Recent content by strixish

I really appreciate everyone's responses-- thank you! Lots to think about.

In an ideal world, perhaps she can find a dominant partner who actually believes that the D/s dynamic confers a responsibility to guide a submissive to be a better person. (Not all kinky folks follow this, but some do.) He could use the D/s dynamic to encourage her to do the work to really be...

My theory (and YMMV) is that NRE is not so much about the person you're with, as it is about your infatuation with yourself. You are suddenly attractive to someone, and loveable, and your self esteem shoots through the roof! But you've gotta get that fix, get that mutual admiration society...

I just want to add my voice to the chorus, that what you are describing sounds like abuse. I would like to encourage you to not take this too lightly. I'm usually the type of person to encourage people to explore polyamory, to push their boundaries and open themselves to love. In this...

Infatuation/butterflies =/= being in love. Infatuation is all about me. Omigod, he's really into me, he thinks I'm pretty, is he thinking about me right now, is he looking at me with stars in his eyes to match the stars in mine, I want his attention, I need his focus on me, me, me, gotta...

You mentioned that you're probably not going to be pursuing a poly relationship in the future, and I get that. Still, I wanted to point out that this is a huge red flag for me. If I'm just starting to date someone who's already in a relationship, it's important to me that the relationship be...

I know exactly what you're talking about, though I don't think I have an easy answers. I'm probably just drawing from pop psychology here and could be way off, but here's my two cents, at least. Take a look at how this kind of judgment is affecting the way you view yourself. Do you feel...

I'm wary of "rules" when it comes to the way I live as a polyamorous person. However, the points you list are not that unreasonable. The fact that you and she are so far apart on them helps to illustrate what you seem to be saying-- that neither of you is interested in polyamory. She wants an...

One big answer is, yes, to talk to him about it. Another big answer may be a little harder-- decide if you're okay with the limited relationship he has to offer. Would you want to be friends, in a non-romantic way? Are you wired to be friends with benefits? My advice would be to give up on...

I agree that relationships can have double standards and still work, but that's only when the double standard really reflects what both of them want. If she has absolutely no interest in seeing anyone else, and it doesn't bother her for him to do so, and it would bother him for her to date...

This is helpful. One of my partners has been experiencing jealousy regarding my new relationship, and I've been trying hard to be supportive. I hadn't even thought about how the *guilt* has been affecting me (and it has been). Good food for thought...

Maybe I missed it, but sounds like neither actually knows yet that the other exists, other than the abstract fact that you're seeing other people. Is this true? Tell them about each other before they meet at the party.

I think it's easier to talk about sex than to talk about feelings. My poly life has actually developed out of my experience in an open relationship. (In a very queer scene, so it wasn't part of the swinger scene.) I found that I'm not really wired for casual sex, so I moved towards the...

Not to get too "woo woo" about it, but I think that when I can name the jealousy, it loses a lot of its power. I can try to repress it, because I want to be a good poly person, and don't want to let it exist. I can try to swallow it down and ignore it. However, that causes it to grow into...

I think your concerns and intentions all show that you are approaching this in a thoughtful way. You do need to know her as an individual, and get to know her in the usual way that two people get to know each other, before you can be comfortable having BIG DISCUSSIONS. Keep in mind that you...