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  1. Phantessa

    Torment of falling for a mono

    Reading back over my original post, I should clarify. I have had crushes on poly men too, but unfortunately none of them developed into anything. I’ve only had 1 secondary relationship and yes I still have feelings for E. But, I don’t think two mono interests really means I’m only attracted to...
  2. Phantessa

    Torment of falling for a mono

    First, I appreciate you taking the time to look back over some of my old posts and giving a very thorough response. I see where you’re getting coming from, but I tend to post when things are down and not good. So, you’re probably only reading about negatives. I have had long periods of wonderful...
  3. Phantessa

    Torment of falling for a mono

    I have a problem, I'm always developing crushes on mono-men (who are either not open to poly or believe I will leave my husband for them)... So, this is more of a vent. I wish I had known about poly years and years ago. I felt forced to choose between my spouse and boyfriend(I'll call him E) at...
  4. Phantessa

    Turned on by wife flirting!

    Unfortunately, I did not get the same response. He said, not too seriously though "It fills me with a murderous rage." He's got some feelings of jealousy he's still working on. ;)
  5. Phantessa


    I don't know the specifics of your situation, but maybe he's unclear on how much information is too much. For him to tell you about a blow job is pretty obvious, but if you need to know some of the other smaller details you mentioned (ie: texts, calls) then he may not see it as important. I...
  6. Phantessa

    Turned on by wife flirting!

    I've got to ask my husband about this now! ;)
  7. Phantessa

    Self Esteem & Relationships

    How important is self esteem in the creation of healthy, loving relationships? Extremely important. Low self esteem can lead to all sorts of problems from extreme dependency to narcissism. How is self esteem furthered where it is insufficient? I think sometimes people have to go back to early...
  8. Phantessa

    Definition of "romance/romantic"

    Love, romantic love, caring, intimacy.. It does have different meanings for different people. I'm gonna copy and paste from some theories of love. After reading these theories, I tend to think of romantic as the Rubin's intimacy, Hatfield's combo of both compassionate and passionate combined...
  9. Phantessa

    Polyamory paused by pregnancy/child

    Thanks KGodc. Also, I'm gonna steal that idea of leaving notes to take the argumentative sting out of some things.
  10. Phantessa

    How does one know?

    I've had these same thoughts and worries. I wish there was some way to know, but that's why we only tiptoed in the door and now we've tiptoed back out for now. Polyamory has so many changes within our marriage we didn't want to take a giant leap all at once, but make sure we were both ok each...
  11. Phantessa

    Polyamory paused by pregnancy/child

    Update Hey all, just wanted to give an update. The hubby and I have been spending more time together.. but more important laughing and enjoying our time together. I think part of the problem is that we just started doing our own individual things and avoided spending time together. We still...
  12. Phantessa

    Online Dating… OKCupid... what a trip. What works for you?

    Forgive my naivety, what is OKC that I keep seeing people talk about?
  13. Phantessa

    Polyamory paused by pregnancy/child

    AnnabelMore, it's good to hear from your perspective. When I was pregnant and up until very recently I wasn't interested in any intimacy or relationship with anyone. I had a lot of little health scares in the last few months which are slowly going away. But, I think if I had someone in my life...
  14. Phantessa

    Polyamory paused by pregnancy/child

    I appreciate the words of wisdom from you both. We really haven't had much downtime to be together. My mother-in-law comes every now and then. I work full time and he's a college student and full time dad. We don't really have any other family or friends nearby to watch her, but we also have a...
  15. Phantessa

    What you listening to Now :

    Karmin's cover of "I need a doctor"
  16. Phantessa

    What did you do today that made you smile?

    Got my 6 month old to dance to "What is Love" ;p Babies are full of endless laughter and smiles. :)
  17. Phantessa

    Polyamory paused by pregnancy/child

    I only recently learned about polyamory a few years ago. After speaking to a friend who is polyamorous, I broke down in tears because it just clicked for me. Suddenly, the feelings I had for other people while in a relationship was ok. My husband and I began to converse about it and we were open...
  18. Phantessa

    "Married, sexually monogamous, with a tendency to fall in love" I like your message about...

    "Married, sexually monogamous, with a tendency to fall in love" I like your message about yourself and may steal it ;p
  19. Phantessa

    In the begining . . .

    Wow, my husband and I have discussed and only in minor ways begun to explore polyamory. But, I never imagined it would look the way you and your wife have explored it. My personal reaction is that I don't think I could ever be ok with my husband getting "booty calls" with someone he doesn't have...
  20. Phantessa

    First relationship.. failure

    Thanks LR. Our relationship has been strengthened and we survived the first attempt. My husband was incredible inspiring in the compassion and care he showed for me exploring a relationship. I know I will appreciate that so much more when he meets someone too. We have a greater respect and...