Chapters 1-10: First Marriage, Bicuriosity, Exploration, New Relationship, Disintegrating Marriage, Realization of Different Worldviews, Letting Go, Annulment, Healing, and New Beginnings
Call me Iceley. I'm 27. No kids. Just two puppies. Married to Lillit for four months. I'm a Southern girl from the top of my head to my toes. I was raised in the Baptist church and converted to Catholicism prior to my first marriage. I never questioned monogamous relationships. I didn't expect polyamory to play a role in my life. Until it did.
I married the guy I dated thru high school and college. We had a cute story. High school and college sweethearts. We were going to raise kids, live in suburbia, drive a minivan, and love each other forever and ever. He was the guy next door, came from a good family, and marriage and kids seemed like the next steps. He was a good guy and treated me like his queen. There was pressure from both families. Nine years of dating and no ring? My family was pressed for him to make an honorable woman out of me. I come from a town where if you aren't married or knocked up by 21, you're failing at life. The ins and outs of small town life. My family acted like my name was LeBron James, and I was still waiting for a ring after being on the "team" for years. We did eventually get married. It was a happy occasion. The first two months were happy. I started questioning my feelings for women less than three months after the wedding. I confided in my ex-h about wanting to explore those feelings. I never told him I was polyamorous or even wanted multiple partners. I didn't start off with the intention of having more than one partner. Until I did.
My journey of self-discovery and exploration started. I was crushing on my brother, Aristides's, girlfriend, Lillit. Lillit had been around since I was an acne and brace faced teenager. I was past the braces, acne, and goofy, painfully awkward teen angst years. She started looking at me in a grown and sophisticated light. I started looking at her as something other than a sisterly figure. She came on to me while we were out one night. The chemistry was undeniable. We backed away before it went too far. Lillit was 1/3 of a closed triad involving Aristides and his wife, Briseis. Cheating wasn't something I was down with. We had conversations with our partners in the months following. My ex-h was down as long as it was just physical and not emotional. We all agreed to do testing. It happened out of the blue. The aftermath was the proverbial opening of Pandora's box. There was no turning back because Lillit and I were spending time together in and out of the bed. I didn't expect to fall for Lillit or for sex to even happen more than once. Until I did and it did. Lillit and I wanted a romantic relationship. Aristides and Briseis were happy. My ex-h disapproved and struggled following the revelation that I was falling in love with Lillit.
My and my ex-h's marriage went belly up. My ex-h wanted the monogamous marriage back. I wanted to be with him and her. We tried couples counseling. We tried D.A.D.T. I was living a double life and hiding what I was doing every time I was with Lillit. He pretended like my relationship with Lillit wasn't a reality. It pained me to see the hurt in his eyes. I couldn't force him to stay in a marriage that was making him unhappy. I weighed the options and accepted that I had to let him go. Our worldviews were incompatible and leading to heartbreak, sadness, and misery. My ex-h and I tried to hold on to something that wasn't good for him or me. I loved him. He loved me. I did the hardest thing I've ever had to do in asking him for a divorce. I didn't want him to hate me. I didn't choose her over him. He couldn't accept me for what I had become. We were on a one-way trip to Splitsville with or without Lillit being in my life. I couldn't ignore the changes in myself. My ex-h and I separated before our first anniversary. We wanted to minimize the longevity and pain, so we sought an annulment. The legal side was painless. The diocese wasn't speedy in how they handled it. We were separated and in the nullification period longer than we were actively married. My ex-h and I are friends. Strange, I know. We've both moved on. I'll talk about my second marriage over time. Its been a ride.
This is how I first experienced polyamory. I'm polyamory friendly. Being the monogamous one in a polyamorous marriage presents its own special challenges. Mama didn't tell me there would be days like that. Hang on for the ride. The going is about to get good.
Call me Iceley. I'm 27. No kids. Just two puppies. Married to Lillit for four months. I'm a Southern girl from the top of my head to my toes. I was raised in the Baptist church and converted to Catholicism prior to my first marriage. I never questioned monogamous relationships. I didn't expect polyamory to play a role in my life. Until it did.
I married the guy I dated thru high school and college. We had a cute story. High school and college sweethearts. We were going to raise kids, live in suburbia, drive a minivan, and love each other forever and ever. He was the guy next door, came from a good family, and marriage and kids seemed like the next steps. He was a good guy and treated me like his queen. There was pressure from both families. Nine years of dating and no ring? My family was pressed for him to make an honorable woman out of me. I come from a town where if you aren't married or knocked up by 21, you're failing at life. The ins and outs of small town life. My family acted like my name was LeBron James, and I was still waiting for a ring after being on the "team" for years. We did eventually get married. It was a happy occasion. The first two months were happy. I started questioning my feelings for women less than three months after the wedding. I confided in my ex-h about wanting to explore those feelings. I never told him I was polyamorous or even wanted multiple partners. I didn't start off with the intention of having more than one partner. Until I did.
My journey of self-discovery and exploration started. I was crushing on my brother, Aristides's, girlfriend, Lillit. Lillit had been around since I was an acne and brace faced teenager. I was past the braces, acne, and goofy, painfully awkward teen angst years. She started looking at me in a grown and sophisticated light. I started looking at her as something other than a sisterly figure. She came on to me while we were out one night. The chemistry was undeniable. We backed away before it went too far. Lillit was 1/3 of a closed triad involving Aristides and his wife, Briseis. Cheating wasn't something I was down with. We had conversations with our partners in the months following. My ex-h was down as long as it was just physical and not emotional. We all agreed to do testing. It happened out of the blue. The aftermath was the proverbial opening of Pandora's box. There was no turning back because Lillit and I were spending time together in and out of the bed. I didn't expect to fall for Lillit or for sex to even happen more than once. Until I did and it did. Lillit and I wanted a romantic relationship. Aristides and Briseis were happy. My ex-h disapproved and struggled following the revelation that I was falling in love with Lillit.
My and my ex-h's marriage went belly up. My ex-h wanted the monogamous marriage back. I wanted to be with him and her. We tried couples counseling. We tried D.A.D.T. I was living a double life and hiding what I was doing every time I was with Lillit. He pretended like my relationship with Lillit wasn't a reality. It pained me to see the hurt in his eyes. I couldn't force him to stay in a marriage that was making him unhappy. I weighed the options and accepted that I had to let him go. Our worldviews were incompatible and leading to heartbreak, sadness, and misery. My ex-h and I tried to hold on to something that wasn't good for him or me. I loved him. He loved me. I did the hardest thing I've ever had to do in asking him for a divorce. I didn't want him to hate me. I didn't choose her over him. He couldn't accept me for what I had become. We were on a one-way trip to Splitsville with or without Lillit being in my life. I couldn't ignore the changes in myself. My ex-h and I separated before our first anniversary. We wanted to minimize the longevity and pain, so we sought an annulment. The legal side was painless. The diocese wasn't speedy in how they handled it. We were separated and in the nullification period longer than we were actively married. My ex-h and I are friends. Strange, I know. We've both moved on. I'll talk about my second marriage over time. Its been a ride.
This is how I first experienced polyamory. I'm polyamory friendly. Being the monogamous one in a polyamorous marriage presents its own special challenges. Mama didn't tell me there would be days like that. Hang on for the ride. The going is about to get good.
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