I really don't want him in a depression or to feel worthless. He is most definitely jealous. It scares him too because he says he had never felt jealousy in his life before me.
Those are his feelings to manage. I get where you don't want him to feel upsetting emotions, but in the end? He copes with his feelings. You cannot do his emotional management
for him.
I think if you leave all the feelings out of it? Then it sounds like it boils down to you having some interests that you want to share with a partner. (Kink, hiking, etc)
BF's not the partner to share that stuff with. Which is fine, he doesn't have to be into everything you are. You could date someone else who likes those things. You actually have a guy in mind you want to pursue.
BF seems ok with the Closed "V" -- but he doesn't want it to be "Open network" where you date others.
So the options you have control over are still....
- You try to renegotiate agreements with BF and he accepts so you can move on to date others.
- You break up with BF (even though you don't want to) in order to be free of these old agreements so you can pursue without cheating on agreements.
- You do not pursue. You stay with BF. Agreements stay the same. You live with the status quo even though it's not fulfilling and you already feel resentments.
Other than reading
http://www.kathylabriola.com/articl...nster-managing-jealousy-in-open-relationships
together and asking him if he's willing to change core beliefs I don't see what else you can do but be honest. He seems to believe he's not enough for you. Well, basically he isn't.
I want to keep meeting new people. Men and women. Sex could be a possibility but not necessary.
If you want to keep meeting new people, he cannot turn himself into a variety of new people. He can be great and wonderful, but he is ONE person. Limit of the Universe. He can only be one person, he cannot turn himself into lots.
I'm sorry. It's a tough spot to be in.
I think when you talk to him you could be as up front and honest as possible. Don't NOT speak your truth because you worry about his coping ability. Let his coping with his feelings be his job. You telling him where you are at? That is your job. He's not a mind reader.
If you feel resentful and want to pursue? You no longer can keep the agreement? Be fair. Tell him you can no longer keep that Closed agreement. You would like opportunity to renegotiate agreements. If he is not willing to renegotiate? Then tell him you wish to be released from the agreement and are letting it go. That's the respectful thing to do.
Hopefully he can see that you are treating him well, you are NOT cheating on him, and you are not abusing him. You simply are stating where you are at and trying to work things out with him.
What the outcome is remains to be seen, but you seem to be trying to go into it with good faith. You aren't trying to be mean or anything.
Galagirl