UK Channel 4: The Great British Sex Survey

LondonGuy

New member
So apparently Channel 4 commissioned a massive survey of the country to find out what we're all like in bed. Then reported on the top 10 kinks we have in an effort to try to break down barriers and make everything more normalised and ok.

Then they brought in "experts" to talk about what gets people off regarding these various fetishes, why it gets them off, what the origins are... etc.

On the whole I approve. I mean I disapprove of the way they grouped massive umbrella terms like bondage into 1 fetish (when you have ropes, handcuffs, leather cuffs, belts, predicaments...) but mostly I approve.

However, number 3 on the list was threesomes. The self proclaimed "expert" on threesome etiquette gave her dos and don'ts;

1. If you're a couple don't pick up a random stranger - the third partner could be a nutcase and then you've got an American Psycho scene on your hands. Generally I agree but why should this logic be directed only at couples? Singles who meet strangers in bars and take them home for sex should be equally wary.

2. Set the ground rules - agree if there's anything you're not comfortable with. Again I agree in principle... but the way she describes it it's as though you are going to this third person for them to dispense fetishes at you; whatever happened to their enjoyment? Come to think of it if that's all you expect off this person pay for an escort.

3. Don't leave anyone out - Agree.

4. Don't hang around - You must NEVER EVER (her stress not mine) mistake threesomes for romance. Don't lie around in some sort of group hug. Nothing good can ever come of it.

So basically she's shaming polyamory there :mad: the self appointed expert, who has been brought in to normalise stuff is saying that nothing good can come of developing multiple romances.

I'm not suggesting that triads are the only way to do polyamory, nor am I suggesting that all threesomes should result in triads, I'm not even suggesting all threesomes where the sex is amazing and there's clearly a connection *should* develop into full group relationships... nor am I suggesting that all triads which form under the best of starting points will be successful.

I am saying that I've met many people in poly relationships, some of which are triads, which have lasted decades and in which all members of the relationship(s) are very happy. To be completely dismissive of that, as a self appointed expert is just outrageous.

The full program is here, skip to about 40 minutes for the threesome section.

http://www.channel4.com/programmes/the-great-british-sex-survey/on-demand/62256-001
 
Re:
"Don't hang around -- You must *never ever* mistake threesomes for romance. Don't lie around in some sort of group hug. Nothing good can ever come of it."

Well that stinks!
 
Re:
Well that stinks!

Yup.

In the cultural popular imagination, "love" is something which can only happen between two people, never three or four.

So sex may be allowed with others, but not connection and affection.

It not only stinks, it's both wrong (in the sense of incorrect) and stupid. And it is a mythology which contributes to much human suffering.
 
Yup.

In the cultural popular imagination, "love" is something which can only happen between two people, never three or four.

So sex may be allowed with others, but not connection and affection.

It not only stinks, it's both wrong (in the sense of incorrect) and stupid. And it is a mythology which contributes to much human suffering.

Welll, technically, it does happen between two people. It's just that more than one dyad is developing. But, yes, I'm nitpicking and you are basically correct.
 
I also cross posted this same thing on my fetlife to gauge peoples reactions there... mostly people on there seemed to think there was little wrong in what she was saying as it was mostly pitched to an audience where polyamory isn't even considered.

My argument was that it is shitty for a self appointed expert to be totally dismissive of people who find romance unexpectedly in that situation. Nothing good can ever come of it? Oh really? It may require you to question many of the social norms you've been brought up on and it might not be for everyone but if it works for everyone within your group then it could be the best thing that's ever happened to you!!

One of the other comments was that polyamory isn't the norm and it was being pitched mostly at monogamous couples who wanted a threesome to spice things up. My earlier argument applies that really you should pay for an escort if all you're looking for is for a fetish dispenser... but still...

50 years ago interracial relationships, homosexual relationships, femdom relationships would have all been dismissed in a similar way. "It won't work", "that's not right", "nothing good could ever come of it"... it's by standing up and calling bullshit on such comments that we broke down those barriers.
 
It's a shame that folks on Fetlife couldn't see what folks here could see.
 
Yup.

In the cultural popular imagination, "love" is something which can only happen between two people, never three or four.

I. Just. Don't. Get. This.

Why? What Disneyesque magic is at play between two people, but no other number combination? :confused:
 
This was from a while back, but it reminded me of something that I found very funny at the time.

An older man had been coming to the BDSM parties. He'd come on tastings night where we set up stations for people to try all sorts of things, and he'd run around naked just having a great time and doing all the stuff. He was like 70 if he was a day, this guy.

He tried many times to "chat me up" and I was nice, but never let it go anywhere.

One day he comes to a polyamory discussion group at the club, along with some makeup plastered 50-some year old woman in a leopard print skirt. Dyed blonde and all.

And the two of them are surrounded by polyfolk. There is a group of five people holding hands on the couch over there, and a triad over yonder, I'm there solo, but at the time I had 4 partners. Etc.

And he says, "I don't think I understand what you folks are talking about. I'm here because I would like more sex partners. My wife is across the country while I'm here a few months on work and I need people to have sex with while I'm away. But when I go back, that stops. You see, I'm HAPPILY MARRIED."

Everyone else in the room exchanges looks of amusement.

"So...you're a swinger."
"Does your wife know?"

And he says, "Of course not! Didn't you hear me? I'M HAPPILY MARRIED."

And he proceeded to 'splain to us how as a HAPPILY MARRIED man, he could only use other women for sex, not have feelings for them, because that was just crazy. You can't do that.

Now. Given the facts, that not only was the room full of POLYAMOROUS people, but also mostly BDSM folk, not swingers...can you even imagine? I got the sense that people were so torn between wanting to shout at him, and wanting to laugh at him, that finally we did neither and just ignored him so that we could continue with our discussions and stay on topic.

We try very hard to make everyone welcome at that club unless they are clearly violating the rules of the place, but no one shed a tear when he and his...date...left early.
 
Back
Top