Hi! I'm Larkspur. I'm new to the forum, but I've been poly for about 3 years. I'm a 30-something lesbian with a live-in partner Lilac (1.5 years together) and a long-distance partner Amaryllis (3 years together). Thanks to COVID, I haven't seen Amaryllis in over a year. I've also had far fewer opportunities to interact with other queer and poly folks in my area, so I figured it was a good time to join this community and make new friends. I'm looking forward to getting to know you! Any tips you have about nurturing long-distance relationships during COVID would be fantastic. I also don't want my sadness about being unable to visit Amaryllis to cause Lilac to feel inadequate, so hearing from people whose partners are in long-distance relationships would also be helpful. I really am happy living with Lilac, but I would also like to be able to see my other partner. If only we all lived closer together!
I'm queer, ie., non-binary, pansexual and polyamorous/polysexual. I'm on the east coast of the US, but I thought I'd say hi.
I dislike "long-distance" relationships, but 2 of my partners/bfs/playpartners/whatever, while not that far away (less than 35 miles) are out of the picture for in-person meetings because of not being on my quaranteam, since they work outside the home, or have a wife who does, or have kid(s) who go to daycare or school. And I'm 65, so I have to be hyper-careful!
So, I feel that.
As for not "wanting your sadness to cause Lilac to feel inadequate" goes, if she's poly-friendly, why should she feel "inadequate"? Doesn't she understand that your love for Amaryllis does not lessen your love for her? Or are you so mopey that you can't even enjoy her right now? I'd say you should vent more about your unhappiness or frustration to others, and don't dump it all on Lilac. Try to give her your best most of the time. Appreciate that you at least have her. We have to all be as positive as we can. It's like being in a war! At least our main partners aren't off in actual battle being shot at. But it's kind of similar!
I don't go on and on about missing my guys to my nesting partner, Pixi, but she's well aware of my frustration. She is so lucky! Her bf lives alone, in the next town from here, a 12 minute drive away. He also works from home and only goes in public to get groceries once a week. She spends half the week at his place, so she gets that variety. She also got to see his parents and other family, outdoors, over the summer, one time. And then got to see his parents 2 weeks after new years, for a holiday visit, after they'd socially isolated themselves, to be sure they were healthy, after they spent Xmas Day with the brother and his family, and an aunt and uncle. They live a 2 hour drive away.
She and I did spend a few days over Thanksgiving and Xmas with my son, who also works from home and gets his groceries delivered, and is only a 40 minute drive away. But those family visits, while fun, are not the yummy sexy cuddly ones I used to get, and miss very much, with my male partners.
So, if I want to vent now and then to Pixi, I damn well do! She can comfort me and show some sympathy, since she is so relatively lucky!