I'm doing a lot better today, I feel like I made a breakthrough yesterday to be able to slowly proceed.
Everyone in our group has decided to slow things down and proceed slowly. One step at a time. I think part of the complication(perhaps it is what helps) is that Her and I are very close friends as well.
But everyone is in agreement of slowing things down, because she and my husband both were caught off guard by their lack of control. Mostly my husband, he knew some things were hurting me, but he felt a lack of control to stop. Ive told him not to beat himself up about it, that the situation set us up for this.
Going down, the trip, Initially, and everyone was aware, there may be nothing going on (naive on all our parts perhaps). Our initial rules were much more restrictive, and everyone agreed on them.
My husband and I had time to read the book, and go through some jealousy worksheets during the 13 hour drive (And keep in mind, I'm the one who was furthest behind with what I was comfortable with, so everyone was looking at me for what was going to be ok). I felt very confident in lifting a lot of the initial restrictions we had.
I just wasnt prepared.. None of us were prepared for the intensity that the restrictions probably caused, none of us were prepared to witness affections for the first time in front of us.
My husband and I are taking a step back (still maintaining the friendships) and everyone is on board with this. We have always said the friendship was much more important.
I feel confident that Husband and GF can resume soon with romantic relations once they feel comfortable and if they decide to.
But they are going slow.
In the meantime my husband are going to go to meetups to meet other "poly" to find a support system in dealing with things that do crop up, and have someone to talk to. And were reading our books.
This was a decision made by both of us. He felt unprepared as well.
He and I have connected on very very deep levels over the course of the last few days. And he has been amazing in understanding, and I think he feels the same with me.
I feel this experienced has helped, and hope that it helps us move forward. I think the friendships are going to be ok, and if they resume, that will also be ok.
And thank you for the resources that were shared, we will be looking these over as well.