Poly after being cheated on...(long post)
Sorry this is a long post. If you get through my post please be honest. Thanks.
My husband and I married young (I was 21 and he was 28). Almost 5 years ago, my husband cheated on me 3 times. We worked through our problems and since that time, my husband remained faithful (at his insistence, we moved closer to his work, he brings me on his business trip, introduced me to people he know, etc. When he isn’t at work, he is at home…we basically are together when he isn’t at work. There are times when I try to get him to go out with some of his colleagues or his friends for drinks or even a game of soccer but he still comes straight home from work).
However, from the time I found out he cheated on me until now, something been nagging at me. When I found out my husband cheated, I wasn’t jealous. In fact, I realized I had NO problem with him sleeping with other women. It was the lying and going behind my back that deeply hurt me.
When we were patching up our relationship, I knew about open marriage and polygamy/polygyny. I point blank told him if he wanted to see other people, he should have spoken to me about it and we could have worked something out. I further told him that I wasn’t his mother but his wife. I didn't marry him to dictate what he should or shouldn't do about everything. What he does with his body is his business but he should understand there are consequences to his actions (I didn’t clarify what I met by this and I think he assumed I was leaning towards a divorce which never crossed my mind).
We briefly chatted some more (he told me about the women he slept with, etc.) We tried, very briefly, to have an open marriage (allowing him to find and be with other women) but we had no clue what the hell we were doing. He told me he didn’t want to lose me (he also said he didn't want me to be with other men) so that ended the conversation and we have remained monogamous.
Since that time we never spoken about open marriage or anything. He says he is happy with our marriage and we went on to have one child together (lately he’s been asking to have another child).
He has never pressured me into anything. I don’t believe he has or would ever cheat on me again. However, I never stopped researching about different relationships. I know being poly isn't perfect and has its pros and cons but I don’t want him to feel he has to be monogamous because he might lose me and our son through divorce.
The thing is I am not sure how to bring the subject up since he has never expressed the need or want to sleep with other women since his affairs (5 years ago). I am unsure if I should bring it up at all or just let it go.
Sorry this is a long post. If you get through my post please be honest. Thanks.
My husband and I married young (I was 21 and he was 28). Almost 5 years ago, my husband cheated on me 3 times. We worked through our problems and since that time, my husband remained faithful (at his insistence, we moved closer to his work, he brings me on his business trip, introduced me to people he know, etc. When he isn’t at work, he is at home…we basically are together when he isn’t at work. There are times when I try to get him to go out with some of his colleagues or his friends for drinks or even a game of soccer but he still comes straight home from work).
However, from the time I found out he cheated on me until now, something been nagging at me. When I found out my husband cheated, I wasn’t jealous. In fact, I realized I had NO problem with him sleeping with other women. It was the lying and going behind my back that deeply hurt me.
When we were patching up our relationship, I knew about open marriage and polygamy/polygyny. I point blank told him if he wanted to see other people, he should have spoken to me about it and we could have worked something out. I further told him that I wasn’t his mother but his wife. I didn't marry him to dictate what he should or shouldn't do about everything. What he does with his body is his business but he should understand there are consequences to his actions (I didn’t clarify what I met by this and I think he assumed I was leaning towards a divorce which never crossed my mind).
We briefly chatted some more (he told me about the women he slept with, etc.) We tried, very briefly, to have an open marriage (allowing him to find and be with other women) but we had no clue what the hell we were doing. He told me he didn’t want to lose me (he also said he didn't want me to be with other men) so that ended the conversation and we have remained monogamous.
Since that time we never spoken about open marriage or anything. He says he is happy with our marriage and we went on to have one child together (lately he’s been asking to have another child).
He has never pressured me into anything. I don’t believe he has or would ever cheat on me again. However, I never stopped researching about different relationships. I know being poly isn't perfect and has its pros and cons but I don’t want him to feel he has to be monogamous because he might lose me and our son through divorce.
The thing is I am not sure how to bring the subject up since he has never expressed the need or want to sleep with other women since his affairs (5 years ago). I am unsure if I should bring it up at all or just let it go.
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