YouAreHere
Well-known member
YouAreHere is... where? (Or, "This Road Map Still Sucks...") - Blog, Part II
Intro post, which is just the outro post from my last blog thread. Methinks there are enough changes in my life right now to warrant a new thread/chapter.
Intro post, which is just the outro post from my last blog thread. Methinks there are enough changes in my life right now to warrant a new thread/chapter.
Well... a lot has happened in a few months. YAH ended up having herself a full-blown identity crisis for a while! But I'll get to that...
What the heck did I talk about last time? YouAreHere has most definitely NOT been "here."
Oh, yeah...
The .sig most definitely needs updating. Noa abruptly left Chops' life and unfriended all the rest of us from Facebook soon thereafter. Lots going on there, and I feel for her, but zoinks... scorched earth. Cheesegirl and Chops are pretty much just friends at this point. Xena and Curls' relationship has kind of backed up a few steps, but the house plans are still in motion, even if it ends up to be a couple of different living spaces or something. Xena's got a new guy that she's really happy about, and she's really (REALLY) working on tamping down her expectations when it comes to what kind of relationships she wants with people (which was one of the big bugaboos with why we didn't really get along all that well in the beginning of the relationship with Chops). Things are going pretty well, all things considered.
And then there's me. Good ol' Mono, Pendulum-hearted me. Good ol' me who was the recipient of some nice, flirty attention from a coworker (well, we're in the same building, he's in my spin classes, but we'll never actually *work* together - very different disciplines). Good ol' me who really liked the flirting and reciprocated, because hey - it's all cool and open and on the up and up, and I think he's a cool guy. Good ol' me who thought, as the flirting went on, "Hm... I wonder if I'm right or wrong about myself..."
And now... Good ol' me who's been on two dates with this guy and is now planning a third.
Yeah, we'll let THAT sink in for a bit, shall we?
A little bit longer, perhaps. Hell, *I'm* still letting it sink in.
Chops and I have had some long conversations about it. The Pendulum thing really threw him, since I was SO adamant about being that way, and he didn't understand what changed. And I guess nothing changed, except I really just wanted to see if I really DO know myself, and to do it by challenging myself, and see, now that a mutual attraction has presented itself, if I really were the person I believed myself to be. I didn't want to ask myself "what if" - if I had/have regrets, I at least wanted them to be about SOMETHING rather than NOT doing something... if that makes sense.
Of course, it makes New Guy something of a science project, which I hate, but I'm being completely honest about not knowing where this is going, or knowing if I will be able to actually *do* a relationship (but then again, so is New Guy - he's been really damned good about digging into the deep stuff rather than noping out of the whole thing. It's been impressive!). So my goal is to keep doing that, keep being proactive about talking about stuff, and see where things go.
On the plus side, I'm really into this guy, and I don't think it's negatively impacting my feelings for Chops. I am, however, totally overanalyzing the HELL out of myself, though, and it's getting tiring. I occasionally feel disingenuous about myself (ID'ing as Mono), and wonder if it'd just be best to wrap up my other blog in a nice little bow and end it (due to the Mono/Poly-centric-ness of it), but then I wonder if it'd be better to just keep it going and have it become something else as well. I pulled away entirely from the blog, and from the board, just to chew on all this for a while, and I think I'm at a point now where I'm okay with this shift, and I'll roll with it and talk about it, and see how things go.
And then, I also think I've just come to the conclusion that I'm too old for this labeling shit, and I'm done with trying to put a name to who/what I am, other than "me." Screw it. And pulling away from the board feels dumb, because gee - MAYBE one or two of you here has been through this before, no? Oh well... if there's one label that may stick, it's "stubborn."
So yeah. My signature needs updating. And New Guy needs a name. Who the hell am I again? Maybe it's time to shutter this blog thread and open another... Chapter Two, perhaps. Onward and upward.
Life sure is interesting, isn't it?