Had a date with someone I think is amazing and poly

That's great that you're going to be seeing a counselor. It should help.

And good luck on your pending date!
 
I'm open to dating someone poly but I don't think it's going to be her

Just finished my second date which went much better than the first however something she's asked at the end not only made me uncomfortable but hurt me too.

I've accepted her for who she is and yet she expecting my to change, not only has she said she will work on removing quirks of mine but also that she wants to change my appearance. I'm not changing myself for someone, I am who I am, I look as I do. I have quirks developed after years of events that have shaped me. I am who I am.

Thanks for all the support you have given but I don't think I'll be on here anymore.
 
I told you it sounded like an arranged marriage. Good idea to duck those if you can :p

Have fun.

That said, if the rest of the date went fine, you can simply refuse the changes and say you like yourself as you are and she if she can be okay with that.
 
Sorry to hear things aren't working out, Aztech. FWIW, you'll always be welcome on this forum, come on back sometime even if you just want to chat.
 
Hi guys, I told her I wasn't comfortable with changing my appearance and well she got a bit mad at me and then after said she was only joking and that she has a dark sense of humour. She doesn't want to see me anymore even though I haven't done anything to cause that other than speak the truth that what she said, what she has asked. I wasn't comfortable. I just feel hurt after going through so much to understand and accept her to now be ditched because I didn't find it funny when she made me feel like something was wrong with the way I look, that my little quirks are something to work on and change.

Thanks again.
 
I didn't find it funny when she made me feel like something was wrong with the way I look

It's not a "joke" or "just kidding" when one says things that hurts or puts down other people.

I think you were wise to speak your truth, and not accept it when she tries to excuse her poor behavior with "it was just a joke."

This was just the start if a dating thing when people are usually on their BEST behavior. If she behaves like that now as her best behavior... sheesh! How does she behave later on?

It doesn't sound like she was after a dating partner. Sounds like she wanted a "project." It's ok for you to decline to be that "project." I'm glad you stood up for yourself.

Let her be mad. Let this one go.

Galagirl
 
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Hi guys, I told her I wasn't comfortable with changing my appearance and well she got a bit mad at me and then after said she was only joking and that she has a dark sense of humour. She doesn't want to see me anymore even though I haven't done anything to cause that other than speak the truth that what she said, what she has asked. I wasn't comfortable. I just feel hurt after going through so much to understand and accept her to now be ditched because I didn't find it funny when she made me feel like something was wrong with the way I look, that my little quirks are something to work on and change.

Thanks again.

Time to move on. Good luck.
 
Thank you again

I was quite upset and then angry, I was upset because she wanted to change and angry that through all of this she wanted me to accept her for who she is which I did. I'm okay now guys I've let it all leave my system, I was ready to give up on dating but I'm not going to let one women ruin things for me.

As far as polyamory goes I'm still open, open to it if I meet someone else who is polyamorous. However, it's just not me. I will always accept whoever I end up with for who they are mono or poly. For now, I will continue dating and just have fun. I do need to learn to relax more and just go with the flow, I think for now I just need to think about me.

I've got talking to someone else who I was talking to around the same time as my poly date, I did stop taking to her because I can only concentrate on one person and I told her I was going on a date and she wished me luck. We have got back in touch with each other and are continuing where we left of, I won't let one bad egg shut the door for me. I'm not saying she's bad as such because I got on with her as a person but to date someone who doesn't want me for me isn't what I'm after. Let's just say we weren't compatible and leave it at that, this new woman seems a good fit for me so far.

Watch this space I might get all I want sooner or later, onwards and upwards.
 
Sounds like things are looking up; that's good to hear.
 
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