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Old 11-20-2012, 12:43 AM
smokymtngirl85 smokymtngirl85 is offline
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 14
Default Handfasting. . . alternatives to traditional wedding. . .advice?

So I need some advice from those with knowledge in alternative wedding ceremonies.

I've tried googling and researching but all I seem to be able to find religious, superstition, or wiccan based alternative to traditional marriage.

We want to have a ceremony that simply represents us and our bond and unification with regards to the fact that this is a poly relationship. We do not want to involve any form of religion or superstitions whatsoever.

So here are my questions:

What is a historically accurate Handfasting that does NOT involve wiccan beliefs or the beliefs or any one "religion?" Please keep in mind i know nothing about handfasting other than what i have read via google and so far it just seems silly to me or too intensely "belief" based.

I am french/irish and my fiance is Scottish. . .I'd like to incorporate non-superstition/religion based traditions from these cultures into the ceremony but am very unfamiliar. suggestions?

Are there any other types of alternative ceremonies?

I am not the type of person who likes to make up my own thing lol i am looking for at least a mold to follow that I can tweak with ideas from other ceremonies and put it all into one gorgeous ceremony.

I do know that I will be wearing a traditional wedding dress and my fiance a tux. My husband is still unsure about if he wants a role or not so i need suggestions in that department.

I'm open to any and all suggestions! But let me mention once more that all suggestions should be religion/belief and superstition free. Our ceremony is simply about love and making the commitment to spend our lives together honestly and freely.

Bi & Poly. . .is there anything better? Lol
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Old 11-20-2012, 12:48 AM
Precious1 Precious1 is offline
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 34

Here's a few notes & links I put together for my ceremony next year:


The Colours Of Handfasting
In the traditions of Celtic handfasting the couple's wrists are bound together
using ribbons of thirteen different colours.
Each colour has it's own special meaning:

Red: passion, strength, lust, fertility
Orange: encouragement, attraction, kindness, plenty
Yellow: charm, confidence, joy, balance
Green: finances, fertility, charity, prosperity, health
Blue: tranquility, patience, devotion, sincerity
Purple: Power, piety, sanctity, sentimentality
Black: strength, wisdom, vision, success
White: purity, concentration, meditation, peace
Gray: neutrality, canceling, balance
Pink: unity, honor, truth, romance, happiness
Brown: earth, grounding, talent, telepathy, home
Silver: treasure, values, creativity, inspiration
Gold: energy, wealth, intelligence, longevity

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Old 11-20-2012, 02:09 AM
JaneQSmythe JaneQSmythe is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Pennsyl-tucky
Posts: 1,148

You might be interested in reading about marriages that don't require an "official" to preside. Not all states allow such marriages but since you are already married to someone else it seems as though the legality is irrelevant.

My MIL and SIL were both married under a "Quaker license" in Pennsylvania which allows two people to marry themselves without a third party. (Wikipedia article on "Self-uniting Marriage".) Perhaps your husband would be interested in being a narrator / master of ceremonies at such a wedding? Introducing you and explaining the nature of the ceremony, and lending his blessing to the event?

Me: poly bi female, in an "open-but-not-looking" Vee-plus with -
MrS: hetero polyflexible male, live-in husband (21+ yrs)
Dude: hetero poly male, live-in boyfriend (3+ yrs) and MrS's best friend
Lotus: poly bi female, "it's complicated" relationships with Dude/JaneQ/MrS (1+ years)
TT: poly bi male, married to Lotus, FB with JaneQ
VV and MsJ: bi-women with male primaries, LTR LDR FWBs to JaneQ

My poly blogs here:
The Journey of JaneQSmythe
The Notebook of JaneQSmythe
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Old 11-22-2012, 06:35 PM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 7,289

Look for Humanist Celebrants (or Officiants) in your area. Most Humanists are secular, although there is a branch of Spiritual Humanists, but the officiants usually write the ceremony according to what you want. Go here to find a Humanist Celebrant: http://humanist-society.org/celebrants/

You could also look for someone affiliated with the Society for Ethical Culture. Go here to find links to local Societies: http://www.nysec.org/links
The world opens up... when you do.

Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me. ~Bryan Ferry
"Love is that condition in which another person's happiness is essential to your own." ~Robert Heinlein
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Old 11-22-2012, 08:16 PM
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SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Saskatchewan
Posts: 2,130

We incorporated a sand ceremony into our wedding. It was a traditional wedding overall, but the sand ceremony can be done in any context.


You can also go through the whole "official wedding" process, just without the license and officiator. Change the vows as necessary to match your arrangement.

There seems to be some good info here: http://www.nonreligiousweddings.com/handfasting.html
Gralson: my husband (works out of town).
Auto: my girlfriend (lives with her husband Zoffee).

The most dangerous phrase in the English language is "we've always done it this way."
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