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  1. Marcus

    Non transparency on Poly couple

    The clear anti-male chip on your shoulder aside, yes, setting and standing by healthy boundaries is the way to solve this issue. Setting and standing by healthy boundaries is difficult for most of us, for a myriad of reasons, but it's still a central pillar of having healthy associations...
  2. Marcus

    Needing help with a poly marriage

    This whole thing honestly reads like an extensive warning label of how to NOT live your life and how to NEVER have a relationship. It's just one big red flag after another, stating loud and clear that this is a fundamental mismatch and the relationship has no business even existing. Speaking...
  3. Marcus

    Non transparency on Poly couple

    I only share with people what I care to share. Just because I'm going on a date with someone, or moving in with someone, or establish a life partnership agreement with someone, doesn't mean they are entitled to know my every thought or every aspect of my life. I am an independent person though...
  4. Marcus

    Non transparency on Poly couple

    This person needs to work on their boundary setting and communication skills. If they have rando people coming over to their house and trashing the place and leaving them with the bill, but this isn't something they want... they are just setting themselves up for failure. If I don't want to...
  5. Marcus

    Advice on meeting metamour ! From friend of your partner to metamours

    I strongly recommend just saying this out loud to your partner (as well as your metamour, if you have that kind of closeness with them). It's totally normal for many of us to be hesitant when approaching a new type of social interaction. The trick to communicating this kind of stuff (like most...
  6. Marcus

    Partner breaks up because metamour changes mind on polyamory

    That sucks. It's always so disappointing when we think we understand the direction a relationship is going and it suddenly gets the rug pulled out from under it. It's that feeling of missed future opportunity, like "ah man, that could have been something really beautiful." Folks just don't...
  7. Marcus

    Rule has been broken... What to do?

    And they didn't feel safe enough to say "no, that's not something I can agree to". As you (original poster) are working through this, the question of "how to handle his indiscretion" is less important than "why does this person I've been in a relationship with for 10 years, feel unsafe in...
  8. Marcus

    Mono/Poly - is it safe to say all the hard work falls on the mono?

    I don't think emotional labor works that way. She can deal with whatever emotional labor she is dealing with, and you have to deal with yours. She can't take on part of your work in dealing with fear, insecurity, jealousy, etc, that's all internal to you and you are the only one who has any real...
  9. Marcus

    Should I leave my husband?

    Is he communicative? If it is your intention to have a conversation with him and come to some kind of mutual understanding, you'll both need to be concise about what it is that you want. It can be hard to do, certainly when everyone is in the middle of an emotional upheaval, but if you want to...
  10. Marcus

    Help re: Partner broke agreements/cheated with my close friend.

    And when someone breaks the agreement, it means that they didn't really believe in it in the first place. When someone agrees to (or even proposes) a rule that they don't actually want to follow, it tells us something specific about the nature of communication between us. It means that, when...
  11. Marcus

    Help re: Partner broke agreements/cheated with my close friend.

    If that's the case, why the rule governing his sex life? Usually rules about what someone else does with their sex life are based in insecurity. If it's no biggie then I say drop the rules and you guys just let each other live your lives. Personally I think it would serve you better to take...
  12. Marcus

    Help! My partner feels I cheated on them?

    This is the boss level question right here. The answer to this question for most rules like this is "I'm insecure, and I want to avoid dealing with it". If you agreed to this dumb rule, you may be compelled to eat some crow because you busted it. More importantly though, you need to be far...
  13. Marcus

    My boyfriend wants the keep having threesomes but refuses to talk about what went wrong, gets mad when I try

    Regardless of what the answer is to your detective work, the relationship you are in has red flags all over it. The moment we have so little trust and respect for someone that we are snooping around looking for "the truth"... any chance of having a healthy relationship is over. What you have is...
  14. Marcus

    What would this even be considered?

    I figured everyone was going to just breeze right past that point. I would usually consider Ye Olden OPP/OVP to be selfish, in that it's a "what is good for the goose, is great for the goose" sort of scenario (that or it's just a sex fetish). I agree that as long as everyone is on board with...
  15. Marcus

    Head over heels with a free spirit, but where does that leave me?

    Just going off of what you've told us, it sounds like he has expressed this to you explicitly. Is it that you still have questions and would like for him to be a little bit more specific? It's always good to ask for clarification on where someone is at, so that we can adjust our expectations...
  16. Marcus

    Help balancing relationships

    That's some treacherous water right there. That sounds like a private conversation you ought to be having with your therapist, not with a partner who has a vested interest in your answer. For me, this is the important part of this whole situation. I know you were having some mental health...
  17. Marcus

    Open Marriage To Poly Problem

    For sure. It's probably very comforting to hear "nah baby, I only love you", but it's not an actual promise most people can follow through on. Share some intimacy, a few laughs, and *poof*, we gots feelings. I am glad that you are hesitant to try to lay down the law. It's a stance that will...
  18. Marcus

    Local Poly Partner Moving Away

    It doesn't sound like he is overly concerned about staying in contact with you, which I'm sure doesn't feel great. Is this the extent of the conversation or has he given you more information on what his actual intentions are with you? If he is willing to give it, I would hope to get a more clear...
  19. Marcus

    I just need like…. Like minded people? I think.

    What is your expectation of what this progress looks like? Is there an action you discussed her taking that she hasn't yet taken? Have you expressed to her clearly what your intentions are? It sounds like you might be kind of leaving it up to her at the moment. Do you know what your...
  20. Marcus

    Does marriage affect autonomy in Polyamory?

    That's a question that would make a lot of sense to ask. Even if getting a prenup isn't something you are particularly concerned about, the question is powerful and the answer will be informative.
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