Recent content by SoCalExile

I go the opposite route- it makes me sad and wistful. But that's my natural bent. Still trying to get the therapist involved; they've finally connected with each other but no session is scheduled yet (holidays are such a mixed blessing sometimes). She talked about possessiveness and fear of...

Very likely true. I did actually start making a list of things I do want in a poly arrangement versus things I am not looking for or am completely willing to negotiate on. And some things that, while they sound like fun (sex commune, anyone?) are simply too far out there or impractical for me to...

Holy cow how did I not manage to say that. This, a thousand times this. I have had fairly supportive friends but it's draining to have to re-explain poly in half or more of one's conversations.

I'm lucky enough to live near what appears to be a blossoming poly community. There are at least a couple of regular community meetings at a downtown restaurant. I want very, very much to show up to one and talk to folks. I don't need or want a community in order to feel validated in being...

That's a great question and one I don't know how to answer. I'm hoping the MFT can assist with that. The only thing I can think of is to keep telling her I love her. While that's great and all, it's pretty short on specifics, isn't it? At some point it's just going to sound like a platitude...

That is tough. For my part, CBT helped a lot. On hers, Buddhism. The two seem very nearly indistinguishable in some aspects.

I was thinking "principals" as in "the principal people in his life" but I'm just some weirdo on the Internet who wasn't privy to the actual conversation and therefore am addressing this completely devoid of context and haven't had any coffee yet and WHERE did I put that sixth cup of spiked...

I'm unclear on this. Did you mean principals or principles? I'm not trying to be a spelling Nazi, just that the two have wildly different implication for any poly conversation with him.

Thanks. We've been through a lot. Last night she talked again about working on letting go of jealousy. She's really working hard and I feel kind of bad for "inflicting" this on her. I find there's three emotional states I'm feeling most: An intense, tearful state that is a weird mix of...

Ah, gotcha. I can see how it would be confusing. I don't think my wife actually understood that I want a discussion-only phase either. I've been trying to say that but for some reason couldn't make it come out as plainly as you did. Part of the issue is that she has been thinking that since...

She's been doing reading on her own. Exactly what, I don't know, but she isn't coming back at me with arguments about why poly is evil or anything, so that's good. Hopefully she's found Xeromag. I was thinking about steering her there. I don't think she'll be participating in discussions here...

No, I'm no longer being treated for depression. I was before though, initially without, then with, medication. I am seeing a poly-aware marriage therapist by myself, and want to turn those sessions into couples counseling- which was one of my initial stated goals when I first started seeing...

Have you and your wife tried counseling yet? Is she adamantly opposed to opening things up, or even talking about it?

I used to lurk here a lot. Still do. Occasionally I made a comment or two on a thread. Never felt the need to post my own. NOW <dramatic music> ALL THAT CHANGES <cymbal crash> I came out to my wife last month. Some history: We've been married for 24 years. For 25 years, I'd also loved...

I'm not a bi woman so I have zero exposure to how widespread or not this assumption is but I don't understand it at all. The term is Bisexual, not "man-crazy". Is this a common male assumption? I find it completely puzzling. :confused: