I have noticed that several ex-members of different churches post regularly on this forum - me included. I would like to ask you: how was your leaving your church (or other religious group) linked to you being or becoming poly? Is there a correlation with these two things in your life?
For me these two things went really hand in hand. I was raised to be a strict Christian - the church is a relatively small one. As my belief in the teachings of the church collapsed, I started questioning every single thing in life. What do I personally think about this or about that? How can I know what is right and what is wrong? How am I ever able to trust anything people tell me to be true after I realized that my world had been based on a huge big lie?
My conclusion about all this was that there are a few good things in life, things that I value above everything else. Three most important things are love, freedom and honesty. With love I mean true love that values a person as a human being without trying to restrict that person. And freedom meaning the freedom to express one’s inner self and still be loved. About honesty the most important thing to me is to be honest to myself first - and then be honest in my communication with others. I do value honesty in other people, too, and only build close relationships with people who seem to be honest (one can never be 100% sure about another person).
I decided that I will never ever try to restrict anyone from being themselves and loving as they see fit for themselves. As well as I won’t allow anyone ever again to restrict me in that sense. And, dishonesty is a deal braker. I called my ideal “polyamory”, but now I know that it fits rather better under the label “relationship anarchy”. Kind of, anyway.
So that is how my poly life started. Had to build a new worldview and philosophy as the old one collapsed. And since I have been very committed to my philosophical ideals, the practical poly life has been relatively easy (at least compared to many tales on this forum).
In a strange way my strict Christian upbringing made it easy for me to pick up the poly philosophy. As I grew up, I learned to despise serial monogamy. At that time it was mostly because I was taught that you should not have sex before marriage and then stay together with your spouse the rest of your life. So I thought the sex with several people was the bad thing. After I realized that sex is not bad, then - why restrict it to only one person at a time? Also, serial monogamy often (not always) includes lies and other sorts of dishonesty.
For me these two things went really hand in hand. I was raised to be a strict Christian - the church is a relatively small one. As my belief in the teachings of the church collapsed, I started questioning every single thing in life. What do I personally think about this or about that? How can I know what is right and what is wrong? How am I ever able to trust anything people tell me to be true after I realized that my world had been based on a huge big lie?
My conclusion about all this was that there are a few good things in life, things that I value above everything else. Three most important things are love, freedom and honesty. With love I mean true love that values a person as a human being without trying to restrict that person. And freedom meaning the freedom to express one’s inner self and still be loved. About honesty the most important thing to me is to be honest to myself first - and then be honest in my communication with others. I do value honesty in other people, too, and only build close relationships with people who seem to be honest (one can never be 100% sure about another person).
I decided that I will never ever try to restrict anyone from being themselves and loving as they see fit for themselves. As well as I won’t allow anyone ever again to restrict me in that sense. And, dishonesty is a deal braker. I called my ideal “polyamory”, but now I know that it fits rather better under the label “relationship anarchy”. Kind of, anyway.
So that is how my poly life started. Had to build a new worldview and philosophy as the old one collapsed. And since I have been very committed to my philosophical ideals, the practical poly life has been relatively easy (at least compared to many tales on this forum).
In a strange way my strict Christian upbringing made it easy for me to pick up the poly philosophy. As I grew up, I learned to despise serial monogamy. At that time it was mostly because I was taught that you should not have sex before marriage and then stay together with your spouse the rest of your life. So I thought the sex with several people was the bad thing. After I realized that sex is not bad, then - why restrict it to only one person at a time? Also, serial monogamy often (not always) includes lies and other sorts of dishonesty.