Recent content by koifish

Yup, the time will very soon come for me to say that no matter what he is thinking or wants to commit to, I cannot marry him on that day. I wanted it to be mutual for the sake of future possibilities in our relationship. I wanted to wait until after the therapy session that I hope he will join...

To anyone wondering how I persisted in being a jerk about the wedding to Heath as late in the game as I did: I actually didn't know what he wanted or needed exactly, because he would either "caretake me" into feeling okay, even if he did not himself feel okay, or otherwise remain mum on the...

Thanks for the replies, everyone. I only became sure I wanted to postpone the wedding today. I brought it up to Heath this evening. He was non-committal as far as what he wanted to do. He didn't actually say he would stop drinking, he said he would stop abusing alcohol and scale it back to 1-2...

Well, folks, I am actually now at peace with telling everyone the wedding has been postponed. It is some of the only peace I have know in the last month. As we barreled towards our wedding date, Heath persisted in drinking to the point of drunkenness every day. He was emotionally unavailable...

How does a temporary split differ from a permanent one? Is it really possible to split temporarily?

He is persistently angry, and it is directed at me. There is stuff that has troubled our relationship in the past, and he won't believe when I say I've learned or changed (I have), and won't have enough faith to test out whether I have learned of changed. He traps me with verbal tricks. When...

We're not getting married unless and until it's happy and wholehearted.

I guess that didn't come across quite right. What I meant is that I have sincerely disinvested from the wedding. I want to let the wedding go for right now if it means building a stronger bond with him. I wanted to take pressure off him about the wedding and also show him that I was...

Well, we talked. More talking, less glaring, which is good. I offered up the wedding postponement and he didn't snap it up, so maybe a desire to get married as planned is still rolling around in his noggin. We talked about a lot of things that he was specifically angry about, which is lot...

Thanks for the wake up call, NYCindie, and everyone else on this board. I appreciate it so much. It's actually made a big difference to me.

Thanks for the sage words, everyone. We had actually gotten to a point prior to the breakup where we were both okay with how the wedding was. At least, I think we had. We made it much smaller and pretty inexpensive. Heath has a tendency to not say what's bothering him, and rather to expect...

MrFarFromRight, your post was kinda harsh, but I can see how you would be confused and concerned by my posts, nearly all of which of occurred during intense periods of unhappiness. Heath and I dated for several years in high school, broke up, and then got back together a number of years later...

I've got my faults, too. Honest to god. But I'm working on them. For example, we had a lot of conflict over the wedding planning during all this, with me not listening enough to what he wanted (I am not a bridezilla, btw. I just wanted a celebration of sorts, where he wanted extremely small and...

Thank you for the hug!

I hope the wedding is still going forward. I'm continuing with it as if it is. Two things need to happen before then: Heath needs to be through his grieving process enough so that he can love me openly and be happy on our wedding day. I need to have been able to talk about him about my anger...