Bunnielight
Member
Hi there from Bunnie.
Just in the short time I have been on here, I would like to say that I have felt very welcome. It's hard to find a community of poly supporters and this forum seems to be full of nothing but major support for alternative lifestyles such as this.
As stated in my introductory thread, my husband and I came to polyamory after quite a long term and progressive relationship. We've known each other for nearly a decade, been together 4 years and married for one. He is truly my best friend and I can go to him about pretty much anything.
However, while weve experienced some drama, I've found its done nothing but make us closer and stronger as a couple.
At the same time, there have been some insecurities that have come up which has taken some work and a great deal of communication to get through.
We've had a few prospective relationships come along, each of which have come with their own package of blockades and eventual deterioration of trust in some cases. This has caused some emotional distress to both of us because of previous trauma. But we've gotten through it. And we're stronger for it.
My husband's recent distress is over feelings of rejection. He fears not finding the connection he so desperately yearns for in order to fulfill the needs he has. He fears not being able to connect the way he's wanted to with the past 3 women he has had an interest in may reflect his overall ability to find his next mate.
While I've tried my best to make him feel loved and desired for all the right reasons, I know I can only do so much. His distress just really makes me want to love him more. He feels he may end up just "being a bystander" while I carry out relationships. And I truly don't believe that will happen. He's a pretty f***ing fantastic human being.
Meanwhile, over the past month or so I have been trying to come to terms with my own desires. One large one being coping with my bisexuality.
It's never been something I've allowed myself to come to terms with for various reasons, one of which being my one and only female love.
I fell in love with my best friend several years ago, and she died in a car accident two years ago last month. I was never able to fully disclose to her how I felt and our relationship ended on bad terms. This is a pain that has haunted me to the point of having trouble disclosing it to my husband.
I've learned not to beat myself up over our fight, she wouldn't want me to do that, but it's only because of my husband that I've even been able to admit my own sexuality: my lack of closure made me feel as though I could never find that again. I was also married and felt I had no reason to admit it to myself. It was after a bad mushroom trip and a breakdown just a few months ago (the only one my husband actually saw) that my husband sat me down and made me admit all that I was feeling. It's a major factor in why we decided to become poly. He knew us then. He saw the way she supported me and helped me become who I am. And he wants me to be able to move on from that.
Right now I've just been trying to enjoy my own solitude. Focus on bettering myself, reading, writing, learning, working, expressing. It's the only thing that can take my mind off of the pangs of loneliness some of this has given me. It's not like I really am alone. My husband is wonderful and highly supportive of each relationship that I have encountered, friendship or romantic. It's when he gets distressed that it causes those pangs. And I'm not sure what else I can really do about that.
(Been reading More Than Two; it's a great help)
Again, thank you all for your time, openness, and input. It is greatly appreciated.
Just in the short time I have been on here, I would like to say that I have felt very welcome. It's hard to find a community of poly supporters and this forum seems to be full of nothing but major support for alternative lifestyles such as this.
As stated in my introductory thread, my husband and I came to polyamory after quite a long term and progressive relationship. We've known each other for nearly a decade, been together 4 years and married for one. He is truly my best friend and I can go to him about pretty much anything.
However, while weve experienced some drama, I've found its done nothing but make us closer and stronger as a couple.
At the same time, there have been some insecurities that have come up which has taken some work and a great deal of communication to get through.
We've had a few prospective relationships come along, each of which have come with their own package of blockades and eventual deterioration of trust in some cases. This has caused some emotional distress to both of us because of previous trauma. But we've gotten through it. And we're stronger for it.
My husband's recent distress is over feelings of rejection. He fears not finding the connection he so desperately yearns for in order to fulfill the needs he has. He fears not being able to connect the way he's wanted to with the past 3 women he has had an interest in may reflect his overall ability to find his next mate.
While I've tried my best to make him feel loved and desired for all the right reasons, I know I can only do so much. His distress just really makes me want to love him more. He feels he may end up just "being a bystander" while I carry out relationships. And I truly don't believe that will happen. He's a pretty f***ing fantastic human being.
Meanwhile, over the past month or so I have been trying to come to terms with my own desires. One large one being coping with my bisexuality.
It's never been something I've allowed myself to come to terms with for various reasons, one of which being my one and only female love.
I fell in love with my best friend several years ago, and she died in a car accident two years ago last month. I was never able to fully disclose to her how I felt and our relationship ended on bad terms. This is a pain that has haunted me to the point of having trouble disclosing it to my husband.
I've learned not to beat myself up over our fight, she wouldn't want me to do that, but it's only because of my husband that I've even been able to admit my own sexuality: my lack of closure made me feel as though I could never find that again. I was also married and felt I had no reason to admit it to myself. It was after a bad mushroom trip and a breakdown just a few months ago (the only one my husband actually saw) that my husband sat me down and made me admit all that I was feeling. It's a major factor in why we decided to become poly. He knew us then. He saw the way she supported me and helped me become who I am. And he wants me to be able to move on from that.
Right now I've just been trying to enjoy my own solitude. Focus on bettering myself, reading, writing, learning, working, expressing. It's the only thing that can take my mind off of the pangs of loneliness some of this has given me. It's not like I really am alone. My husband is wonderful and highly supportive of each relationship that I have encountered, friendship or romantic. It's when he gets distressed that it causes those pangs. And I'm not sure what else I can really do about that.
(Been reading More Than Two; it's a great help)
Again, thank you all for your time, openness, and input. It is greatly appreciated.
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