Hi! I've put some context as to who me and my partner are in the introduction board.
So, I (bi F 42) would identify as a mono emotionally, possibly from society, but likely from personal baggage too as well as my inability to deal with loads of deep bonds/connections at once. Even with friends. I recently had a brain implosion (some would call it a depression or the latter was the consequence of the former, likely) because I knew too many people and too many of them were very important to me and I couldn't cope. But I would say that I'm cognitively/theoretically totally behind the open and/or poly relationship system, because it seems, in short, a more ethical and sustainable system. My brain is simply struggling with my heart. They don't speak the same language.
So far, I've been comfortable in monogamous relationships. I just knew they wouldn't last forever because... how can they? With one unique partner. Very unlikely. But because of my baggage, I also really struggle with terminating relationships and I need a very sustainable, long bond with at least one person in my life to keep me at peace (I don't either have this from friends -because I'm a nomad- or family -because... gah. Families. You don't always win that lottery).
My partner (bi M 41) is suspecting (and I strongly do too) that he might be poly. So after years and years of trying mono relationships with his partners and splitting up after 6 months or so, he's embarked onto a new one with me but this time, he really wants to make it last very long term (lucky me!). However he feels the issue of his constant discomfort may in part come from the fact that he might be poly. Very likely, indeed.
So, he's been on my planet long enough, and I think his planet looks pretty sensible, I'd like to try and make my brain the boss of my life rather than my heart and gently help my heart see the light and colours the poly world has to offer.
My question is (sorry it took so long to get there!):
Are there any mono people out here who succeeded at the change and who could help me and advise me on how to be happy in a poly system?
I'm reading books and websites and listening to poly podcasts as much as I can, I do have a poly friend too who has explained a lot of valuable things but all of youz that I'm listening to are poly and... I don't know how to translate stuff into my mono language so I can open up and adapt.
Thank you all for your welcome and kindness and excuse the noobie miswording and misjudgement, they come from good ol' ignorance.
So, I (bi F 42) would identify as a mono emotionally, possibly from society, but likely from personal baggage too as well as my inability to deal with loads of deep bonds/connections at once. Even with friends. I recently had a brain implosion (some would call it a depression or the latter was the consequence of the former, likely) because I knew too many people and too many of them were very important to me and I couldn't cope. But I would say that I'm cognitively/theoretically totally behind the open and/or poly relationship system, because it seems, in short, a more ethical and sustainable system. My brain is simply struggling with my heart. They don't speak the same language.
So far, I've been comfortable in monogamous relationships. I just knew they wouldn't last forever because... how can they? With one unique partner. Very unlikely. But because of my baggage, I also really struggle with terminating relationships and I need a very sustainable, long bond with at least one person in my life to keep me at peace (I don't either have this from friends -because I'm a nomad- or family -because... gah. Families. You don't always win that lottery).
My partner (bi M 41) is suspecting (and I strongly do too) that he might be poly. So after years and years of trying mono relationships with his partners and splitting up after 6 months or so, he's embarked onto a new one with me but this time, he really wants to make it last very long term (lucky me!). However he feels the issue of his constant discomfort may in part come from the fact that he might be poly. Very likely, indeed.
So, he's been on my planet long enough, and I think his planet looks pretty sensible, I'd like to try and make my brain the boss of my life rather than my heart and gently help my heart see the light and colours the poly world has to offer.
My question is (sorry it took so long to get there!):
Are there any mono people out here who succeeded at the change and who could help me and advise me on how to be happy in a poly system?
I'm reading books and websites and listening to poly podcasts as much as I can, I do have a poly friend too who has explained a lot of valuable things but all of youz that I'm listening to are poly and... I don't know how to translate stuff into my mono language so I can open up and adapt.
Thank you all for your welcome and kindness and excuse the noobie miswording and misjudgement, they come from good ol' ignorance.
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