Recent content by DevotedGeek

I saw a strange comment on an OkC profile today: "If you're a douchebag (TapOut/Affliction t-shirt wearing, TOMS shoe sporting, photos with celebrities or your "gang"/drunk chicks taking , Hugo Boss cologne smelling, "Fifty Shades Of Grey" reading, dumb but cocky bro, etc etc) you should for...

I apologize... hopefully I wasn't being overly negative. I'm glad that the relationship itself (barring the issue of mono vs. poly) is positive and healthy. It's important to have that as a solid foundation in any relationship, and especially before exploring polyamory.

It sounds like the relationship was less than perfect to begin with, and then he decides to date more people. That's not going to make it better. I have to wonder what he's thinking. Honestly, if the relationship isn't sweeping you off your feet, then forget about the poly issues... are you...

I'm a strong believer in cementing one relationship before adding another. Do you feel like you've had enough time together yet, just the two of you? What stage do you consider the two of you in this relationship: casually dating, serious and committed, etc.? And where do you want it to be? Is...

I'm a chameleon, because they can become anything they want (or more accurately, blend into any situation).

Also, if you have specific questions in mind, then you might consider creating a standardized survey with SurveyMonkey. That way, you can more easily structure your data plus enable responses to be submitted anonymously.

I agree. Some couples may abuse the "primary/secondary" nomenclature to assert unfair authority within a poly family, such as abandoning a secondary arbitrarily and without protections. Common law protects married couples via alimony and (in some states) community property, thus ensuring a...

First, I'd try figuring out why you're feeling jealous. IMHO jealousy stems from one's needs not being met. Are there certain needs that aren't being fulfilled within the relationship, such as time together, attention, etc. Check out the Five Love Languages survey... are your particular love...

When my wife first asked to open our marriage, she asked permission to pursue a romantic relationship with someone as her secondary, in other words, that her soon-to-be-OSO wouldn't interfere from a time standpoint, and that our marriage would always come first. But I really didn't want that...

I honestly didn't understand polyamory myself at first either: I was naturally monogamous growing up. As far back as I can remember (first grade and beyond), I always had one best friend, and we'd spend all our time together. When I got to dating age, I wanted to find that one special person...

My first poly group meetup was a few months ago. I had no idea what to expect, and I was nervous and self-conscious from the get go. Everyone was very polite. We sat around multiple tables in an outdoor restaurant for informal chat. A couple guys reminisced about the swinging/sex clubs and...

lol... thank you! :) The "Wants a Poly Family" is an interesting thread. I've always been so attracted to the idea of a large family, it never really occurred to me that others might be so opposed to it. Either way, it's nice to meet someone else that also loves that type of arrangement. What...

Hello, and thank you for the friend request. :)

My first advise is to talk about it as soon as possible. Be loving, supportive, non-confrontational, let him know how important he is to you, and find out how he's feeling. One section of our poly agreement says: "Expressing Needs. The key to being poly is learning to (1) talk, (2) talk, and...

I'm glad to hear the two of you discussing this openly together. IMHO one of the wonderful characteristics of polyamory is being able to talk completely openly about anything, and caring so much about each other that both of you have each other's best interests at heart. (Or maybe I just grew up...