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  #21  
Old 03-24-2010, 01:51 AM
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idealist idealist is offline
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Personal choices!!! I LOVE personal choices. And when they are made consciously with a self awareness…..what is more awesome than that???
Now, that said- it is true that the choices a person makes today about their sexuality are different from the choices they made 10 years ago and 10 years before that…….because- we are evolving (hopefully), each of us individually…..and as a culture…….
My sexual self-perspective has changed so many times throughout the years, but thankfully I have learned from my mistakes (wrong choices) and I am committed to as much awareness as I can achieve and the ability and willingness to make conscious choices daily!!!
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  #22  
Old 03-24-2010, 03:15 AM
lovebird13 lovebird13 is offline
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"Being sexually self-actualized is important, and once you've taken the time to understand yourself, your motivations, and your needs, there really isn't a whole lot limiting you but your own conscience."

The article seemed shallow and frivolous to me. Magazine writers need something to write about and because Lady Gaga said it, doesn't make it so. I feel irritated by reports of 'trends" of any kind because in the end, it's an individual choice who I screw, when screw, how much I screw and the only thing that matters is how I feel about myself before, during and after. And... now that I got that off my chest, I will say that my sexual liberation has done more for my whole person liberation than any other endeavor I've embarked upon including therapy, meditation, yoga, 12 steps, etc, etc.

Korindinos quote says it all.
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  #23  
Old 03-24-2010, 03:17 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
choice."
This is the message I zeroed in on. Individual, non-influenced, choice.

Too many people seem to get caught up on the need to act a certain way or think a certain way to feel a part of things or gain acceptance. Sometimes this is driven by key people who have figured things out for themselves and naturally assume that it is the way it should be for everyone; "Sam Malone" LOL! Often they attract a collection of people who may have the same ideas and sometimes that gets conveyed as a type of idol worship. Sometimes this makes people look ridiculous.

I don't even know if this is related LOL! Sorry Lilo
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  #24  
Old 03-24-2010, 09:44 PM
GroundedSpirit GroundedSpirit is offline
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Well - maybe I'm not "qualified" to have an opinion on this where I'm not female.

But if I did I would say this is nothing more that well disguised conservative, right-wing propaganda !

We kind of had a similar discussion (that never went real deep) regarding the whole gay acceptance issue.

Despite the fact that there were peaks in activism and public awareness that intimidated many people into putting on a face of "changing" their outlook, down deep - REALLY deep - little changed.

So although during the 60s and 70s there was a swell of female sexual liberation (and acceptance) on the surface, at the root little seems to have changed.

And the conservatives have never ceased in their efforts to undermine and discredit any concept that a woman should be able to screw anyone, anytime, any place with full celebration of their own fulfillment. And without guilt !

So be careful ladies. They are STILL out to slap the chains (and chastity belts) on you ! Or better yet - have you slap them on yourselves and BELIEVE it was your own choice !

GS
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  #25  
Old 03-24-2010, 10:40 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lovebird13 View Post
"Being sexually self-actualized is important, and once you've taken the time to understand yourself, your motivations, and your needs, there really isn't a whole lot limiting you but your own conscience."

The article seemed shallow and frivolous to me. Magazine writers need something to write about and because Lady Gaga said it, doesn't make it so. I feel irritated by reports of 'trends" of any kind because in the end, it's an individual choice who I screw, when screw, how much I screw and the only thing that matters is how I feel about myself before, during and after. And... now that I got that off my chest, I will say that my sexual liberation has done more for my whole person liberation than any other endeavor I've embarked upon including therapy, meditation, yoga, 12 steps, etc, etc.

Korindinos quote says it all.
I'm not sure I understand what you mean by frivolous. Aren't you saying what the article is saying?

Love the quote! I'm going to use that for sure. Thanks
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  #26  
Old 06-07-2010, 04:06 PM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
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Originally Posted by SchrodingersCat View Post
Doesn't that fall into the category of "fun" ?

Edit: But maybe you meant, sex is good exercise, and a lot more awesome than going to the gym?
Calories per hour, sexual fitness...exactly. Might as well kill two birds with one stone
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  #27  
Old 06-07-2010, 04:52 PM
DharmaBum23 DharmaBum23 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by redpepper View Post

For me its a matter of not fucking friends. End of story. There is far too much chance of damage and I would lose far too much of what I have gained in terms of self love and empowerment. Besides, there is so much to be gained by sticking with a few good lovers and really developing what it means to really make their toes curl and teaching and learning from them what make my toes curl.
I can't say that I have the same reasons, but I do feel the same way. I like to keep my "people that I have sex with" and my "people that I think of as 'friends' " separate. For me it's a sort of drama tolerance. If I am having sex with someone, I have a different level of tolerance for drama than if I am not. If I could potentially(or have in the past) have sex with most of my friends, then that means there would be a LOT of people who bug me at work because they need to recover a profile from Windows XP(yes, this happened before). If they are just friends and they ask for stuff like this I'll just tell them to call the "Geek Squad".


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But have you had an orgasm with a treadmill?
I haven't, but it isn't unheard of. They are called "coregasms". I do concede your point, though.
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  #28  
Old 06-09-2010, 07:56 AM
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SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
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How do you deal with that when you go into casual sex for the #1 reason, of being fun expressing yourself, and connecting without being used? I have seen this and had this happen to me time and time again! What does one do when one has GIVEN of themselves only to be tossed aside once they get off?
I think a lot of it has to do with your expectations heading into it. When I've had casual sex, I didn't expect anything beyond the encounter itself. It's the only time that I'm entirely selfish during sex, because I don't expect to get anything from them unless I "take" it (in a reciprocal, non-forceful, non-emotional way... struggled to figure how to say that without sounding like a rapist). But I never led them to believe there would be anything beyond that night.

So I guess the answer to that is, if you're having sex outside of an established romantic relationship, the safest way is to not "give" anything (emotionally). Heck, I wouldn't even "give" anything physically... e.g. I don't enjoy the act of giving blowjobs in and of itself, but I love giving them to my husband because I love him and love to do pleasurable things for him. But I would never give a blowjob in a casual setting, because there would be nothing in it for me. Whereas intercourse is "sharing" because we both get something out of it at the same time.

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For me its a matter of not fucking friends. End of story. There is far too much chance of damage and I would lose far too much of what I have gained in terms of self love and empowerment.
I can understand that and I won't question a decision like that in someone else's life.

I personally feel that any friendship which is strong enough to be worth protecting in the first place would be strong enough to survive a sexual encounter. But if you value the friendship, you definitely need to talk about it first. A LOT. Discuss what will happen if one person develops feelings from the encounter. Discuss whether the desire is strong enough to explore those feelings.

For me, when romantic feelings develop with someone I'm close to, the "friendship" is over one way or another. I can't just turn off those feelings and pretend to be satisfied with friendship. So if there's no possibility to develop it into romance, then I would probably have to pull away from the person and the friendship just to protect myself from the pain of seeing them and not being able to be with them.

I'm not a "something is better than nothing" kind of person. I want it all, or I want to get on with my life.
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  #29  
Old 06-09-2010, 12:23 PM
NeonKaos NeonKaos is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SchrodingersCat View Post
e.g. I don't enjoy the act of giving blowjobs in and of itself, but I love giving them to my husband because I love him and love to do pleasurable things for him. But I would never give a blowjob in a casual setting, because there would be nothing in it for me.
Interesting. I DO enjoy giving a blow-job for the sake of itself, and I've done it in a "casual setting" where I did not have an orgasm of my own body, and never thought of it as having "nothing in it for me". I get an endorphin high out of it which probably comes from the different layers of power-exchange... being on one's knees is a sort of submissive position, but I've got my teeth around someone else's genitals which is a somewhat dominant position... The juxtaposition of these positions is a huge turn-on. Plus, there are other things, such as really being able to experience someone else's orgasm that is not quite the same as when you're also focused on your own - this is one reason i'm not a big fan of sixty-nine.

But now, this is getting to the point where we might have to split some of the posts off into another thread, and I might need a cold shower.
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  #30  
Old 06-09-2010, 02:59 PM
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Thank you SC for your post. I appreciate your patience and non-judgmental response. I hesitate every time I post my feelings on casual sex as I fear that they will be met with judgment and that people will think that I am trying to convert others to my point of view. I don't have any judgment of what others do in their sex life. Sure I cringe sometimes, but it isn't out of judgment, but because I find it hard to empathize. I have beent trying to get to the bottom of how I feel so that I don't cringe anymore and I think you have helped me emensely with your post.

I understand this...

Quote:
Originally Posted by SchrodingersCat View Post
I think a lot of it has to do with your expectations heading into it. When I've had casual sex, I didn't expect anything beyond the encounter itself. It's the only time that I'm entirely selfish during sex, because I don't expect to get anything from them unless I "take" it (in a reciprocal, non-forceful, non-emotional way... struggled to figure how to say that without sounding like a rapist). But I never led them to believe there would be anything beyond that night. So I guess the answer to that is, if you're having sex outside of an established romantic relationship, the safest way is to not "give" anything (emotionally).
I think I have been giving too much thought and emotion going into casual situations... the thing is I don't see the point in bothering without giving... hmmm? It's nice to give I guess, but I think I prefer not to now in life. I have given too much and really just want to give to those that are closest to me relationship wise.

Quote:
Originally Posted by SchrodingersCat View Post
I personally feel that any friendship which is strong enough to be worth protecting in the first place would be strong enough to survive a sexual encounter. But if you value the friendship, you definitely need to talk about it first. A LOT. Discuss what will happen if one person develops feelings from the encounter. Discuss whether the desire is strong enough to explore those feelings.

For me, when romantic feelings develop with someone I'm close to, the "friendship" is over one way or another. I can't just turn off those feelings and pretend to be satisfied with friendship. So if there's no possibility to develop it into romance, then I would probably have to pull away from the person and the friendship just to protect myself from the pain of seeing them and not being able to be with them.

I'm not a "something is better than nothing" kind of person. I want it all, or I want to get on with my life.
Thanks for this too. I have been in these situations and agree entirely. Right now there is no room for any friends to become "intimate friends" or "friends with benefits" but I get it.
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