Recent content by erithacus

Thank you. It has taken us some time to see this, and the role it has played and is playing. But we do have a handle on where exactly things are going wrong, now, and I'm glad for that. In what context do you use the word "honest" here? I have been accused of not being "honest." While I may...

Yes, it's helping a LOT! Thank you all. :)

Hi polyexplorer, I have mixed feelings about it. On the one hand, we do talk sometimes, and he always says he understands me. There is definitely a level of trust and friendship between us. That's good, because it means there's something to build on. On the other hand, I do not feel supported...

pants

RP, thank you for the kind offer. I'll make sure to let her know.

Hi RP, Thank you again for your reply. Yes, I have read (and am reading again) those threads. All the comments and doubts I read in response to my posts all very valid, and I feel most of them, too. All the good advice has not been wasted on me. But I'll have to find a way to make sure she sees...

LR, in any case, it leads to a world that is more right for yourself. That, at least, is something very valuable. I hope it all works out, though. Regards, r

Although our relationship is very fragile at the moment, even if it ends, I will have gotten the following things out of it: - A LOT of personal growth - Better understanding of my needs and wants, and the ability to state them clearly, along with how I want to achieve them - More insight into...

Hi, GS. Currently I have sort of hijacked the situation by stating that if she does not put her relationship with Jax on hold, I want us to live in separate places for a while. She has agreed to not seeing him for three weeks. That gives us some time to figure things out. We're now trying to...

Hi LR, I just read your blog post. Thank you, thank you very much for writing it. You can add me to the list of people who have benefited from it. I can relate to giving too much of yourself. And how it affects the outcome of negotiations. I am struggling with a similar way of dealing with...

Thank you all for reading and responding. Our sex life has slowly diminished by Jordan having severe back trouble for several months, which turned out to be a hernia. More or less at the same time, she was working through some very emotional issues dealing with sexual abuse in her childhood...

Thank you, Redpepper. This is very true. The reason I started this thread is that we have trouble negotiating. I have the feeling that whenever I ask for a boundary, or demand one, I am being accused of unethically holding back my partner. I hear arguments like 'This is just the way I am,' 'I...

To answer my own question: When setting a boundary, I think you need to balance the comfort you give up for yourself with the freedom you take away from the other. It is very important that these things should be valued by the persons to whom they apply. E.g., when setting a boundary for my...

boundaries - when are they ethical, when aren't they Hi everyone, I'd like your opinions on a major discussion point between my poly wife and mono me. The question is about boundaries: When is it acceptable to unilaterally set a boundary? Where does this change from 'asking for respect for a...

Hi everyone, First of all: may 2011 bring you many happy memories and few sad ones. I'd like to share my story with you. I'm currently in a situation where I feel like I'm slowly falling apart-- and my relationship with it. My wife Jordan and I have been together for almost three years and we...