Wow, so okay. I was able to text with SirGawain’s FWB today. I should give her a name here - uh, shit. I hate thinking up names quick. ButterCup? Let’s go with that for now! Anyway, I am glad we got a chance to talk. I feel like before I post much I should go and reread what I’ve written about her in the past, but I don’t have time for that right now.
Today she shared some stuff with me that made my heart heavy for her, but then some other things that give me joy. I don’t want to be more specific than that. We got to talking about our shared love for SirGawain, and it’s clear she did a lot of lifting for him during his breakup with his toxic ex. She says she is thrilled I am back in his life, and I do believe her. When we were both with him years back, she was our biggest fan then.
At that point, SirGawain had floated the idea of a threesome, but between me and his toxic ex. In no way shape or form was I ever going to okay that, because being vulnerable with that insane partner of his would never be safe for me. Well, apparently he tried to get ButterCup into that as well, but she also didn’t hate herself, so she also declined.
Funny thing though, after ButterCup broke it off with SirGawain, I told him he was stupid because out of any metamour I ever had, I would have been down to play with her. Apparently the feeling was mutual!
This was a shock for me to find out. This turned our talk today flirty. I really enjoyed that. I consider myself straight though - I told her that in the past, and I told her that now. I actually only amended it after meeting her - 98% straight, 2% not, because of her and Gal Gadot. I was so into her intelligence and strength!
So, that’s kind of back on the table now. SirGawain is a shared concern of both of ours, and she is fully bisexual. We are just talking now, but we discussed about testing, etc, and she said she is going to go get that done next week! Oh my. I was also really into her husband three years ago, but we stopped talking once she broke things off with me. She was really in a bad headspace back then, and he had to devote everything to keeping her together. Which I understood then, and now. Honestly, I don’t remember what the two of us said back then - only that we felt crazy compatible over text and were looking forward to meeting.
So, anyway. I am interested in rebuilding both of these connections. I guess we will see how things go.
Actually, this morning I talked to the guy I had one date with and canceled on him tonight. I told him I was no longer interested because we really were having some communication issues, and late last night he tried changing around all of our plans - which I couldn’t do. It just seemed like pulling teeth and I was like, it’s exhausting and I don’t need that in my life right now. So I called it off for good with him. This was much earlier in the morning, before I spoke with ButterCup.
I did talk to SirGawain too, and he wants me to come over tonight anyway - my plan was to go on this date and then sleepover with SirGawain, so I didn’t have to drive back late. I miss his face like crazy, so I am happy to come over just to see him. And I guess now to talk about stuff with ButterCup.
Honestly, I’m both anxious and excited about having that discussion. My existing uncertainty is still there, about the possibility of SirGawain taking back his toxic ex. He’s reassured me as much as he can, but he legit still works on his “fuck you” speeches in his head to give to her, and 6 months - 9 months? - post breakup isn’t long enough for me to feel safe. He knows I feel this way, but there’s really not anything else to be done. He says he will just continue on and prove to me through time that I don’t have to worry about that. I spoke to ButterCup, and she says she is about 100% certain that toxic ex is never, ever going to come back and give that opportunity. That she has no further use for SirGawain and so she wouldn’t bother giving him any chance whatsoever to humiliate her.
So there’s that. Also, as titillating as the idea of group sex fun can be, I’ve also never had that sort of thing go on with someone I love or care about. It’s always just been with strangers when I mess around. And it’s never, ever been with a woman involved. And definitely not with a woman I like and respect a lot.
Lots to think about. Nothing urgent though, so I will see how this unfolds.