Two possible closets avoided!


Glad you like 'em. I do too. Especially the ping pong balls with mouse traps! If I had a gymnasium and a ton of money for mouse traps and balls.... Oh, the fun we could have!
 
I was abused as a child but It didn't affect my self esteem, that I've always had a lot of.

That's rare. You are very fortunate! So blessed. A miracle, actually. I hope you know that.:)
 
That's rare. You are very fortunate! So blessed. A miracle, actually. I hope you know that.:)

Oh believe me I do I almost wonder if my bad childhood actually humbled me but on the other hand I kind of wonder what potential I would have had if I grown up in a different family
 
Oh believe me I do I almost wonder if my bad childhood actually humbled me but on the other hand I kind of wonder what potential I would have had if I grown up in a different family

If your self-esteem is good--, who cares? Just be you and enjoy your bountiful blessings. You are, indeed, very blessed. Too many people suffer with a lack of self-love, which plagues them their whole lives.

Just enjoy your blesssing!:)
 
If your self-esteem is good--, who cares? Just be you and enjoy your bountiful blessings. You are, indeed, very blessed. Too many people suffer with a lack of self-love, which plagues them their whole lives.

Just enjoy your blesssing!:)

Thank you, I hope you also reach that place ♡
 
No offense to anyone, but I never got the whole "Hey I am (fill in the blank)" in your face thing. I don't hide who I am, but I don't carry around a big neon sign either. My family is very judgemental. If they asked I would tell them, but it's really not any of their business anyway. As for anyone else, I don't care what people think.
 
No offense to anyone, but I never got the whole "Hey I am (fill in the blank)" in your face thing. I don't hide who I am, but I don't carry around a big neon sign either. My family is very judgemental. If they asked I would tell them, but it's really not any of their business anyway. As for anyone else, I don't care what people think.

Well both partners are part of my life so in talk about both. I don't go our of my way to announce it to every one I meet but when I talk about my husband and boyfriend they gwt thw picture.
 
What about polyfolk who aren't interested in being "poly activists?" One can take a stand by waving banners, making announcements about one's lifestyle, and marching in parades, but one can also take a stand by quietly living one's life without shoving it in other people's faces. I would prefer the latter.
 
I'm with nycindie. I'm pretty quiet for the most part (though you wouldn't know it from my posts on here; anonymous forums where I'm typing aren't the same as "real life"), so I wouldn't want to be marching in a poly pride parade or whatever. I just live my life the way I live it.

I am in the poly closet, and I really hate it sometimes because to me it feels dishonest. I have a huge problem with dishonesty. But I respect Hubby's request that his family and coworkers (incidentally, two of his three coworkers *are* family) not find out that I see other people. He claims he isn't worried about fallout for him; he's worried they'll see me as a gold-digging whore or something, and the one sure way to make Hubby blow his otherwise very long fuse is to hurt or insult me or my kids. He'd rather not get into a screaming fight with family members and end up alienating them, though that amuses the heck out of me because other than his father and uncle, who are the two aforementioned coworkers, Hubby pretty much never interacts with his family other than seeing his parents and sister on holidays.

I've worked around the constraints to some degree. I have talked about my other partners to my in-laws and the non-family coworker, but I've referred to them as close friends rather than partners and have confined those conversations to talking about how Guy gave me good advice to help keep my marriage running smoothly, or how S2 helped me with my writing and music.

On the other hand, I'm "out" to the pastor of my mother-in-law's church, to my parents, and to most of my friends (other than the ones who are members of the LDS church). To some of them, I made an actual announcement; to others, I just started talking about my partners as being my partners, and after a few "Wait, he's your boyfriend? Does your husband know? Is he okay with it?" type of questions, everyone accepted it.

And Alt has developed the bad habit of outing me not only to her friends, but to some of their parents as well... I asked her to stop and she claims she doesn't understand why it isn't okay to tell them since I'm not doing anything wrong. I tried to get through to her that outing someone without their consent isn't okay regardless of what you're outing them about or whether they're ashamed, but I don't think she's quite getting it.
 
I'm out to my oldest son and my best friend...no one else. Part of that is career path related, part of that is custody related, and, if I'm honest, part of it is the conservative area I live in and my judgmental family. When my youngest child graduates high school in a couple years, Blue & I plan to move near the coast and I plan to take vinsanity's approach of just living my life. At that time, I won't have to worry about my career path since I'll be working for myself. And, custody will no longer be an issue.
 
.... My family is very judgemental. If they asked I would tell them, but it's really not any of their business anyway. As for anyone else, I don't care what people think.

I only had one foot partly out of the closet as a bi man when I found myself loving and living with a man. For a while, I called that man my "roommate" to most people. Meanwhile, other people were calling their live-together love "boyfriend" or "girlfriend" (or husband, wife). I was doing that because of the presence of homophobia and heterosexism in the culture (which was much stronger then (a quarter century ago). And I was doing that because of my internalized homophobia and heterosexism. Any gay or bi guy (or gal) who has been in the closet can tell you how painful and constricted a space it is to live within. And I'm not so sure it's all that different with polyamory. Many people suffer in closets. Others seem to be okay with them. We are all different.

What about polyfolk who aren't interested in being "poly activists?" One can take a stand by waving banners, making announcements about one's lifestyle, and marching in parades, but one can also take a stand by quietly living one's life without shoving it in other people's faces. I would prefer the latter.

There are two extreme ends of a spectrum--with something in the middle. One end could be called the Militant Activist (MA) and the other end the Cowering Closet Case (CCC). These must be the minorities among the class, "polyamorists". Most polyamorists are in the middle somewhere.

Or maybe we're dealing with something else than a dyadic pair of opposites with these particular names? Maybe we can draw equilateral triangle, with each bottom corner being designated MA and CCC ... What might the third type be? (I'm suspicious of all maps and models, so ....)

Nobody should be a Militant Activist if they don't feel called to it. My only concern is that many experience real suffering in the closet. Too much energy goes into hiding in the shadows. Lives become distorted in hiding in shadows. I tend to sympathize and empathize ... and so want to blow the doors off the cultural poly closet -- similar to what happened with LGBT people, who are much happier for it.

I keep reading in here of people afraid of coming out because of legal custody concerns! I find this fact utterly offensive! It pisses me off that we live in a society where one can lose a "custody battle" because one is not monogamous. How is that different from losing a custody battle because one is, say, one of the letters in LGBTQ? Or because of sex, race, ethnicity? Honestly, I don't think the government should ever discriminate on the basis of one's loveway. And if anything makes my Militant ire rise up it would be this one!
 
Last edited:
Some people worry about losing their kids, some worry about losing their job, some worry their family will disown them, some worry about being treated all-around bad. And sometimes their worries are all too justified ...

And yet, I'm confident that polyamory will eventually gain widespread acceptance. I don't know when ... but I can wait.
 
Some people worry about losing their kids, some worry about losing their job, some worry their family will disown them, some worry about being treated all-around bad. And sometimes their worries are all too justified ...

And yet, I'm confident that polyamory will eventually gain widespread acceptance. I don't know when ... but I can wait.

I understand that , and if they need discretion that is fine for them and the partners that they find who will tolerate being in the closet but for myself I won't live in a closet. I won't hide who I love so I can't be with someone who needs to be secret because I don't operate that way
 
That's understandable.

I guess I've kind of gotten used to being closeted. It used to bother me. One thing is, I'm not completely closeted. My older brother knows (probably his wife too) and he's cool about it.
 
Back
Top