H'ok So.....

Yeah.... I guess it's just periodic updates for me.

I have so much to write, so many things going on. I can't possibly cover it all in 1 post.

Healing from the devastation of the breakup with Mr. Hyde continues. In fact, I just today reached out for the first time to say "Hi" and see if I felt ready to re-establish friendly contact so that we can be on friendly terms. It is stirring up feels, but mainly just "sad for what could have been" feels and "sad that he was forced to make a choice to save his family when this won't fix their problems" feels. But that's not really what I wanted to write about.

About 2-3 weeks ago, mid-week, Sudo was called into the CEOs office and told that they were outsourcing the entire IT department and he was being let go. The DIRECTOR OF IT, plus then his 2 staff. He was so shocked and caught off guard. It had clearly been planned behind his back for months. And it turns out the independent auditor that came in for a "security audit" was actually someone from an outsourcing company getting info into the scope of what they do. I mean, he got a healthy severance package, and he's using that money to basically replace his pay for the next who knows how many months so that he can keep programming on the side and build his own business. That's something he's wanted to do for ages and eventually leave his job, but it still sucks to have that done to you after being a loyal employee for 13 years. Fortunately, he's got a couple contract gigs already for Sept and Oct, so that gives him some goals to work toward and I think long term he'll be able to look back and say "thanks for the free money bitches!" But in the meantime, it's 1 more thing to stress about!

On top of that, we've now taken custody of 1 of the dogs, Puck, because he was diagnosed with Lymphoma and is dying. The original thought being that with Sudo just getting laid off and now working from home every day programming, he would be able to provide the better care since Peach's work travel is picking up. We just gave him his first round of chemo today, but even with treatment he probably only has a year left. I normally wouldn't consider putting an animal through that, but apparently dogs handle the treatment way better than humans, so the treatment actually doesn't usually have a negative impact on quality of life for most dogs (and if it does we would stop). Still not a good time for it financially. And of course I'm super pissed because Peach (Sudo's ex) said that she didn't think she could afford to pay for half, but would "do what she could". They had agreed in the divorce to split the cost of dog stuff, and if it was just a straight up financial issue, I wouldn't have any problems. But she just put a deposit down on a new fucking corgi puppy right before all of this diagnosis happened. She hasn't actually gotten the new dog yet as it's not old enough to pick up from the breeder. But if you can afford a new pure bred fucking puppy, then you should be able to pay for your own fucking sick dog. Otherwise cancel the order for the new puppy. ARGH!

Anyway, I gotta go do other things so any more re-caps will just have to wait. I'm pissed about the dog situation all over again anyway.
 
Things continue to chug along here. Sudo is diligently programming away during somewhat "normal business hours." And is trying to keep on a normal schedule. He's been excited about the new programming things he is learning along the way, but I can see his ADD brain getting hyperfocused sometimes on a specific issue he's trying to work out with his code. It's cute in someways, frustrating in some, but also just awesome to see him finally in his element. Of course, the financial stress will be around for a while, but we're in damn good shape for a long time. His severance easily bought him 10 months of income and 6 months of paid healthcare. More if we were to be frugal. On top of that he's already got an additional 2.5 months of income lined up in terms of jobs with his new business. I say "months of income" in the sense of comparing things to what his previous salary was. Soooo, it's not like we're hurting. In fact, he went ahead and paid off the last $15k of his home equity loan on his townhouse to get rid of that monthly cash flow.

Where we're at right now is that Sudo has until the end of the year to propose to me, and then for us to do a semi-secret court house marraige, so that I can put him on my insurance for the new year before he has to start paying for his own shitty cobra insurance. He feels stressed about having to buy me a diamond ring when he already hates diamonds, but as far as I'm concerned that's not even a problem since we're still well off for a long time, and I'm not looking for a $10k ring or anything nutty. Basically he just has to man-up and propose, which stresses him out. I say a semi-secret marriage because I still want to have an actual wedding, so I'm on the fence as to whether we will actually tell our friends and family ahead of time about the court house. To me, the wedding will be the REAL marriage ceremony and the court house will just be paperwork so he can be on my insurance. While I normally wouldn't care if people knew ahead of time, eh, I dunno. People can be weird about being like "oh, well I mean you guys are technically already married so what's the big deal with the ceremony?" Which is what I don't want. I want a big party with friends and loved ones for us to celebrate our love for each other. I don't care so much what it's called, but I will be annoyed if people downplay the importance of the day for me. Plus, I just think the idea of secretly already being married would be a fun thing for just us to know about (well, and a few people might have to know, like our roomie, or whatever witness we might need?).

On the dating front, we're both not really seeing anyone right now. I mean, I say that because I have no idea what's going on with him and Goddess. He's been going through some temporary feels and stresses because he's been ripped up by handling his dying pup. Plus then losing his job and so that was weighing on his mind. Basically, he was unfocused and apparently Goddess told him that "she had needs" and felt like she wasn't being treated like a Goddess (hence the name, her form of Domination is very much that she wants to be treated this way). Well, he basically was like "I'm dealing with shit, and I'm trying to give you the best I can, but no, I'm not going to just be able to give you the intimacy you want as often as you want when I'm dealing with this stuff." And she suggested that she needed to take a step back. I mean, it's their shit and I'll let them handle it.... but in my opinion, if the roles were reversed and a man was saying that to her, she would think that it was completely fucked up.... so I don't see how it's ok to feel that way in reverse. Yes, everyone is allowed to have sexual needs, and if someone can't meet your needs, then you have to figure out how you're going to handle that. But shit, there's a difference between a short term lull while you support your partner through a job loss and their beloved pet that is like their child dying, and something that is long term like unmanaged mental health issues, or just permanent libido differences, etc. So I'm not touching that shit with a 10 foot pole other than the fact that I occasionally mention to Sudo that he needs to shit or get off the pot and talk to her and they are either together and working it out, or they're not compatible and they're not together. But this lingering "I don't really know what we are after all this drama" is a bunch of nonsense that isn't healthy for either of them. But I digress....

On my side of things.... meh. Still not really feeling all that ready to date. Maybe soon, maybe not. But I haven't felt like I have the energy for it. And my knee injury is still on the mend and so I haven't felt confident in my ability to manage how that will impact the intimacy and behavioral/actions side of a D/s relationship with me as the sub, so I'll continue to just hold off.

In other good news, I reached a handshake on a big negotiation that has been dragging on for 1.5 years at work. So YAY! Milestone achieved, progress made. I can soon wrap up this contract and then probably move on to another program to get some different experience. I spent last week in Chicago fighting a deadline where if we didn't get a deal, we were just going to walk away. The discussed timeline was a deal by noon on Fri. As that started to look dicey, people were talking about extending things into the weekend. But Sudo's birthday was on Sat. I was going to be SUPER upset if I had to stay out of town and miss it. Luckily, it didn't come to that and we literally got the "handshake" documented just in time for us to all pack up and split to go to our respective planes.

Oh, and in pupper related news, the doggo is doing much better after his first chemo treatment. He had a rough day or 2 where he was so off balance that he fell down the stairs, but he has since recovered, regained his balance, energy, etc. and now he's pretty much his usual self. The follow up with the vet even showed that his lymphnodes no longer feel swollen beyond normal size. So he seems to be responding very well!! So hopefully we can have him in our lives for another year or so as long as he stays in good health.
 
Ugh, I started a diet today.... after breakfast. LOL (I ate the last of a pack of poptarts for breakfast, so def not diet friendly). Of course, I packed a great little salad for lunch and forgot my low cal dressing, so I just ate it with no dressing. NOT THE SAME. Salads without dressing are sooooo bland and boring! Will not make this mistake again.

Sudo and I returned home yesterday from a week long camping trip at a kink camp that is actually called "summer camp." It was a great opportunity for us to have some conversations about all the things that have caused some roadblocks in our relationship. So we had some down time to have some big talks, but also work on trying to re-start our kink dynamic. It's still a work in progress, but I think we'll get there. It was also great in that I think we're finally in agreement on him being willing to see a therapist or us see a coach or something. I'm thinking that we might see a person we know who is poly and building a relationship coaching clientele. I'd like him to also consider seeing a therapist more to deal with his anxiety/ADD since I think that really he could potentially do something to manage that a bit better. Well, and ya know, get a real diagnosis! But at least I finally got some agreement from him about moving forward with things.

Meanwhile, he's going to be hitting his programming hard this week to try and finish or mostly finish his work product for a test run at a meeting later this month. Meanwhile, I'm simultaneously thinking about being a bit more intentional with my OKC and Fetlife profiles and truly starting to date again.

Noteworthy thing, our 4 year anniversary is this Thurs! Since we just spent money on summer camp and all, I don't think we're really doing gifts this year. But we'll go out to a nice dinner, and there's some kink stuff that we'd like to pick up. So maybe those will just sorta be our gifts to ourselves. I'm sure that certainly makes Sudo happy since he hates gifts :p

I picked up a few pieces of really pretty jewelry for really cheap at camp, and even got a cute tiara for parties and costumes. Though speaking of costumes.... I haven't figured out what I want to be for halloween, or what I'm even doing.
 
Ugh, I started a diet today.... after breakfast. LOL (I ate the last of a pack of poptarts for breakfast, so def not diet friendly). Of course, I packed a great little salad for lunch and forgot my low cal dressing, so I just ate it with no dressing. NOT THE SAME. Salads without dressing are sooooo bland and boring! Will not make this mistake again.

Sudo and I returned home yesterday from a week long camping trip at a kink camp that is actually called "summer camp." It was a great opportunity for us to have some conversations about all the things that have caused some roadblocks in our relationship. So we had some down time to have some big talks, but also work on trying to re-start our kink dynamic. It's still a work in progress, but I think we'll get there. It was also great in that I think we're finally in agreement on him being willing to see a therapist or us see a coach or something. I'm thinking that we might see a person we know who is poly and building a relationship coaching clientele. I'd like him to also consider seeing a therapist more to deal with his anxiety/ADD since I think that really he could potentially do something to manage that a bit better. Well, and ya know, get a real diagnosis! But at least I finally got some agreement from him about moving forward with things.

Meanwhile, he's going to be hitting his programming hard this week to try and finish or mostly finish his work product for a test run at a meeting later this month. Meanwhile, I'm simultaneously thinking about being a bit more intentional with my OKC and Fetlife profiles and truly starting to date again.

Noteworthy thing, our 4 year anniversary is this Thurs! Since we just spent money on summer camp and all, I don't think we're really doing gifts this year. But we'll go out to a nice dinner, and there's some kink stuff that we'd like to pick up. So maybe those will just sorta be our gifts to ourselves. I'm sure that certainly makes Sudo happy since he hates gifts :p

I picked up a few pieces of really pretty jewelry for really cheap at camp, and even got a cute tiara for parties and costumes. Though speaking of costumes.... I haven't figured out what I want to be for halloween, or what I'm even doing.
 
i love your story!

hi, your story is awesome, and it was great to read today. Ive been in a closed poly relationship for the past five years with my hubby and my boyfriend, but we've recently been talking about opening the doors a little, and i found this really helpful.
 
Thanks! I always appreciate hearing that my blog is useful for others and not just me. I love hearing or reading about the poly lives of others and how different and varied they can be, so it's always great to know I can be a part of that!
 
Work is SOOOOO busy right now with it being the end of the year. And on top of that, I'm nervous because I'm taking over a new program and leaving my old one, so I'll have a learning curve of taking on a different assignment and doing a type of contracting I have less experience with. But this is part of why I'm doing this move, to get more experience with this field. So it's a good sort of nervous excitement!

Sudo is also coming up on the first test run of his business tool at a client conference. So that's another exciting milestone! I think it's going to go well, though he may come home wanting to make some tweaks.... but that's the point of doing a test meeting!

On the poly front.... some progress? I did update my profiles on OKC and Fet to start talking to people again. I'm finally feeling like I'm interested in dating again and like I could actually feel good about it and not sad. I mean, it's still a lot to consider, but I think at this point it's more about my energy levels and whether I can reasonably balance that with work. But I did tell Sudo that I would likely be talking to people again and that I had updated my stuff. So it's out there on the table. I doubt that Sudo will really be looking to date until after he's done with all these work meetings in early Nov since he won't be around that much. But I'm sure he'll get there eventually.

I've been texting with 1 guy and I think we might go out on a date this Thurs. So far he's been pretty funny, and he's good looking. His OKC questions seem to indicate that he is the more dominant type (though unclear if he's really into kink, I know he isn't active in the community, but we didn't really talk about it much). So far, the only downsides are that he's not tall and is only my height, and also that he mentioned that the 3rd of 3 rules he and his wife have is that they can only "veto for valid reasons." I tried to flush that out in text a bit more, but it's not an easy convo in that format. He did clarify that if a partner tried to unreasonably veto and the other one didn't agree, they would just say no. Which makes me think that it's not even really a veto and a shitty choice of words and more like them both being in agreement that they're not going to date really horrible choices? Or maybe it really is a veto and I'll ultimately just be saying "thanks but no-thanks." It is at least promising that they have both had serious relationships with others. His wife has a boyfriend that she just celebrated a year with, and he had a gf for about 18 months, but then sadly she moved away for work. They still talk regularly, but it sounds like they decided not to stay in a relationship (don't blame them since I don't do long distance either).

So yeah, a prospect, but I'm not in any hurry! And certainly not enough to repeat past mistakes.
 
Know what's super fun? Deciding that after 6 months of a broken heart you're finally feeling ready to date again, and then as you're having some great texting with 2 potential dates, you get your regular check up done and the ob-gyn lets you know that, SURPRISE! Your HPV test came back positive. Ugh.

I mean, I know it's the common cold of sex viruses and that almost everyone gets it at some point, and our bodies generally clear it in 8 months to a year on their own. Plus, they did test to make sure that out of like 100+ strains, it's not 1 of the 3 strains that causes about 70% of cervical cancer (which I don't think it could have been anyway since i had the Gardasil vaccine back when it was good for like 7 strains vs I think being for 9 now).

So, while I'm not really concerned for myself about having, I'm definitely all "UGH" feeling about now having to disclose this to potential partners and hoping that it isn't a deal breaker.

Speaking of potential partners, I had a lunch date today with 1 of those 2 guys since he works downtown semi-near me (well, he took an uber in about 10 min). We already had a date lined up for Fri evening, but somewhat spontaneously he said that he could do lunch one day this week if that worked for me, and I was feeling it, so I was able to make it work today! We went to a microbrewery that is like a block from my work and ended up talking for almost 2 hours! He walked me back to base gates, gave me a SUPER chaste peck on the lips after asking if he could give me a kiss, and then we went back to work.

It was a great date! The convo was good, we had interesting talks and both of us seemed totally comfortable. We were both happy to re-acknowledge our date on Fri so we both want to see each other again. And we talked quite a bit about our experiences with poly/open so far since my main concern was him being married and them recently opening. Turns out they had been open years ago, but decided to pause things when they had kids (but during a natural point when they didn't have any partners at the time, so no dumping people just to close). But they recently were like "eh, kids are older, we should do this again now that we have bandwidth."

Soooo... not totally sure how I feel yet, but so far his answers to all my questions indicate that there aren't insecurities and such that happened with Mrs. Hyde. So it sounds promising. We shall see. Now i just need to figure out if I should go ahead and break the HPV news now, in person on Fri, or when that makes sense. Blarg!
 
Interesting to me that I read this today, as I just had my annual exam and my gynecologist says she is going to start testing me for HPV every year since I have multiple partners. I’ve never had anything come back abnormal with my cervix, but she says that my insurance will cover it, so why not? I guess the normal is to check every 3 years? I hope your body clears it quickly!
 
So my understanding is that the average is 8 months. But my last HPV test before this one was 2 years ago since they just do it with a pap smear and I didn't have 1 of those last year. Seems like I should have since I thought the guidance was every year after 30. But maybe that changed. Either way, I've never really had an abnormal pap smear, so, meh.

Of course, I'm able to be so meh about it because on Sunday I told new guy I have started dating and he didn't care and was fine with it. I couldn't have hoped for a better response. Hmmm, I should name him. Think I'll call him Echo since it sounds similar to econ and he's an economist.

So we had our date on Fri and it was great. We met up at a restaurant and stayed there until it closed and then walked down the street to a bar and stayed there until it closed too. At which point he drove me home, we had some nice kisses in the car, and then I went in and he headed home. He's funny but not the type that needs to make a joke out of everything. He's soooo respectful, and yet still confident and flirty. At one point he moved to my side of the restaurant booth so we could sit closer and be a bit touchy just with hands on legs and arms and just have some contact whole we talked, which was great. I love physical touch.

He actually finds my work super interesting, and I feel the same about his so we spent a stupid amount of time talking about our jobs. We also just talked about our current relationships, poly/non-monogamy. He said it was very obvious to him that I'd been really hurt by my last relationship, and was sorry that happened, but he answered more questions and discussions about that stuff so I could feel comfortable with where he and his wife are at and how they do relationships and such. I definitely am feeling much less wary. We also talked more about D/s and what I was looking for vs what he is into to better clarify if we're a good fit in that sense, and so far still good.

So tonight he's coming over to the house after he helps put the kids to bed and we're gonna hang out and see what happens. He's bringing 2-3 sours (beer) for us to share and taste since I told him that since discovering them they're some of the very few beers I enjoy. I think Sudo will probably meet him for a bit, but then I imagine he' ll go do his own thing so we can have some privacy. I think if Sudo got to know my next partner more, as opposed to barely knowing Mr. Hyde in all that time, it might help him feel less anxious? But who knows. He does seem to be trying to do better with that, but his anxiety with me dating certainly isn't issue free for us.
 
Oh man, NRE is so much a thing, y'all. For real. I love it.

So how was the date and the guys meeting, you ask? Fabulous!

Echo came over around 8:45 on Tues. I know, kinda late to start a date, but he wanted to help get his kids to bed, so I was ok with a shorter date night, especially since Sudo was going to have to process the feels of me having a new person over. So he arrived and pretty much got introduced to Sudo right off the bat as I was walking him through the house on a tour. So the tour stopped dead and we ended up standing around in the kitchen chit-chatting, all 3 of us. Echo got on the subject of working in the beer industry and that he'd brought over 3 sours for me to try, so he suggested that Sudo join in and he sorta offered us our own private tasting where he talked about the differences, what makes them sour, details about the particular beer, and poured them in the order of what he thought I would like least to most! Between that and then getting a chance to hear the guys nerd out and talk to each other about tech stuff and programming and nonsense, we were all talking for like 1.5 hours!

I was SOOOOO happy that Sudo was talkative, not overly shy, seemed like he felt comfortable. It was wonderful! And I've now come to see that Echo is obviously an extrovert, so of course he did totally fine carrying himself and not feeling weird at all. So it got late enough that I went ahead and took Echo around the rest of the house to finish off the tour and we ended in the basement, which historically has been our date privacy space anyway since it's finished with a couch, TV, bed, and all the things but also has a closed door. During the tour Scott has just sort of.... disappeared on his own and I guess went into the office to work. So it ended up being a not awkward transition at all for us to just stay in the basement and enjoy some alone time. That alone time included us having sex for the first time. And it was great! Granted, I didn't orgasm, but that didn't really have anything to do with him, and was more that when I'm with someone new, I often get in my own head and it just doesn't happen, even if I'm having fun. We don't have any sort of negotiated formal D/s dynamic yet, but he did a wonderfully fun job of taking charge anyway. It felt awesome, and at the same time, it wasn't triggering any weird feels about Mr. Hyde, which was something I've definitely been worried about.

So we fucked, cuddled, fucked, and cuddled. Yum. Of course, we got started so late that we hit a point where we knew it was late and went from cuddling for a bit to him putting his clothes on and bouncing soon after. But I think he was maybe just trying to be overly respectful of the fact that I'd said I would turn into a pumpkin at midnight.

Turns out, his wife had someone over and their date ran WAY long and he was stuck chilling in their apartment building lounge until 3am :eek: So that was something we talked about the next day, in that while, yes, I tend to like to get to bed by about midnight, if things come up and he would like to be out of the house later, we can work it out. Even if that means I just need to be able to fall asleep snuggling with him and he leaves later. But the whole time we were cuddling between and after sex, he was saying I was gorgeous, and sexy, and he liked me, and all the great things.

So we're still talking every day, and he proactively asks about and plans dates so we've already agreed to see each other on Monday, and he and his wife are hopefully going to come to a group poly movie night next Sat that we are hosting for a bunch of people, etc. Basically, we are both into each other, and the more we talk, the more we can both see so much in common that we can definitely see some lasting potential there. *Squee*!!!

Ahem, but enough about that. Work has been bat-shit with me trying to finish up one program and start up on another. Sudo has also been prepping for work stuff. Tonight, we have tickets to the Hump Film Festival. Technically they're doing a best-of tour, so it's not the usual annual festival. But we have several friends going so it should be a fun, funny, sexy time!

Speaking of Sudo, he definitely did have some feels to process at the end of my date night when I said that yes, during our alone time we had, in fact, had sex. But he seems to be doing fine now. It's just change, which takes time for him. And I think it gets him thinking about all the time that he's going to be spending on travel and away from me later this month. But he's also been trying to be very good about saying that he's happy for me and glad I had a good date, etc. So I can see that he's trying. And I do love that he's trying. I do wish that compersion came a bit more naturally for him, but mostly just because I hate to see him hurt, and because I wish he felt more confident in himself and had higher self esteem. But we'll get there. He is amazing and deserves all the good things in life!

Ok, gotta run.
 
That sounds like such a lovely first date! (I don't know if you care, but if you see this within the edit window, you left Sudo's name in in one spot.)
 
Ah crap. I don't even know who the mods are on this page, but if one of them sees this, could they please fix the name slip in my last post?
 
Things continue to be pretty great overall.

Sudo left this morning for a work trip and will be back at like 1AM on Thurs. Since this is also a meeting that RCT works, I basically have this huge house to myself for a few days. Well, me, 2 cats, a dog, and a snake. lol.

This past weekend was so much fun! Fri night, Echo and his wife had a game night where I met 2 of his co-workers and the 1 co-worker's husband. It was really great to know that he was willing to come out about the poly thing and be open with people so that I can be involved in his life. And Sudo also had a fun time and talked and all. It feels like he's really been doing well with balancing being social with his introversion lately, and I'm super appreciating it. I mean, I can definitely tell that then he wants some quieter days to re-charge, but that's reasonable!

Then Sat I had a crazy busy day. Had a lunch with my sorority alumni group. It was small, but was nice to visit with those ladies a bit. It's such a different social scene, so I just enjoy it for the sake of how different it is!

Of course then I had to rush back home and start getting ready for the movie night that we were hosting as part of a poly dating group that we're active in. I had to make a batch of homemade ice cream and sorbet, which I forgot ingredients for and ended up making 2 trips back to the grocery store. Plus then us setting up the outside movie screen and gathering chairs and blankets and such. It ended up being a success and about 20+ people were there all having a good time. The movie was enjoyed and then people stuck around afterwards and we moved the party inside with music and drinks and chatting. Plus then people were eating the ice cream and sorbet and loved it! Sudo got in a little making out with a mutual friend that he's kissed at parties and such in the past, so then I got to enjoy some make-outs with Echo, since he was there. I even had a few kisses with another guy, who is partners of the girl Sudo was kissing. Plus, she also kissed Echo and his wife. haha, it was a bit of a cluster. Granted, this was all just sorta happening in bits and pieces throughout the night as everyone was standing around and having a good time talking. So it's not like the entire house was just 1 big orgy of people feeling each other up. We'll save that for a future party maybe.

Mainly though, it was good to see Sudo feel comfortable in that setting since he was feeling some feels about needing to be with me and have time with me since he knew he'd be gone a bunch on work travel for the next few weeks. So originally he didn't really want me to just disappear and be spending a bunch of time during this movie night with other people.... but I think once we got into the swing of things and he was ALSO off talking to various people, he was able to relax and realize that it's not like he was being left in a corner to just watch me have fun. Great times ensued, people were happy, I saw a few friends I don't get to see that often, yay!

The next morning, we slept in, cleaned house, Sudo worked a bit, and then I cooked us a lovely dinner and we snuggled. Sexy times happened several times throughout the weekend, so I'm thinking that everyone is pretty happy now. Plus, Echo and his wife joined the poly FB dating group, so now they can get out there and meet more people and gain more of a poly social circle. They're especially interested in talking to some other poly parents so that they can figure out how to manage this with their kids, since they are 6 and 8.

Tonight and Wed I have date nights with Echo. I wanted to try and fit them in while Sudo is out of town so that I can focus on him this weekend while he's back home before he leaves again for the next trip. Echo will come my way tonight and I'm cooking him dinner. We've been doing more talking and building on a D/s dynamic, so that has been pretty damn delightful. Wed I'm going to head his way and it sounds like I'm going to hang out with him and his boys. I *technically* met them at the game night but for all of like 5 seconds before they went to bed. I think I'll still just be daddy's "friend" for now with no PDA until after bed-time. But I think that's 100% reasonable given how early things are and that they're still working through the fine points of how to have those convos with their kiddos!

I'm really hoping that Sudo's work thing goes well this week. I know he was nervous, but also excited to keep growing the business. He's smart and super capable, so I'm confident that he'll do well, and that if any challenges do come up (since they often do given the nature of how these shows go) that he'll be able to work through them. Excited for him making his dreams come true!!!
 
SUDO IS HOME!!

Granted, he leaves again on Tues morning for the next trip... but it's at least nice to have him back home for a bit. Sadly, he has plenty of work to do, but we're still going to relax tonight and snuggle. And we're going to a game night at Metal's house tomorrow night. Outside of that, no real plans for the next few days so that we can have some QT, and also so that Sudo can work.

We DID however, finally get our foyer and main level hallways painted. So we have a dark blue accent wall and the rest are light gray. I can FINALLY start hanging picture frames and decorating in those areas! Yay! Maybe I'll do a bit of that on Sunday or something.

Poor Sudo stayed in bed until like 1pm today, and I think he's still pretty wiped out. Tonight hopefully he can get another full night of sleep and maybe feel a bit more normal tomorrow. I think his next conference is going to be another complex one until he can get more streamlining into his programming when he has a break in Nov.

Things, otherwise, are good. Echo and I are both feeling the NRE HARD. And have acknowledged it to each other. But I'm definitely loving that he is so ready to just fold me into his life and introduce me to his people vs me just being some secret side-piece. Still gotta figure out what I'm gonna do about Thanksgiving. Sudo's parents and 1 brother/SIL are coming to stay with us, and we're gonna host the meal and my mom, brother, SIL, and grandpa will all come over for a meal. Sooo.... do I invite Echo? I'd like to... but I haven't been open with the poly thing with my grandpa. It would feel weird pretending like he's just my friend. I dunno, food for thought. But Echo DID ask what we were doing for Thanksgiving. We're also having to be like "ok, as much as I want to talk to you all day, I should focus on work today." LOL. That was today actually, since we spend way too much time chatting yesterday.

*swoon* life is basically just really good right now.
 
The emotional Rollercoaster continues. Had a great overnight tip to NYC with Echo that I'm currently on a bus home from. He was going up for a work conference and invited me to join him, so I did.

Sudo is not handling things well though and something has to change. When I get home I'll be spending part of tomorrow looking into therapists and trying to schedule us with one. I can't wait any longer. The insecurities, clinginess, and anxiety are suffocating. I love him to death but this is no way to do poly. I'm not going anywhere, but if he can't figure out how to better communicate and better manage his anxieties he's just going to end up more and more hurt. I really don't want that.

Now that he's all done with his work trips we will both be home, so this therapy needs to be a priority. Both couples therapy for us and individual therapy for him (and possibly diagnosis and medication for things like Add and anxiety).
 
So, we cancelled our discussion group last night to have some emergency conversations since we were both really unhappy with things. We'll be ok, but communication has been shit recently, and our expectations have been totally mismatched.

I was feeling like I was very intentionally splitting my time between focusing on Sudo when he was home and enjoying my time with Echo when Sudo was not home, and yet he was still feeling neglected.

Sudo was REALLY hurt by me going on this trip to NYC with Echo, but when I first brought up the idea, he said *nothing* and by the time he FINALLY expressed not being happy with it, he'd gone so long without objecting that I was already pretty much set on going, and all he ever said was that he "didn't think it was a good idea" vs actually saying "this is super upsetting to me and I really would like you to not go because I am really needing some quality time right now." Basically, Sudo sucks at direct communication. And even when I felt like I was communicating pretty directly, he wasn't really getting some of the things I was saying all along either. So he's been feeling like it's just 1 surprise after another. And I've been frustrated that things that are surprising to him should even BE a surprise (for example, why should me mentioning that we had/might likely have sex on the 3rd date be a surprise? Lots of people don't even make it to the 3rd date before having sex. So me saying shortly before hand that it's certainly a possibility SHOULDN'T really be that shocking!).

*sigh*

Anyway, both of us committed that we do want to make things work, that our relationship is important. That we need to do better with direct communication and sharing important things, or understanding what are even the "important things to know about other relationships." But I also intend to get us into therapy ASAP to have some outside facilitation with some of that communication because there are just times when we are talking past each other. We both admitted that we could have done better. And we're taking this next week to focus on time together when we're home, and focus on family while Peach and company are up visiting this weekend. I'm going to try and get in some lunch dates with Echo so that I can still get at least a little bit of quality time with him, since I'm not going to be able to plan any dates with him for about a week. Fortunately he was super understanding about it, and he wants Sudo and I to be solid.
 
Things seem to have calmed down and pretty much gotten back to normal.... except that last week on Thurs I left work early knowing that I for SURE had a fever, and body aches all over. Was figuring maybe I had the flu, so I went to urgent care. Well 4 hours later, I finally came out with a confirmed case of Strep and an Rx for antibiotics. Oh, and a 102.7 fever. yay.

I took Thurs and Fri off since I felt like absolute garbage and spent both days in bed battling my fever. Sadly, that means Sudo and I didn't go to a game night that Echo and Mrs. Echo were having, which I was looking forward to. I didn't start to recover until Sat. And wasn't actually feeling decent until Sunday.

I was at least able to go to a "Create your own love map" workshop on Sun afternoon with Echo, so we could learn a bit about ourselves and how we relationship and communicate that. I have some worksheets that I could also give Sudo so he can do the same! We then had a nice date night and got dinner and then cuddled at my place.

Tonight, there's a big poly dating happy hour that we're going to. Meaning myself, Sudo, Echo, Mrs. Echo, some other partners of theirs and friends of ours and it's gonna be a huge group. I'm off to meet Sudo first for dinner on our own.

Oh, and Echo has now told his mom and all 4 of his siblings about them being poly and about me! And Sun night he had a regular scheduled phone call with his mom, and he put it on speakerphone so that we could "meet." It was cute. His mom was totally accepting of the poly thing since she, after many years of being married and raising kids, realized she was gay, and so had her own big major life change. So I guess she certainly gets that things can change, even when people are married. lol.

This week, Sudo's parents, and one of his brother's and SIL are coming to stay with us for thanksgiving. We're actually having our celebratory dinner on Fri. But they'll be with us Thurs through Sun (with 3 additional dogs to our 1). Peach may make a last minute decision to also come up and stay with us Fri-Sun since her fiance is working that weekend (though I dunno how the hell that will work since it will also mean 2 more dogs!). Gonna be an exhausting week!
 
So much to write that I don't even possibly know where to begin.

Sudo proposed! He's been working on it for weeks, and apparently I fucked up his plans by coming down with strep when he wanted to propose (though there was some delay with the ring so it wasn't really ready anyway). But there he was trying to discretely get the stone set and get things set up while I was being miserable on the couch. LOL.

So we were going to a poly dating happy hour last Monday after work, and we were just going to have dinner first rather than me go home and then back into the city for the happy hour. When I got to the restaurant to meet him, he said we weren't going there, and instead we were going across the street to a different restaurant, and then told me how much he loved me and all the things and asked me to marry him and gave me a pretty ring! Turns out, the restaurant where we had our first date, which we both knew had closed and was moving, had actually re-opened right across the street from the dinner place I'd picked. He found out, and decided that was how he'd propose. Apparently there were several back-up plans since i kept changing the schedule, getting sick, and otherwise making it very hard for him to plan a surprise! haha. Well I was surprised. We had a lovely romantic dinner, and then still went to the happy hour to see our friends and get all the congratulations for getting engaged.

Of course, the night ended on a slight sour note when one of Echo's other partners (Echo, his wife, and both of his other partners were also in attendance at the HH) told Echo that Sudo had touched her waist inappropriately when they were talking and made her really uncomfortable, while simultaneously telling ME that it was surely an accident and not a big deal and she wasn't even worried about it. So of course Echo got really angry because he was being told one story, while I was then pissed at Echo for over-reacting because she was telling me a totally different story that sounded more like a non-issue. I still talked to Sudo about it, who had NO IDEA what she was talking about as he didn't recall touching her at all and was wondering if he'd just done it subconsciously in an "oh hey, scoot over cause someone is trying to walk by you in this super crowded bar" sort of way.

The ridiculousness only continued when said meta, this past weekend, went on a full blown super manic episode and messaged me for hours in the middle of the night claiming the Echo was super upset over all sorts of things and losing it (while sounding so off the wall that it seemed more like SHE was losing it). She then showed up at Echo's place unannounced and uninvited the next morning, continued to rant and rave, swore a bunch in front of his kids, and Mrs. Echo had to force her to leave. Echo didn't even know she had mental health issues until things started going down hill that night before, and apparently now she's in the hospital being treated.

SO, it now seems like the whole "touching" incident was more than likely all part of the severe mania that was building up for her in the first place. Which makes sense since all of us, when discussing it were like.... seriously? Sudo is the LAST person who would just get touchy with someone he had just met. He's so shy and so introverted and not touchy feely, that I was flabbergasted, and he didn't even know what the heck she was talking about. We still had all the discussions of "hey, regardless of whether it happened or not, please make sure that before you touch anyone, you're asking for consent." But he already knows all that, so it felt like we were basically just stating the obvious. I mean, whatever, if HER reality is that she thought something happened and felt weird about it, she has every right to be upset. But when she's telling our shared partner that she was upset, but then just super adamantly telling me that she's not upset at all and that he's totally over-reacting, and also just batshit and has gone off her meds.... well.... *shrug*. As much as I don't wanna be that person who doesn't believe a woman who claims a consent violation, I'm gonna go with, it may have happened or not, but all the learning from this that could be done, has been done.

But mainly, it was a whole fuck-load of drama because of a swirl of unmanaged mental health issues and has really just exhausted everyone. But at the end of the day, we've come through it. Sudo and I are good, Echo and I are good, and Sudo and Echo are now all good too. And meta.... well, now sorta ex-meta (as given the safety issues of her behavior around his kids, Echo is unwilling to see her again until her stuff is properly managed, and even then I think it's questionable) is getting the help that she needs to get her shit together.

Oh, after my fight with Echo the night of and day after the engagement, we met as a sort of emergency meeting after work so that we could hash things out and not let things linger over the long holiday break while I wouldn't be able to see him (house full of guests), and he gave me flowers and told me that he was really scared that this issue was going to cause him to lose me, which he didn't want to happen because he loved me! So that was the first time we exchanged "I love you's". So I guess that's one way for all of this to come about.

So yeah... holy fuck, super dramatic week. Also there was still all the family visiting over Thanksgiving, which I haven't even gotten to. But all of us are super over polycule drama. Things have at least settled down though and I think the storm is over and we can just be calm now.

Soooo good and bad stuff? ......
 
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