I am really struggling
Here is the current situation:
I have several mental health diagnoses. I take medication, see a doc and am part of several support groups. I have been stable for the last year and what I am currently doing works for me, at least until a crisis happens. I am in a polyamous relationship with Fox (legal husband) and Raven (boyfriend).
I am married to Fox and we have five children. We are a blended family. Fox's daughter (who I have raised since she was 12) attempted suicide three days ago. She is still in ICU and unresponsive. This caused me to have a lot of triggers and I didn't realize just how much I was not coping until Fox pointed it out to me and said "your mouth is writing checks your ass isn't gonna want to cover later."
Yesterday it was pretty bad. I was cold and clammy and broke out in a sweat several times during the day. I didn't recognize it for what it was but Fox did and so did Raven.
It felt like the other posts I made (on other sites) where met with criticism and made me feel like if I can't handle the anxiety and panic on my own then I am subjecting my Dom's to "my problems" and I am a "bad sub."
After a night in the playroom I feel like I'm in control a bit better now and I know after I see Raven this weekend it will be even better.
I was given a script for PRN anxiety medication but it is a benzo and I am leery to use it as I work in a locked psych ward and know the side affects (addictive) and how hard it can be to get a script refilled for benzo's.
My guys support me 100% so I'm struggling with the nonacceptance that I am receiving in the "poly world" for subject my guys to "my" mental health issues.
All I do know is that I am feeling overwhelmed and out of control
Here is the current situation:
I have several mental health diagnoses. I take medication, see a doc and am part of several support groups. I have been stable for the last year and what I am currently doing works for me, at least until a crisis happens. I am in a polyamous relationship with Fox (legal husband) and Raven (boyfriend).
I am married to Fox and we have five children. We are a blended family. Fox's daughter (who I have raised since she was 12) attempted suicide three days ago. She is still in ICU and unresponsive. This caused me to have a lot of triggers and I didn't realize just how much I was not coping until Fox pointed it out to me and said "your mouth is writing checks your ass isn't gonna want to cover later."
Yesterday it was pretty bad. I was cold and clammy and broke out in a sweat several times during the day. I didn't recognize it for what it was but Fox did and so did Raven.
It felt like the other posts I made (on other sites) where met with criticism and made me feel like if I can't handle the anxiety and panic on my own then I am subjecting my Dom's to "my problems" and I am a "bad sub."
After a night in the playroom I feel like I'm in control a bit better now and I know after I see Raven this weekend it will be even better.
I was given a script for PRN anxiety medication but it is a benzo and I am leery to use it as I work in a locked psych ward and know the side affects (addictive) and how hard it can be to get a script refilled for benzo's.
My guys support me 100% so I'm struggling with the nonacceptance that I am receiving in the "poly world" for subject my guys to "my" mental health issues.
All I do know is that I am feeling overwhelmed and out of control
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