Sageflutterby
Member
Like I don't want the relationship to end but I felt I needed to step back.
I took the advice of the forum and tried to meet our shared partner and go out for our visitation. I was going to take us to a park so we could stargaze and then walk and drop him off at home.
When she heard he was walking with me, she peeled out of the driveway in anger, which he told me about. He said his other partner was comparing herself to me and feeling disgust when he answered her question about loving us equally because she asked him if he loved her more.
Hearing that made me concerned and I stepped back. Not because I wanted to end the relationship but because he was indecisive and felt he couldn't ethically make a choice. So I tried to support his desire to focus on the marriage by asking for my house key back and ending the relationship.
I found out later from him that my metamour, when she left the house for her drive was battling the urge to find a hill to drive the vehicle off and suicide.
I have been oddly calm since the break up but now find myself randomly crying. I have offered friendship and as the relationship was over, sent her a supportive email (my mother committed suicide when I was in my teens and I know how it feels to be processing that 21 years later) and I asked her to please consider her value to her partner and her merits all on her own, and explained from the perspective of a child how it feels to grow up after a parental suicide and how we internalize things.
There's a part of me hoping things will pull through, that she will work through her insecurities. I didn't stop loving our hinge and I don't know what to do with this attachment. I sent him an apologetic email and offered friendship and emotional support because I realized after I broke it off that I might have abandoned him in a time when he needed support.
But I'm struggling against conflicting urges of wishing things were different, of hurting and not knowing what to do with myself. I alternate between sleeping and leaving for work early and crying in the shower. Logically, I know this is not about me but I'm still hurting and I can't make it stop.
So I thought I would just write things out and thank the forum for their suggestions. I just needed to write out some feelings.
I took the advice of the forum and tried to meet our shared partner and go out for our visitation. I was going to take us to a park so we could stargaze and then walk and drop him off at home.
When she heard he was walking with me, she peeled out of the driveway in anger, which he told me about. He said his other partner was comparing herself to me and feeling disgust when he answered her question about loving us equally because she asked him if he loved her more.
Hearing that made me concerned and I stepped back. Not because I wanted to end the relationship but because he was indecisive and felt he couldn't ethically make a choice. So I tried to support his desire to focus on the marriage by asking for my house key back and ending the relationship.
I found out later from him that my metamour, when she left the house for her drive was battling the urge to find a hill to drive the vehicle off and suicide.
I have been oddly calm since the break up but now find myself randomly crying. I have offered friendship and as the relationship was over, sent her a supportive email (my mother committed suicide when I was in my teens and I know how it feels to be processing that 21 years later) and I asked her to please consider her value to her partner and her merits all on her own, and explained from the perspective of a child how it feels to grow up after a parental suicide and how we internalize things.
There's a part of me hoping things will pull through, that she will work through her insecurities. I didn't stop loving our hinge and I don't know what to do with this attachment. I sent him an apologetic email and offered friendship and emotional support because I realized after I broke it off that I might have abandoned him in a time when he needed support.
But I'm struggling against conflicting urges of wishing things were different, of hurting and not knowing what to do with myself. I alternate between sleeping and leaving for work early and crying in the shower. Logically, I know this is not about me but I'm still hurting and I can't make it stop.
So I thought I would just write things out and thank the forum for their suggestions. I just needed to write out some feelings.