I would like to consider myself a pretty open minded girl. I think that the jealousy and possessiveness that we (as a society) idealize as being romantic is pretty sick. Owning a partner is not romantic, its unhealthy and destructive. People are more complicated than that (at least generally), and especially when it comes to sex, we are inherently sexual creatures and denying that is also pretty unhealthy. Polyamory seems like the "right" choice both rationally and morally.
So why in the hell do I feel this awful sinking dread in my chest every time I think of my partner being with someone else? Worse, she doesnt even want to share her love, she just wants to share sex. She has made it clear she wants me to be the only person she ever loves. Thats so so very reasonable...why the hell cant I be?
My partner and I have been together almost a year and we are extremely close. I trust her implicitly. I know that she loves me more than anything in the world, she couldnt hide it from me if she wanted. I dont think that she would leave me. And I love her more than life. We want to get married but we've agreed not to do it until weve been together longer.
She's poly and I...I dont know what the hell is going on in my head.
We're both pretty sexually adventurous and we both like the idea of group sex. But when it comes to just having sex with other people...I get super upset. Im not even sure what Im feeling exactly. I cant explain why I feel the way I do. Am I jealous? Jealous of what exactly? Jealous that my partner whom I love is able to experience some things which I cant provide for her? That she enjoy herself without me? What kind of piece of shit am I?
I cant even make sense of it. It makes perfect sense the OTHER way around. We are both subs, were both pan, we both have things we enjoy that we cant really do for each other for various reasons. We have astonishingly good sex together but we cant be everything to each other all of the time, it just makes sense to fill in some of those gaps with other people. Its just having some fun after all.
So why cant I get over it?
I admit Ive not been in an open relationship before, she has. Ive only had group sex twice (although I would like to explore more) and she has had group sex numerous times. I also admit I have some mental health issues that complicate things (we both do). And I know, I should (and do/will) talk to a therapist. But I wanted to see if anyone else out there felt betrayed by their own emotions like this. My therapist is wonderful, but I wanted advice from someone who lives it. I dont know if Ive ever felt so at odds with my own feelings. Has anyone else felt this way? How do I get over this? Im kind of at a loss...
I want to be the best girlfriend I can be for her. What do I do??
Thank you all so much
A
So why in the hell do I feel this awful sinking dread in my chest every time I think of my partner being with someone else? Worse, she doesnt even want to share her love, she just wants to share sex. She has made it clear she wants me to be the only person she ever loves. Thats so so very reasonable...why the hell cant I be?
My partner and I have been together almost a year and we are extremely close. I trust her implicitly. I know that she loves me more than anything in the world, she couldnt hide it from me if she wanted. I dont think that she would leave me. And I love her more than life. We want to get married but we've agreed not to do it until weve been together longer.
She's poly and I...I dont know what the hell is going on in my head.
We're both pretty sexually adventurous and we both like the idea of group sex. But when it comes to just having sex with other people...I get super upset. Im not even sure what Im feeling exactly. I cant explain why I feel the way I do. Am I jealous? Jealous of what exactly? Jealous that my partner whom I love is able to experience some things which I cant provide for her? That she enjoy herself without me? What kind of piece of shit am I?
I cant even make sense of it. It makes perfect sense the OTHER way around. We are both subs, were both pan, we both have things we enjoy that we cant really do for each other for various reasons. We have astonishingly good sex together but we cant be everything to each other all of the time, it just makes sense to fill in some of those gaps with other people. Its just having some fun after all.
So why cant I get over it?
I admit Ive not been in an open relationship before, she has. Ive only had group sex twice (although I would like to explore more) and she has had group sex numerous times. I also admit I have some mental health issues that complicate things (we both do). And I know, I should (and do/will) talk to a therapist. But I wanted to see if anyone else out there felt betrayed by their own emotions like this. My therapist is wonderful, but I wanted advice from someone who lives it. I dont know if Ive ever felt so at odds with my own feelings. Has anyone else felt this way? How do I get over this? Im kind of at a loss...
I want to be the best girlfriend I can be for her. What do I do??
Thank you all so much
A