Talk to Me About Overnights

sue21asb

New member
I am still relatively new to all of this. I am happy and settled with my current relationships, but overnights haven't happened yet. Next week will be my first, yay!

A friend of mine who is poly suggested that I be prepared for an emotional drop afterwards. So, I wanted to hear from others, as well. What can I expect emotionally? I honestly expect there to be some sort of drop, anyway. The partner I'm going to see next week moved to a city about 3.5-4 hours away, and I haven't seen him in 3 weeks, after seeing each other regularly for nearly 3 months straight. I expect there to be a "I'm a little sad because I'm not sure when we'll see each other again" drop, but is there anything else I should be prepared for? What about my husband? Anything he should expect?
 
I usually am in a bit of a funk after I leave Jack's place or Jack leaves mine. The drive home is usually helpful, but if he leaves from my place, it can be hard. I can get pretty bummed.

I've asked Roger for some space after those times, for me to be sad about missing Jack and to readjust my mind to my other relationship. I've also talked to Roger about how he can seem "off" after being with Taylor, who shared a similar experience to mine.

I think it was different when Taylor and Roger weren't long distance - he'd bounce back quicker. I simply ask him what he needs during that time, and it's usually space and understanding. Sometimes it's hard because I'm excited to see him and he'll be down, but I know I do the same thing back to him. All part of long distance relationships, for us, I suppose.

Just some of my rambling thoughts. :eek:
 
After our former date days, I typically needed a day or so of space to get back into a normal with my husband. Some weeks, it was harder than others, depending on what was going on that week, and our "goodbye" when he moved was rough, for me, emotionally. So, I'm slightly concerned about how I will feel after seeing him for the first time in a month.
 
I don't know if preparing oneself for an "emotional drop" is very productive. Sounds like rather negative, self-fulfilling prophecy kind of stuff, to me. You know, if we brace ourselves for the worst, we are putting ourselves in a very low kind of place. An "emotional drop" could be something that some people might go through, but hell, you might have a totally different experience! You might feel elated and high on life after seeing him, or you might just be neutral, present, and satisfied with how your life is going.

Sure, it makes sense to take some time to transition from one dynamic to another, but I think it's always best not to create a disaster in my mind when none exists.
 
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I don't feel any emotional drop after overnights with Dag - but then again we live close enough to see each other whenever.

There is a physical drop for sure though - we don't usually get enough sleep when we're together ;)

The biggest issue for me is that I get home tired and stressing about household stuff that has piled up ... Dogs need walked, laundry needs done... While my husband is sometimes lonely or bored after a night alone. I've learned to leave the to-do list until I've spent some time with my husband. He's learned that the post overnight reconnect time is more likely to be cuddles and tv than an all day hike or passionate sex.

Have fun on the overnight :D
 
Hi sue21asb,

I am thinking that as everyone is different, everyone will have a unique experience when it comes to overnights. You won't know quite what to expect until you have your overnight.

I know, probably not the answer you were looking for. :eek:
Sincere regards,
Kevin T.
 
I don't know if preparing oneself for an "emotional drop" is very productive. Sounds like rather negative, self-fulfilling prophecy kind of stuff, to me.

Couldn't agree more.

If you go in thinking that an "emotional drop" is normal and to be expected, then you'll certainly find yourself "dropping." Feeling down after an overnight would be the result of any number of various thoughts that are colliding with your current beliefs. I know that I've had emotions all over the map after overnights (and not-so-overnight amazingly connected dates) but those emotions are the result of what I'm thinking about, not what anyone else would necessarily be experiencing. It's nice to know that we're in good company and that we're understood when we find ourselves having difficulty, but there's really no upside to expecting a so-called "emotional drop" that is not even an actual part of having a sleep over. It's kinda like asking "What should I do about cold feet?" right before walking down the aisle. Sure, some people experience this, but to expect it rather brings on the very feelings that you're fearing.
 
I don't experience any drop after overnights with Woody. I leave his house, I have a half-hour drive home to reset myself, and then I'm home and living the life I live here. I compartmentalize very strongly, though, so when I'm with Woody I'm with Woody, when I'm home I'm home. End of story.

I did experience a drop after overnights with my ex-boyfriend, but that was mainly because at that point, Hubby and I were having some serious issues in our marriage, so I didn't particularly want to be home dealing with all that stress. Hubby and I are in a better place now.
 
I leave my overnights with my boyfriend, elated and happy. 😊
 
Overnights or not, I can feel any which way after a date with an OSO, when returning to my life with my gf. Sometimes she and I are both horny from our experiences, mine from being well shagged (sometimes I feel hornier than ever after getting some sex), sometimes she is turned on from imagining (or hearing) me with another lover.

Sometimes I might feel distant for a while, usually not a whole day, but 6 hours or so. Sometimes, I see a bf one day, another bf the next day, and still feel present for miss pixi that evening.

And I've found the same thing with her. The day after her last overnight with her bf, she was distant til evening, and then opened up to me talking about the date, and then wanting to reconnect sexually in a rather intense way. :)
 
Well, I'll be sure to let you know how it goes. At this point, I'm just excited to see him and start working out our new "normal."
 
Count me in as someone who doesn't feel a drop after overnights with my boyfriend. However we see each other regularly and I chat with him after I get home (not right away, but the same day) so there isn't really a "when will I see you again?" aspect to it. I do miss my husband when I'm having an overnight with my boyfriend, and I miss my boyfriend when I'm home, but I would say that's to be expected.
 
Given the last several posts, I do wonder if the emotional drop for me is related to the long distance. For the time being, I only see Jack once every 2-3 weeks. It'd be different if we had a FWB thing going on, but he and I view each other as life partners. I prefer more entangled lives with my partners, so this whole LDR is particularly hard for me.
 
Overnight was Thursday.

Given the last several posts, I do wonder if the emotional drop for me is related to the long distance. For the time being, I only see Jack once every 2-3 weeks. It'd be different if we had a FWB thing going on, but he and I view each other as life partners. I prefer more entangled lives with my partners, so this whole LDR is particularly hard for me.

I believe that the LDR issue is what contributed to the drop I did feel.

I left him on Friday morning and felt wonderful. We had a great night and morning, but I realized yesterday morning that I had really missed seeing him every week. I really do not want to go another month without seeing him again. That realization caused a drop, for sure.
 
Ok, so now you can look forward with excitement to the next time!

Emotions rise and fall all the time. I don't really understand the desire to avoid a "drop." We're not going to be blissed out every single moment. Life happens and we deal with it. So, plan your next trip.
 
I have experienced feeling down and out of sorts after spending extensive amount of time with my BF. I've noticed it works best if I go straight to work from his place, or come home to an empty house - I don't do so well if my husband is home and I immediately have to interact with him.

But this really isn't very different from when I'm out with a close friend - I will come home after an evening out and will kiss my husband goodnight and go to bed and not talk about my evening. I need alone time and time to process before I can interact again in a way that isn't superficial smalltalk. I call it 'shifting gears'.
 
Does anyone use technology to help with this? Whenever my wife does an overnight with her boyfriend she skypes with me before they go to bed. I feel good knowing she's ok and she sleeps (or not!) better knowing I'm ok. When she gets home she skypes with her guy. It seems to take a bit of the edge off and balance out the highs and lows that she sometimes feels between home and his place.
 
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