I think this is just between us. It is going to come up for us whether Z's relationship is going to be a V or a triad (is that the term?). I have never been bi before but I think I would feel better if Z's relationship with J becomes sexual (which he wants), that I was also involved. I don't feel attracted to J myself sexually but I can cope with the idea of us both making love to Z together rather than them having sex by themselves. We have all cuddled up in bed together (him in the middle). I told Z this morning that if he and J want to be a V then i will also seek a secondary. Otherwise it just feels like I am at a sort of loose end. Does that make sense? I think I would need to do it to feel balanced in our relationship.