Recent content by redsirenn

  1. redsirenn

    ...and we're on our way.

    ENGAGED! And with Profiles on OKC ;) Our community of like-minded individuals is growing immensely here in my small town. It's kind've spectacular. What started with O and I scared, with no one to talk to (why I turned to this forum in the first place) has grown into acceptance and even...
  2. redsirenn

    ...and we're on our way.

    Open Relationship/Poly groups After 2 years of Dating O, we are discovering a community of like-minded individuals in our small town. All the friends that doubted us are more comfortable, and even participate on occasion (lightly). This is AWESOME to me, because originally I banned friends...
  3. redsirenn

    Helping a cheater change - an exercise in futility?

    Yes it does. And I don't think I was entirely clear. It is not only both halves of one couple, but both halves of two couples. She and the man she hooked up with are both friends of mine, as are their spouses... I've had lots of wonderful dinner parties with just the four of them, plus O. We've...
  4. redsirenn

    Helping a cheater change - an exercise in futility?

    So, I went there. Had a talk with her and for a moment felt good about it. She reacted as badly as I imagined... Stormed off without even talking. I think I hit a nerve. I tried to emphasize that she had choices, that I would be there for her if she sought help. I just cannot get over feeling...
  5. redsirenn

    ...and we're on our way.

    Ok, the 6 month update. :p O and I are doing great. We've settled into some comfortableness, and discuss things as they come up. We've also kind've decided that neither of us wants another relationship with someone else, and have been discussing what "poly" means, what we "are", etc. Right...
  6. redsirenn

    How much to discuss beforehand??

    hmm. you say he has a partner? Does she know about his seeing you?
  7. redsirenn

    Helping a cheater change - an exercise in futility?

    Hi Everyone, I've been absent from the forum for a while - partially because my relationship is going well and partially because most of my friends now know about it and so I can talk to them about stuff. If you want details, I can post them on my thread, but I am here for another purpose. I...
  8. redsirenn

    ...and we're on our way.

    Hi - It's been a while. Getting a doctorate is a real pain in the ass. I just re read the above post. I ended up talking to O about this a couple of times. Once due to my fear that being so busy would tear us apart, and another because my work was stressing me out for REAL. It is truly...
  9. redsirenn

    Epilogue

    Some people do just once, and some don't ever. I understand your generalization here is not purposeful, RP. But, I think it is important to always note and be aware that everyone works differently. Some view love differently than others and just that can make it impossible to love twice in a...
  10. redsirenn

    Epilogue

    I don't see why not? I think that this form of monogamy can have its pluses and minuses as well. You still spend time with one person at a time, learn their inner workings without distraction of another relationship, and then move on when you discover that either you are not as compatible as...
  11. redsirenn

    ...and we're on our way.

    I have not been feeling like myself This is really just a rant, so that I can get some stuff out of my head: I have been in a bit of a low spot for the past couple of weeks. I cannot exactly pinpoint what it is that is going on with me, but I have been incredibly stressed out with research and...
  12. redsirenn

    Am I getting better or worse?

    You ARE winning this. You stood up for yourself, what you think is right, and told her so. That is HUGE.
  13. redsirenn

    Redpepper's journey

    Take a deep breath. This blew up not that long ago. You may have been feeling it for a while, but may I suggest you take some intermediate steps before taking this route. I only say this because this kind of statement can come across as threatening to someone who is feeling like he has been. It...
  14. redsirenn

    Discussion on Forum Sociology and Interpersonal Dynamics

    How is it not the issue? It seems to me, that it is the exact issue that you bring up again and again. I think it is a waste of time to argue this issue in rebuttal after rebuttal without a clear list of suggestions in the form of actions that all people on this forum could take. If I were...
  15. redsirenn

    Am I getting better or worse?

    Uh Oh. Think about that one for a moment. If you are truly doing this, it is time to back away, IMO. There should be at the very least a light at the end of the tunnel, days where you felt heard or understood, and moments (many!!!) where her actions reflect that.
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