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  • I think this is just between us. It is going to come up for us whether Z's relationship is going to be a V or a triad (is that the term?). I have never been bi before but I think I would feel better if Z's relationship with J becomes sexual (which he wants), that I was also involved. I don't feel attracted to J myself sexually but I can cope with the idea of us both making love to Z together rather than them having sex by themselves. We have all cuddled up in bed together (him in the middle). I told Z this morning that if he and J want to be a V then i will also seek a secondary. Otherwise it just feels like I am at a sort of loose end. Does that make sense? I think I would need to do it to feel balanced in our relationship.

    My situation is very strange but then I suppose everyone's is. I have come out of a long marriage where I wanted to be poly but my husband couldn't accept it and eventually I left him because I wanted to find a relationship that was passionate and wonderful. When I met my new partner he already had this non-sexual but very loving relationship with this woman in another city. Because of my previous experiences it didn't initially worry me that Z had this other woman. But then as our relationship deepened and satisfied me completely it did. That is why I joined the forum because I am working hard at accepting Z's secondary.

    So I suppose that is why I can see it from ML's point of view as my greatest pain is feeling left out when Z is with his secondary. WHo can view this? I haven't read all the rules of this forum so I don't want to say anything that would get anyone into trouble.
    Thanks for your comment on my profile Lex. I've been on the forum for over a year now and at fisrt there was so much struggle that I wanted to share as much happiness as possible, including pictures of our family. Take care :)
    I'm happy to be your buddy lexisme but like you I'm new and don't really have a clue how to do it. One thing that also struck me about your thread is that with ML being bi and you not she probably felt left out
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