BathedInSalt
New member
I think it might be helpful to have a public space to talk-think my situation.
So, here it goes and after much reading of your stories, other sites, talking to poly friends, and listening to podcasts I'm fairly certain I've made about million mistakes so far.
I'm 35, found my first grey hair two days ago. I have three girls under 8 years old. I had a career in Veterinary Medicine but currently nanny in my home for a dear friend. I've been married for 7 years this July to a man (31) who seems thus far to be maybe bi and probably mono.
A month ago I found myself with some serious feelings for another man. Let's call him J. These strong feelings led me to reflect on my past relationships, that reflection led me to identify as poly.
I've had a few conversations with my husband (D) that went as well as they possibly could I think. We both communicate well, could be better, but well enough to feel solid.
My longtime friend who is familiar with poly and kink and the whole world (she's brilliant) when hearing my conclusion was like "I thought you already knew that about yourself" .
So my BIG mistake is that what has already transpired between J and I might be considered an affair by D.
My other perceived mistake is that I came into poly with a third already in mind. That clearly is very risky and my friend described it as an intro penalty, meaning that a relationship with J will probably never happen. I understand it, but I dread the day I have to feel the heartache that's headed my way.
What I'm doing right though is: moving at the slowest members pace, researching researching researching, enjoying my new found feelings, enjoying not feeling guilty for having feelings, feeling relief like I can breathe easier, learning about myself, learning about my partner, having amazing sex with D as a result of deepening our bonds from all the discussion we've already had and if I'm being honest I found it super hot that D let me have coffee with J yesterday knowing what he knows, using the anxiety of the situation to fuel me creatively, and in general allowing myself to feel happy
I have fear, I hope to grow, I hope to bond more with D, I hope to be happy. I hope you'll help me by asking thoughtful questions! (please and thank you)
I hope to learn things about your journey and that you'll learn something from mine.
So, here it goes and after much reading of your stories, other sites, talking to poly friends, and listening to podcasts I'm fairly certain I've made about million mistakes so far.
I'm 35, found my first grey hair two days ago. I have three girls under 8 years old. I had a career in Veterinary Medicine but currently nanny in my home for a dear friend. I've been married for 7 years this July to a man (31) who seems thus far to be maybe bi and probably mono.
A month ago I found myself with some serious feelings for another man. Let's call him J. These strong feelings led me to reflect on my past relationships, that reflection led me to identify as poly.
I've had a few conversations with my husband (D) that went as well as they possibly could I think. We both communicate well, could be better, but well enough to feel solid.
My longtime friend who is familiar with poly and kink and the whole world (she's brilliant) when hearing my conclusion was like "I thought you already knew that about yourself" .
So my BIG mistake is that what has already transpired between J and I might be considered an affair by D.
My other perceived mistake is that I came into poly with a third already in mind. That clearly is very risky and my friend described it as an intro penalty, meaning that a relationship with J will probably never happen. I understand it, but I dread the day I have to feel the heartache that's headed my way.
What I'm doing right though is: moving at the slowest members pace, researching researching researching, enjoying my new found feelings, enjoying not feeling guilty for having feelings, feeling relief like I can breathe easier, learning about myself, learning about my partner, having amazing sex with D as a result of deepening our bonds from all the discussion we've already had and if I'm being honest I found it super hot that D let me have coffee with J yesterday knowing what he knows, using the anxiety of the situation to fuel me creatively, and in general allowing myself to feel happy
I have fear, I hope to grow, I hope to bond more with D, I hope to be happy. I hope you'll help me by asking thoughtful questions! (please and thank you)
I hope to learn things about your journey and that you'll learn something from mine.