Metamour Manipulation? Can't Tell...

BelleRose

New member
I've been with my bf, George, for 2 1/2 months now, officially, though we dated on and off for a year or so before making it a "thing". George has several other partners where the relationships take on more of a friends-with-benefits nature, and one other girlfriend, Gina, with whom he has been with for a year and a half.

Gina is the first metamour I've ever met. I love George and wanted to get along with her for his sake, so I ignored some red flags the day we first met.

1 - We met when my boyfriend and I were only two weeks into our relationship. Looking back I would have preferred it hadn't happened so fast. Not only because I'd never met a metamour before, but because our relationship was SO new that we were still finding our own footing as a couple. Also, he's never been a hinge before.

2 - My birthday is at the end of July. We met at the beginning of May. She asked me if I'd made any big birthday plans, and when I shared she smiled and sort of playfully squealed, "Omg, sounds so cool, can I come?!"

To which I immediately said yes. Because what was I going to say? No? In that moment?

In the moment it didn't feel like pressure, but in retrospect it does. And yes, I should have been a big girl and set a boundary. I shouldn't have jumped the gun and agreed to have a virtual stranger at my 30th birthday party who just happens to be my boyfriend's other girlfriend, which will obviously have a huge impact on the dynamic at the party itself.

3 - The next morning I got a text from George asking me if I thought I'd ever be interested in all three of us together, because Gina had mentioned it. I was immediately alarmed. No, I hadn't thought that and didn't want that. But also I had JUST met Gina! So the birthday party, plus hey have you ever thought about all three of us having sex was just...a lot for me.

I told him I hadn't thought of it and he insisted there was no pressure. But I feel very responsible for having ignored this red flag in the moment.

So fast forward, here we are two months later. Things have shifted.

You see, George doesn't believe in relationship hierarchy, so doesn't consider Gina his primary partner and me his secondary partner despite having been with her longer. But every time we've all hung out they've gone home together, so I've felt like the third wheel or unicorn to a primary couple.

Thinking of a polyamory Ted Talk I'd seen a while ago, I thought maybe if Gina and I got to know each other outside of George it would make things a little better. We could actually be friends, we could work in cooperation as opposed to competition, and I wouldn't feel these weird feelings anymore. Horrible idea on my part. The exact opposite happened.

Instead of going to lunch (our original plan) on a neutral day, we ended up going to a spa on a night where she'd already planned to meet George at the bar after he got off. Now I'd taken a shuttle to the spa, and had planned on taking it back and then doing something on my own, but Gina suggested that she could always give me a ride back to the city so I let the last shuttle go. Then later I found out that it was actually her intention to park her car at George's apartment and take the train to the bar. This meant that not only would we arrive VERY late (half an hour before close) which wouldn't really give me time to do much besides linger for half an hour and go home, but this also mean that I'd essentially be escorting Gina to her date with George. That hadn't been my plan. Most of what we talked about at the spa was her relationship with George, where I felt there was too much over sharing for my comfort. Also, leaving the spa, Gina very suggestively took off her panties declaring that she didn't really need them, and put them in her purse. Her attitude was upbeat and playful as always, but to me it felt like she was flaunting getting ready to have sex with George and that made me really uncomfortable.

After this development I spoke to George about needing more boundaries. I told him that I felt like the circumstances under which we kept getting together was forming a primary couple/unicorn dynamic, and that was really upsetting me. I was dating him, not them. I needed a break from the "all of us" dynamic until we were more established. He said he understood and would respect my wishes.

Shortly after an issue arose between George and Gina. Gina was the one to text me telling me about it (I almost felt blamed) and I really started to build walls instead of boundaries at this point because it felt inappropriate. I told George as much.

A few days later Gina texted me to apologize and told me that she didn't want me to feel like a third wheel or like a unicorn. But then she followed up saying that she wasn't opposed to it if it happened naturally and organically. I don't think I was harsh in my response, but I was firm, and I told her essentially what I'd told George. That being involved in a triad relationship, especially as a unicorn of sorts, was something I have never wanted, especially not for the primary relationship in my life. (My hierarchy is descriptive. Not prescriptive. Just noting.) I also told her, as I'd told George, that I was feeling enmeshed by the whole "all of us" dynamic. That my relationship with George was too young and that the blurring of lines was troubling to me. I wanted space to let our relationship develop in its own right.

Now for the fun part...

So Friday night is the one night that George and I both work at the bar together. We have gone home together every Friday night of our relationship.

Not six days after the conversation about feeling enmeshed in a triad dynamic I didn't want, and/or feeling uncomfortable with always being in a position to watch them go home together, George told me Gina was going to come by the bar Friday night and going home with him.

I won't mince words. I lost my shit. I told him that I felt very disappointed and like my boundaries were being completely ignored. This was different than any other time we'd been together because I would be at work. I would have no choice. I would be in a position where I would be forced to interact with Gina (serve her, really) and then forced to witness them, once again, going home together while I was left alone. And on a night that we'd started to call "ours" no less? I was furious.

He immediately apologized. He said I was right and really he'd meant to ask me first but forgot (he needs to stop forgetting things, but granted, first time as a hinge). He said that he would reschedule with Gina.

At first I felt bad about the reschedule. I didn't want him to break their date, I just didn't see why it had to start at the bar on a night where I worked? Why could they meet somewhere when he got off? Why couldn't they meet at his place? The overlap with me involved didn't seem necessary, that was it.

But then I found that they had a scheduled trip for the following weekend (this weekend) and that she'd been planning to come by the bar to wait for him. I also found out that she'd been the one to have the idea of coming by the bar, and asked him to ask me if it was okay. Right after she and I had spoken specifically about my needing less overlap and more boundaries.

I started to feel like her wanting to get to know me, wanting to do things with "all of us", and even the attraction between us was al just a means to an end. I started to feel like the primary couple/unicorn dynamic wasn't forming coincidentally or accidentally. I hate the way that sounds. But if it had gone to plan, it would have meant that I would not only be losing my secure night with George twice in a row, but that each time I would have had to interact with her first and watch them leave together. The EXACT dynamic I'd complained of. It feels manipulative to me.

The compromise George and I reached is that Gina would pick him up outside of work when he got off, which was more than fine with me. I was careful to tell him to have a good time and show that in no way do I object to him going or want to derail their plans together. I hope that was clear.

My concerns are two, and these I turn to the group if you will:

1 - How do I continue to address this going forward without it coming between George and I? I'm concerned that if I appear to be jealous or negative toward Gina (if I don't already appear that way) it will drive a wedge between us. But I also worry that I'm being provoked to have a dramatic reaction for exactly that purpose. I don't want to believe that Gina would be malicious, but George did tell me that she struggled with jealousy when we started dating because his availability was significantly impacted. I can't help but wonder if the whole idea behind pushing for a triad was a way of trying to avoid losing time with George in the first place.

2 - What are your thoughts? Am I being paranoid/territorial here, or could there be some other agenda here? And either way, how do I work this out with my metamour. I don't want things to remain in their current state. I can see the toll it's taking on George. I can see the shift. How happy he was when we were all getting along vs. now that he's almost torn between us. I do want to get along with Gina. But I also want to do so in a way that is true to my personal boundaries, and in a way where I'm not being (or feeling) manipulated into turning my relationship into "our" relationship.
 
I just want to note, also, that my original post was too long and after editing some details might not make complete sense? If there are any questions, let me know.
 
Is this guy really worth all the hassle, less than three months in? Just let him go, clingy meta and all. You can do better. You can find someone who respects your space and your needs in a relationship.
 
And either way, how do I work this out with my metamour.
Don't. You're not in a relationship with her, so work it out with George. It's his first time as a hinge, but that doesn't mean he gets to shrug off all the work onto you.

Tell him what your needs are in your relationship, and let him either deliver it or admit that he doesn't want to. Don't let him deflect the blame onto Gina; she might ask for or suggest certain things, but he has the ability to say "no" if it's important to him. If he doesn't make the effort that tells you a lot about where his priorities lie.
 
It sounds like George canceled a standing date with you in order to spend a night with Gina? If that's the case, that alone would be cause for you to feel angry and hurt, in my opinion.

It also sounds like George needs to work on his skills as a hinge, particularly when it comes to respecting and maintaining boundaries. For that matter, it sounds like Gina doesn't respect boundaries either, or at least isn't doing well at respecting yours.

I think it is perfectly reasonable for you to want to keep a separation between you and your metamour under the circumstances. It seems like there could be a risk of it coming between you and George, but you have the right to assert your boundaries, and to ask that they be respected. It's unfortunate that George seems to be caught in the middle, but in reality, that's kind of what a hinge is. He is in the middle of you and Gina. That doesn't mean he should feel caught in the middle of a *conflict*, but having a situation where the hinge is the one to deal with issues with each partner is valid. It doesn't sound like he's dealing with the situation; it sounds like he's going along with what Gina wants, and not being respectful of the boundaries you've set.

I hope others are able to give you some ideas of how this can work. Personally, no matter how much I cared about a partner, I wouldn't stay in a relationship where that partner doesn't seem willing to observe boundaries.
 
Hi BelleRose,

It sounds like George and Gina want kitchen table poly ... but you would probably be better off with parallel poly. In other words, it would be best if you didn't have to be around Gina at all, or at least as little as possible. This way Gina would not have the opportunity to grate on your nerves. As it is she is being somewhat territorial, although perhaps subconsciously. Regardless of her motivations, the upshot is that you feel stressed and harried. This is not good for you. Something needs to change.

Have a conversation with George about this. You shouldn't need to have the conversation with Gina. She is not the hinge.

I sympathize about the strain this has put you through.
Sincerely,
Kevin T.
 
Hi, BelleRose. I remember your situation from your first OP. It seems the situation has gone downhill fast.

I've been in a similar situation, though not the same. In my case, I am the hinge in a "V" between Jester (M) and Boho (F). These two used to have a FWB relationship, but broke it off when Jester and I started dating. A year later, I began a separate relationship with Boho... however, she soon made it clear she wanted a triad type situation. Jester didn't seem especially interested in a triad, but nevertheless was willing if I was. And being the hinge, I tried to accommodate both partner's wishes at first, though it didn't feel right to me.

We went so far as to try this dynamic out in person when away on a trip together (my relationships are LDR)... and it wasn't until they both saw how uncomfortable and distressed being with the both of them simultaneously made me feel, did Boho back off from her requests/demands and just let the two relationships co-exist side by side.

In Boho's case, I now realise that it was her fear of being left out and side-lined... that caused her to push for a more meaningful part in Jester's and my relationship. She is really invested in the idea of Kitchen Table Poly, as family-style intimacy is important to her. It took a lot of back-and-forth discussion, argument and tears before she could accept that we three could have a friendship and some degree of KTP, without all having to be sexually involved as well.

In your case, YOU do not have either a personal/sexual relationship with your meta, Gina, NOR a basis of long-standing platonic friendship upon which to build a KTP-style relationship. Your meta AND boyfriend are trying to rush you into a relationship style you're just not ready for.

Complicating this is the fact that you and your boyfriend WORK together (not sure about meta?), which means your workplace often becomes a defacto meeting-place and pick-up/drop-off point - forcing you to witness interactions you'd rather not.

Additionally, your meta is starting to intrude into not only your SPACE but also your TIME by suggesting changes of plans and inclusion in events that are, or were supposed to be, "you and bf ONLY" dates.

Although Gina may be the catalyst for your current dilemma, Emm is right when she says it's really up to you to sort this out with GEORGE. HE is the one YOU are in a relationship with, and as the hinge, only he can negotiate agreements with Gina.

So THINK hard about what you truly are/aren't willing to participate in and compromise on... and draw boundaries that reflect your own wants and needs. Then TALK to him directly, being very clear about what's non-negotiable and what you'd be willing to discuss.
 
It really hard to tell from your OP whether she is manipulative or one of those extreme kitchen poly people. And it doesn't really matter. You have your boundaries and they need to respect that or you leave.

I'm assuming you and George work together? That makes it tough, especially a bar situation.

George doesn't seem like a great hinge. It sucks that you have to train him. Cancelling a regular night like that is a huge no for me. Maybe you two should establish a more concrete schedule.
 
It sounds like George and Gina want kitchen table poly
I disagree. Maybe it's in the telling, but it sounds like Gina wants to be Queen Bee &/or that George is a lazy schmuck who wants to have two women but not expend any effort to be an adult.

KTP is a neat little ideal; I know I first floated the concept ~30 years ago, describing how day-to-day life on a family farm mostly took place in the kitchen. When I'm at a party, it's common that the liveliest conversations (& often most of the guests) are in the kitchen.

But KTP often betrays sloppy/lazy Monogamist thinking where they assume everyone sits down together & pretends they're somehow interchangeably equal, & things magically work out from everyone being buddies. We called this One Big Brainwashed Family. :D
________________

First: It'll probably be beneficial to back away from the "my bar family" thing. Maybe get a job that's a job, & have friends that are friends, & step back from intentionally blurring the lines. And everyone ought to stop hanging out there when not actually working.
but forgot (he needs to stop forgetting things, but granted, first time as a hinge).
I hope that's the last time you make an excuse for him. How many "forgets" does he get as a bartender before he gets fired?

Twenty-two months ago, I told you
you mentioned that he ignores your boundaries -- & you make excuses for this behavior
Why has his behavior not improved? Why are you tolerating it? still making excuses? trying to blame his misbehavior on others? blaming yourself for not liking it?

More likely that he's prioritizing, & you aren't worth the same degree of consideration. Like "no drama" (very popular with drama queens :rolleyes:), saying "I'm non-hierarchal" is often a dodge, a way of preventing discussion of clearly hierarchal behavior. (At best, it's a good intention, which of course pave the path to Hell.)
I hope that was clear.
No -- if it's actually polyamory you're after, then obviously YOU ASKED if you'd made yourself clear. And HE AGREED that you'd made yourself clear -- better still, he repeated back to you his understanding of what he thought he'd just heard, so that you could be certain there was no room for "misunderstand" or "forget."
I was careful to tell him to have a good time and show that in no way do I object to him going or want to derail their plans together.
That's oversell, & tends to come across as insincere. What is it about you that cannot be taken at face value that you feel a need for such emphasis?

Your word choice concerns me. When Annie was heading off to a date, I didn't "support" her since I assumed she was already looking forward to it -- & certainly didn't need my endorsement. I might clarify plans for later or for the next day (for instance, I wasn't going to have a bunch of friends over for wine if Annie intended to be asleep in her own bed by 10 pm, but had more leeway if she was staying out late or overnight).

Though she & I are both hotheads, I cannot imagine ever saying "I was careful to tell her" something. Its use implies that something is off-kilter; it's a term I'd use when speaking about someone fundamentally unreliable.
Am I being paranoid/territorial here, or could there be some other agenda here?
That binary choice betrays a fundamental problem in this saga. Namely, the need to root out evil intent. Much more likely that there is at least one possible truth (maybe multiple) between those extremes.

Please bear with me a moment; considering that this has been staggering for two years, I must make myself clear.

To me, it sounds like the bunch of you are kinda well-intentioned airheads. In my experience, there's not much room for in-the-moment "do what feels good" nonsense when anyone (much less everyone) expects that the interaction is going to continue ANY LONGER than in the moment.

If I was concerned that one of my partners had someone -- lover, friend, sibling, child -- who was actively & selfishly dragging them down, I said so & didn't give a damn if it might get miscalled "jealousy." And if I felt a meta was actively trying to undercut my relationship (badmouthing me to her & others, encouraging her to "forget" a date with me or blow off an obligation like work), I stated my concerns, & owned them, & screw the "smile the doubt away" bullshit.

This is the latest installment in a tempestuous vee that's been around two years. What have YOU done to fix it? How has that failed? Are you ready to accept that this might be how the mess contiues to wobble along for many more years ahead?

You have spent much time SPEAKING AT George (& Gina as well). Not so much have you spoken WITH him, had an actual conversation where you had confidence that you had heard what was meant to be said AND that what you'd meant to say had been comprehended.
I can see the toll it's taking on George. I can see the shift. How happy he was when we were all getting along vs. now that he's almost torn between us.
If he insists on keeping his head up his butt much longer, he's going to suffocate. I don't see how that is YOUR fault.

Anyone who assumes they can cram people together & make them Best Buddies is a fool.

Two years in, the two of you communicate poorly (though noisily). If all three of you don't commit MUY DAMN PRONTO to fixing that -- as in actually working at it constantly, not merely making pleasant lah-de-dah lies about "getting around to it" -- then you'll be much happier if you give up, right this moment.

If you continue doing the same stuff, you're going to continue getting the same results... at best.

Your next excuse is probably going to be something about "how awkward that would be at the bar." If so, how exactly is the present situation NOT awkward? How awkward will it be if your lousy dynamic with Gina results in you totally losing your shit & screaming in the middle of the evening? Will it be any less awkward if it's George that loses his shit?
 
I am confused. My understanding is that we’re talking about a relationship that is 2 1/2 months old, not two years.
 
I am confused. My understanding is that we’re talking about a relationship that is 2 1/2 months old, not two years.

Me too. However,

I've been with my bf, George, for 2 1/2 months now, officially, though we dated on and off for a year or so before making it a "thing". George has several other partners where the relationships take on more of a friends-with-benefits nature, and one other girlfriend, Gina, with whom he has been with for a year and a half.
 
Me too. However,

Right, BelleRose said that this relationship has been building for about a year, but Ravenscroft quoted a comment that he had made to BelleRose 22 months ago, which I can only assume must have been about a different relationship?
 
Right, BelleRose said that this relationship has been building for about a year, but Ravenscroft quoted a comment that he had made to BelleRose 22 months ago, which I can only assume must have been about a different relationship?


Yeah i saw that too. Who the fuck knows.... people are always saying one thing one minute and another the next around here, it seems like.
 
That isn't the same person or situation.

The timeline I provided in this threat is accurate. This thread is being conflated with an old one from an unrelated relationship with different people.
 
That isn't the same person or situation.

The timeline I provided in this threat is accurate. This thread is being conflated with an old one from an unrelated relationship with different people.

Thank you for clarifying. That’s what I figured. :)

You do seem to have some common themes going on in these relationships. Did you have any relationships in-between that you can draw from to avoid this in the future? Some folks have rules for themselves (such as not dating anyone without a certain level of poly experience) to avoid finding themselves in the same situation.

Frankly, I would start fresh. You have been clear with your boundaries and they are still being stepped on. I would recommend that you be vigilant about examining a person’s entire situation before becoming involved with them, and be more careful about guys who have needy girlfriends/wives. It is interesting that you avoided meeting your metamour “too soon” — in your shoes I would actually want to meet any primary-type partners early on so that (if they exist) these boundary-pushing issues get out on the table before I am too attached.

(Sorry for the double-post — I tried to edit my previous message and somehow a new reply was generated instead.)
 
My partner and I have been together for almost 8 years (hm... guess it's time to update the .sig), and his other nesting relationship started around the same time. I had similar issues with this meta (Xena in my blog, if you want to go back that far).

Things that I took away from that experience:

Bending over backwards to try to be friends / close with her in the beginning just made things worse when I asserted my need for space later on. Her expectations (and there has been a pattern of this with later metas as well) were for very close "kitchen table" poly at the LEAST, and for maybe a BFF/sister/romantic relationship to bloom as well.

I had to be EXTREMELY blunt with her after a while. She got her feelings hurt. Our mutual partner was in the middle for a while. BUT after this happened to her a couple times (not just with me), she's now dealing with this with a therapist as well, which has been helping. Now, we're at the point where it's nice to see each other at family get-togethers, but that's pretty much all the interaction we have, other than sporadic social media stuff. I'm good with that, and really don't want more after having dealt with all the ups and downs with this a few years ago. I've heard that she's grown to accept that as well, although that's not my primary concern.

Sucks to have to be cold about it, but that's where I'm at. I don't owe her a relationship.

And neither do you.

It'll probably realistically take multiple conversations with your partner to convey that "together time" is intrusive on your time with him. There'll probably be a need to clarify what circumstances are ok and which aren't (if there are any "ok" circumstances at all). It's all part of the communication process, so it most likely won't be "one and done."

If she talks with you directly, then you'll probably need to be frank with her. Every. Single. Time. When I gave an inch, my meta gradually went for that mile, so I had to shut her down completely. Again, it sucks feeling like you're being an ass, but I eventually HAD to, because the message wasn't getting through.

Time for your meta to learn to manage her expectations. It won't be easy. Vent if you need to. Blog threads are great for that. ;)
 
It doesn't sound to me like this has reached the point where this relationship is doomed and you should give up, but it definitely sounds like more boundary conversations are needed. Especially since he is a new hinge and is probably figuring things out (this is assuming that you're willing to be patient while he learns, which you certainly don't have to be).

One thing that might be helpful when discussing things is to frame it so that things are less about boundaries with GINA specifically, and more like boundaries with ANY meta that you would have.

i.e. can we please agree that neither of us will ever have other partners come to the bar while we're BOTH working, as that is too much overlap between the relationships and also too much overlap between work and personal life.

i.e. If any partner of yours expresses an interest in forming some sort of triad relationship with me involved, I'm letting you know now that I'm not at all interested in that, so unless I bring it up myself, I would prefer that you explicitly conveyed to them that a triad isn't an option rather than you being ambiguous and leaving that possibility open to them thinking that it might happen.

and if you need to express any boundaries directly to a meta (if you have any sort of dynamic with them) then you can do that too.

but basically, I think framing things in a way that shows "this is how I would conduct any poly relationship" makes it feel less like a personal attack. Of course, if any of those boundaries are specifically because of that meta, then that's fine too. Sometimes you like someone as a person and sometimes you don't. Boundaries ARE allowed to vary from person to person. But it can be important to understand which ones are person specific and which ones aren't when discussing your boundaries with a partner.
 
Thanks, everyone. This has been really helpful for me.

I spoke to George and we're on the same page now.

First - I clarified a lot of confusion. Because I initiated both a group interaction and a one-on-one interaction with Gina, it wasn't clear to him that I wasn't interested in kitchen-table-poly, let alone opposed. To be fair, I didn't know that I was opposed either until the experience taught me. And even now I'm feeling a little shaky about it because in a different situation I could see myself being more open to interacting with a metamour. This situation, I'm afraid, did become personal, especially once the word unicorn was dropped and I felt that the significance of my relationship with George was being undermined by a would-be Queen Bee, and while my reaction was a bit severe my feelings on that matter haven't changed. George is now aware that I do not want more interaction with Gina than necessary and has respected it since we talked. I also asked him what level of involvement he prefers to have with metamours (as I'm seeing other people, just no one I consider serious just yet) and he actually doesn't need any interaction if it isn't necessary, he just wants to know about them. That works PERFECTLY for me. Parallel poly it is, at least for the two of us.

Second - We have started to make agreements that are a little more formal. In the beginning he was my only partner, and we planned very casually. Nothing more than a week out, often the day before getting together. Sometimes even the day of (with the exception of Friday nights, but even then that was just always assumed, never explicitly talked about). At this point, now that I'm dating other people he can no longer assume my availability if he doesn't have another date, and last week, between other people, my work (not bartending, that's a moonlight thing, I'm an artist) and friends, we only saw each other once. We've discussed figuring out a way to have protected time.

I've thought of designated days, but that feels a bit rigid to me. We usually spend Friday night into Sat together, and that's fine. Sat night he works and I don't so it's not like I can never have a Sat date with someone else, and Fri he starts work pretty late so it's not like he can never have a Fri date if it's early. I think that's fair. So I'm thinking maybe we can just agree to plan our weeks in advance going forward. Maybe even on Sunday since we both sort of use that day to detox, yoga, meditate, and relax separately, usually touching base later in the evening. That's what we did this week and so far so good. We know we have our quality time coming up and no one feels shut down by trying to make a last minute plan only to discover there's another lover in that time slot already. Also, (and this is just me turning over ideas at this point), I think if we were to designate a day or two to ensure quality time, it would eventually need to be broken. Exceptions would require it. Birthdays, events, vacations, etc. Those exceptions would ultimately feel like a broken date, because one of us would be literally choosing to do something with another partner instead. Planning a bit more in advance is probably better than locking in specific days of the week on an ongoing basis.

Third - As for Gina, we haven't had contact since the back to back Friday incidents. I do feel a little bit bad about that, and a little bit guilty, but after reading what so many of you have said I'm convinced this is just the people pleaser in me not feeling entirely comfortable with having asserted a boundary. I feel almost like that pushover sort of parent that punishes a child rightfully, let's say by saying no video games for a week, but then returns video game privileges after a day or two because they can't stand the idea of the child being upset. I also feel badly because when George and I discussed my assertion of boundaries being confusing after I appeared to have wanted interaction, I got the feeling that he didn't just mean it was confusing for him, and I know that Gina was pretty upset when I reacted unfavorably to her coming to the bar on a night we were both on. Truth be told I still think the behavior was territorial and sort of power-play like, and that the negative emotions surrounding my reaction have less to do with feeling personally rejected by me, and more to do with George supporting my boundaries as opposed to making some kind of choice that would have prioritized her over me. I've wanted to reach out to her a couple of times to clear the air, but the truth is that I'm very happy with the parallel poly that's been established by my boundaries, and while I don't have a negative opinion about her as a person (I don't know her that well, after all), I do feel - as the millennials say - a "certain type of way" about how things played out and what that says about her respect for me and my relationship with George. The only thing really bothering me is that idea of someone being upset with me, and I think I may just need to get over that.
 
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Well done! Sounds like everything went as you had hoped!

You are right; you are feeling "guilty" about Gina for no reason. You have done nothing wrong. Just continue being respectful to their relationship, but firm with your boundaries.
 
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