the dark, trying to find the highway on ramp and so many one way streets. I pulled out the old navigation unit and it got me back on the right track. I was 30 minutes late to work which wasn't good but my boss thought it was funny, so it was ok.
I feel a little bad saying it but I hope next week we stay in town. I am not a happy city driver and the parking fees are outrageous. It is a long way for short stay, but is cool driving past the famous sights. I wish public transport were an option but it isn't until you actually get to the city.
All in all a very good night :D
 
Tears keep falling. Very sad over Leonard Nimoy and the loss of Mr Spock. I have a Star trek pin on my coat and my Star Trek necklace on most days. It is a fun ice breaker and makes people smile. I have a million stories of how Star trek is important to me. The next geekend with Prof is to see the restored shuttle craft "Galileo" in Houston, Texas.
So many sad things in the world but this has me crying. I have a girls night planned tonight but after that Prof is coming round to watch Star Trek, we will have on our full uniforms, make the tricorders, phasers and communicators go beep, drink lots and celebrate the actor and program that has impacted both of us.
Argh. Not a professional look for work! And of course today is the only day this week I put mascara on.
 
In between reading lots of online tributes to Leonard Nimoy, I had a good weekend. Girl's night was fun, though I am getting a little annoyed at me being the only one to ever get them organized, there were calls for doing it again soon but no-one actually saying they would try and get dates and times sorted. We had margaritas, nachos and went to see 50 Shades, which was pretty cheesey but pretty funny because of that.
Prof came round after to commiserate over Mr Spock but we watched a little Walking Dead as I didn't want to get sad again.
Saturday night we went to the game, the last one I can attend for the season. We went back to his and had some BD play, one good part of 50 shades was getting Prof inspired. He said he had received a number of calls from women wanting to play. I think he did earlier in the week but not my business.
He is away this coming weekend, he is meeting some friends and staying with Ms White Picket. After having a brief week of him telling who he is seeing and on what days, it has slided back into not discussing, apart from the out of state trip which I have known about for a while.
I think I am taking the kids for a bike ride with Joe and Minijoe next weekend. Joe was complaining that he hasn't seen me in months and I said, "You never asked." " Well, yes, but you are busy," he replied. "You NEVER asked." This is my annoyance of the weekend. Quit waiting for me to do the organizing. Prof asks and suggests and plans. Roomie is terrible for suggesting things and then not following through. I have 2 chronic cancelling friends. Is no wonder my main dating requirement is for someone who actually wants to do things and also suggests things to do.
I didn't work on my patio project this weekend,Prof said he had wood on his property and not to buy any. Of course he forgot to look for it twice. I will just go and buy some this week. I need to order a gravel delivery too, and am not going to sit around and wait for Prof to get back from his trip. That will be a 2nd weekend wasted.
I am all motivated to do things and annoyed by people who flake. I think is time to just plan things for me and the kids and if people want to join then they are welcome.
 
I texted for a Monday morning booty call and it certainly put a smile on my face! I just love popping round for a cup of tea and a not-too-quick fuck and leaving again. We don't get to do the 6 am booty calls anymore but this is just as good, if not slightly better. :D
I have one day this week that I could see Kip and he said he couldn't make it. We see each other so infrequently, bit of a shame but I am more accepting of it now.
 
Question of the moment...
What is cheating in an open relationship?
Prof said something ages ago... there is no need to cheat in an open relationship.
My thought...I don't know the names of all the people he has a sexual relationship with. I am sure he would answer if I asked, in fact I am going to ask tonight. But is that cheating if I don't know? Is it enough to know that he does have other partners?
I keep thinking that when I start dating again that I don't want to discuss it. So is that cheating?
Is cheating more the deliberately hiding information aspect?
I felt cheated on when Kip denied having other partners, it wasn't the fact of the partners existing, it was the lying.
What brought all this up? I finished writing something in all the sections of my thesis. It needs a ton of editing but the first mountain has been climbed and I am ordering stuff for my patio project. The 2 things I promised myself I would get done before I started dating again are well on the well to completion. So...what is cheating in an open relationship?
 
Question of the moment...
What is cheating in an open relationship?
This is a question I have been thinking a lot about lately. My takes on this have changed slightly, and I am not 100% sure about the answer, but if you don't mind...
Prof said something ages ago... there is no need to cheat in an open relationship.
This is how I think it should be. Just, the reality can be a lot different. Of course an open relationship can have dozens of rules and breaking those is considered cheating - but the rules can also be unnecessary.
My thought...I don't know the names of all the people he has a sexual relationship with. I am sure he would answer if I asked, in fact I am going to ask tonight. But is that cheating if I don't know? Is it enough to know that he does have other partners?
No, it is not cheating if you do not know, especially if you have not even asked. And even if you ask - I don't think he is obliged to tell you. There might be valid reasons why his other partners would not want to be identified. That said, of course you can ask. And he can choose his answer.
I keep thinking that when I start dating again that I don't want to discuss it. So is that cheating?
No, it is not. I think the ethical thing to do would be to inform your partners about this fact. You do not need to discuss your dating with them - my take is that informing them about (possible) new partners (and your safer sex practices with them) should be perfectly enough.
Is cheating more the deliberately hiding information aspect?
I felt cheated on when Kip denied having other partners, it wasn't the fact of the partners existing, it was the lying.
Yes. I would have felt cheated on, too. Lying is always nasty, and in this kind of a situation totally unnecessary. No one won anything with his lie.
What brought all this up? I finished writing something in all the sections of my thesis. It needs a ton of editing but the first mountain has been climbed and I am ordering stuff for my patio project. The 2 things I promised myself I would get done before I started dating again are well on the well to completion. So...what is cheating in an open relationship?
My answer: outright lies are cheating, and breaking someone's trust about safer sex and thus putting them in bigger risk than they are willing to take. Good luck with the dating!
 
Thanks for the reply Nadya. it is useful to have an another view on things.
I was reading Solopoly.net and got a little caught up in the idea of that is how I should do things, though in no way does the blogger suggest her way is the best or only way.
I had a good chat with Prof. He agrees with Nadya about breaking agreed rules being cheating. We only have the condom rule, so that is pretty easy to cover, but I was looking for his opinion in general on things not just how things apply to our relationship. He reiterated that he is very happy to discuss who he is dating and pointed I that I only ask once in a blue moon, and only when I have been reading poly/open articles on the web. So true!
 
Prof is gently teasing me about my occasional bouts of "must communicate NOW!" He says he thinks things are just fine, that we talk as we go along, but it doesn't bother him when I get in communication mode, mostly it it amusing and again he has no problems answering whatever I want to ask. What I am trying to get across is that I don't want to talk about my other partners, though I am happy to listen and discuss if he wants to talk about his. He did say that he would like to ask my opinion on some of his other partners occasionally and I replied that would be fine, but say good things as well as the problems, avoid the "squeaking hinge" syndrome, as I have named it, mostly complaining about other partners to other partners.
He asked me for a little input on Ms Bike, same as he said previously, she is jealous, says she knew him before me and wants the same style of relationship and activities that he and I have, is her right based on time sunk. He enjoys her company, wants to keep her friendship but wants to end the sexual aspect; friend zone.
Kip had the surprising news of the week, he wants to do an overnight next weekend. I am not getting too excited as it hasn't happened once on the past 2 plus years but I am open to it. He is proposing dinner, drinks and sex all night long. Sounds good to me.
Looking like a quiet weekend for me. One of the kids is under the weather, we have cancelled the bike ride and their attending a birthday party. Must be sick to not want cake. So laundry and work on my patio. Joe says I should try relaxing :rolleyes:
 
Text from Prof at 8:30 pm, "You still awake?" In my defense, I have been working on the clock change thing and getting up at 5 am, but he knows I go to bed early, read and, let's be honest, I am frequently heading towards sleep.
Message from Kip, " Can I call you at 10 pm for a chat?" ROFLMAO. No.:rolleyes: The man has no idea.
I made a new OKC profile today. Got a message from a man half a continent away holding a dead fish. :D
Do you get pictures of men holding other dead things in different parts of the world or country? Must admit I am not that curious to actually bother looking, but do you get dead Roo pics in Australia and dead 'gators in Florida?
Did have a nice chat with a Dom in an open marriage, hierarchical model. I would like to continue chatting and asking questions but does live far away. I haven't googled the distance but estimate 2 hours.
 
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