This weekend was so good in so many ways and so bad in so many others. I'm still struggling a bit with how quickly it went from fun happy, to upset and crying.
Sat started off with a productive day. Sudo and I did some painting at his house and some other things on the to-do check list like taking a car load of crap to a donation center, etc. We had some great sexy times where we tried some new things, so that was really awesome. Sat evening we were planning to attend a glow party at a local play space, and Elle was going to come along. I'd finally get to meet her and Sudo would get to spend time with both of us. We decided to see if she wanted to come early so we could all get dinner, which worked well since that way we were meeting first in a casual setting and not half naked! Elle was great. We got along wonderfully, spent WAY too much time talking about surgery (she's had some of the same things done that I have and has surgery scheduled to basically get all of the remaining things done). We got to the play space and had a great time there too. I tried out hot wax play for the first time with someone there who is very experienced and does demos and such. It was awesome! As someone who is so cold so often, the heat of the wax was just... mmmm. I was joking that I was warm for the first time in my life! hehe. None of us did any private play or anything like that, and Sudo did a really good job of balancing the attention between us. We met new people, had fun conversations, etc. They were doing a game of spin the bottle in one area of the play space that was intended to be a fun ice breaker for meeting people, so we all went to do that. The rules were that there was a bucket with 3 slips of paper that said kiss, spank, and pinch. You spin the bottle, who ever it points to picks a paper and the spinner gets to do that action to the person who picked out the paper, but the person on the receiving end can negotiate where, how, etc. So you could get a little light butt slap if it's not your thing, or a kiss on the hand/cheek if that's not your thing, etc. Sudo had never in his life played spin the bottle, which was another reason we were like "OMG, we have to go do this!" Of course, his first kiss was dudo on dudo action! haha. He even took it like a champ and gave the guy a quick kiss on the lips.
The group grew and shrank over time, but at the largest had about 15 people and at the smallest maybe 8? I had my very first girl kiss ever! Girls have such soft lips! haha. I even ended up drawing Kiss between Elle and I twice, so Sudo got to enjoy that show.
Basically, the night was super fun and everything was going really well. We headed back home really late, but Elle had enough to drink that she needed to wait at Sudo's place for a while before she thought she'd be ok to drive. The 3 of us cuddled up on the couch with Sudo between us and we just snuggled in silence and occasionally exchanged kisses (not Elle and I, that was only for the silly game). But this is where it turns south really fast.
We were all just laying around long enough that it was crazy late. Especially when you add in the time change. Clearly it was late enough that I didn't see how Elle was going to be going home. Everyone was really tired and I wouldn't have expected that, yet no one was going to bed. I'm pretty sure that Sudo was struggling to figure out what he really wanted, since I think he wanted private time with Elle, but didn't want to leave me either, etc. But he wasn't speaking up and I'm not a damned mind-reader. I was tired and now my back was starting to hurt from how I was sitting next to Sudo on the couch so finally I was over waiting for him to speak up about what he wanted to do with us (At this point Elle looked to be half-asleep on his other arm). I said, it was late enough that if Elle was going to be staying here for the night then we should all just go upstairs to bed (thinking that if we were only going to have platonic cuddles then I really don't care if we all share the same bed), but quietly said that if he wanted a moment with Elle he should say so. He sort of nodded at that point (I mean, it was kind of weird to try and have that conversation with her right there). I got up, and went upstairs and he had to walk the dogs etc. So now I'm left unsure of exactly what the hell is going to happen. I figured either they'd come up and we'd all just pass out, or they might take a little time to fool around but wouldn't be long.
But I also couldn't fall asleep even though I was exhausted because this was just a super foreign situation for me. And after waiting, I finally hear it.... manage to hear a few sounds floating upstairs that they're fooling around. There are no condoms downstairs, so if things were going to go to the point of sex, Sudo would have to come upstairs to get something.... and he eventually does. At this point, I'm upset. I really don't care if he wanted to have sex with her, or that he actually did. Heck, I'm not even upset that I heard it. Granted, it was very jarring to finally hear it for the first time. I've never actually heard him with someone else. Known about it? Sure. Heard it? No. Did it feel awesome? Nope. In any other context where it wouldn't have been the first time of me hearing it, do I think I'd have been upset? I really don't think so. But given that I haven't heard this before, I really expected that he could have popped upstairs before they started fooling around, or hell, when he knew he had to get a condom (I was in the guest room, he chose to go get one from the master room) and done some sort of check-in with me to, I dunno, warn me? Make sure that emotionally I was ok?
So here I am, hearing them, not able to fall asleep for the life of me. Even when they're done, I still can't fall asleep. But it's quiet. So now I don't know if one or both of them are eventually coming upstairs? Is he going to fall asleep cuddling her on the couch and leave me up here to myself? And oh shit, I need to stop looking like I've been crying because if she comes upstairs with him (which she did), I don't want her to be horrified by seeing that I was upset and thinking that she did something wrong, because, frankly, I don't think she did and I don't blame her at all.
Yet here they both come after I finally hear moving around downstairs. She talks to me for a bit while he's out of the room and is kinda like "uh, what now? This is sorta awkward!" Background here, she's poly, but not used to meeting and being around metamours. So this whole interaction, and staying over at one person's place when a metamour is there, is also foreign to her! She said that she offered to sleep on the couch, but Sudo insisted she didn't have to (I'm sure because I'd already basically offered that the 3 of us could sleep together, but I did that before knowing they were going to have fucked). She already said she was feeling awkward, so I flat out said "oh no, you do what you feel comfortable with. If you don't want to sleep here (inside I'm thinking oh please don't say you want to sleep in here) you don't have to. Sudo can make up the other bed if that would be more comfortable for you." Luckily, Elle is not dumb. She already feels awkward, I admitted it was awkward, and I think she could tell I wasn't entirely ok. She said she was taking the couch and that was that. So while she was going through the bathroom and all that, Sudo came into the room and sat down and mentioned something about going to bed and I just said "um, after you get a shower (he normally always showers before bed anyway)". But given that it was now around 6 in the morning he said "I've had like 4 showers today (post painting, earlier in the day sexy times, etc.), I think I'll be fine until morning." Oh hell no! He may have washed his face and given himself a basic sponge bath when he went through the bathroom, but I wasn't having it. I just said "No. You're getting a shower." At which point I think I FINALLY dawned on him that I wasn't in a good place.
To be continued....