Re (from Marcus):
I am thinking that what might be a drawback for one person, might not be a drawback for another person. This is why we have both RA and poly-fi, so that different people can avoid (for a price) different kinds of drawbacks. (Let me know if more explanation is needed.)
Re (from ArtemisHunt):
Well first off, I don't think we can 100% trust anyone, not even ourselves. (I could be wrong.) The idea behind having rules in place, at least in my case, is so that the odds are increased. If Snowbunny feels she can trust Brother-Husband 25% without rules, she may feel she can trust him 75% with rules. This seems to be the case. Either his behavior is influenced by the presence of the rules, or she feels like it's influenced, or both. Either way she seems to be significantly happier, which makes us two guys happier. (If I've explained this poorly let me know, I'm just kind of shooting from the hip.)
I used to be a piano teacher. One time, one of my adult students told me that, even though they might be able to learn to play without my guidance, they still valued my place in their life because knowing they'd have to answer to a teacher every week, motivated them to practice enough to learn at a decent rate. So in essence, they wanted to learn to play, but still might not learn to play without the shadow of a teacher (with the teacher's rules) active in their life. (Just another way I thought of to explain it).
"Fortunately though, the closer I get to living my authentic life, the fewer drawbacks I can identify."
I am thinking that what might be a drawback for one person, might not be a drawback for another person. This is why we have both RA and poly-fi, so that different people can avoid (for a price) different kinds of drawbacks. (Let me know if more explanation is needed.)
Re (from ArtemisHunt):
"If you think you can't trust your partner to behave right without rules in place, how can you trust them to follow rules? "
Well first off, I don't think we can 100% trust anyone, not even ourselves. (I could be wrong.) The idea behind having rules in place, at least in my case, is so that the odds are increased. If Snowbunny feels she can trust Brother-Husband 25% without rules, she may feel she can trust him 75% with rules. This seems to be the case. Either his behavior is influenced by the presence of the rules, or she feels like it's influenced, or both. Either way she seems to be significantly happier, which makes us two guys happier. (If I've explained this poorly let me know, I'm just kind of shooting from the hip.)
I used to be a piano teacher. One time, one of my adult students told me that, even though they might be able to learn to play without my guidance, they still valued my place in their life because knowing they'd have to answer to a teacher every week, motivated them to practice enough to learn at a decent rate. So in essence, they wanted to learn to play, but still might not learn to play without the shadow of a teacher (with the teacher's rules) active in their life. (Just another way I thought of to explain it).