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  1. CielDuMatin

    My evolving poly self

    I have documented elsewhere my journey into poly and have been "doing poly" for over 20 years, now. I the beginning I was fumbling - didn't know what I wanted, didn't know what to do in order to "do it right". I hurt some people that I cared about during that initial period. Then I (and my...
  2. CielDuMatin

    Is Hugh Hefner poly?

    Some thoughts sprang up for me from another thread. Is Hugh Hefner poly? He has long-term relationships with many girls, who all know about each other and agree to the relationship style. Is his style of relationship responsible non-monogamy? I have my own opinions, but would love to hear...
  3. CielDuMatin

    Deconde this: "Something real"

    Not for the first time I have been baffled by what is in folks' personal ads. most of them I have been able to work out for myself, but I am utterly stuck with one phrase I have seen multiple times - "something real". It's usually in the contexts of "looking for something real". This must be...
  4. CielDuMatin

    Cuddle Parties?

    OK, more opinions from your truly, but I really would like to know if I am alone in how I feel about the Cuddle Parties that seem to be a semi-regular feature at Poly Conferences, etc. They make it very obvious that these are there as a non-sexual cuddling and otherwise touching party. They...
  5. CielDuMatin

    Is it just me, or is this becoming more about sex only?

    Please tell me this is just me, if it is... It seems like more and more folks are posting on various poly boards talking about the "relationship primarily for sex, and maybe with other feelings". My understanding was that this was swinging, not poly, which (I thought) focused more on the total...
  6. CielDuMatin

    Poly and the Military

    So a post in the D&F/NA boards got me thinking, and even though I posted the question there, not everyone frequents those boards, so thought I would aks it here. Are there are folks on here who are active military? (Failing that, anyone who knows enough about the topic to contribute). What is...
  7. CielDuMatin

    Things to mention if you are looking for a new poly relationship

    So I see so many personal ads, here and in other places, that give so very few details about what they are looking for... I'm not going to pick on any one ad, and I am definitely not just picking on the so-called Unicorn Hunters out there, but isn't what you are looking for a little more than a...
  8. CielDuMatin

    A Call to New Yorkers (State, that is)

    So this is a call out to poly folks living within the state of New York. For the past few years we have been running a forum to try to coordinate meetups in the state, and provide a discussion forum so that folks can get to know the members before the meet-ups. We have been quite successful...
  9. CielDuMatin

    Upstate and Central New York Get-Togethers - The Birdcage

    If you are looking for get-togethers in various parts of Upstate New York, may I suggest that you join our forum called the Birdcage? The link is at which provides all the details for signing up. We are now holding 2-3 dinner meet-ups in various parts of the state...
  10. CielDuMatin

    Southern Tier, NY Get-together, March 28th

    The Birdcage and the NYSouthernTierPoly Yahoo group will be holding a social get-together during the afternoon of March 28th in the Binghamton, NY area. For more details, please sign up to either the Birdcage at or the NYSTP group at...
  11. CielDuMatin

    The Birdcage: Syracuse, NY Dinner Get-Together - March 7th

    There will be a dinner get-together of poly and poly-interested folk in Syracuse, NY on Sunday, March 7th, 2010 coordinated through the Birdcage Forum. For those interested, please follow the link in my sig to join our group or PM me for more details.
  12. CielDuMatin

    World Polyamory Association Conference 2010 - California

    The World Polyamory Association, a Hawaii-based group, is holding its 7th annual conference in Harbin Hot Springs, California between June 25 and 27th. For more details see
  13. CielDuMatin


    I would just like to say how much I appreciate this forum. The open communications between all the disparate members is of great value to me. I have learned a lot, and wanted to say thanks to everyone.
  14. CielDuMatin

    Marginalization of young polys

    A comment was made in another thread that I really think deserves some sort of discussion. The statement was made that young polys are being marginalized, and that new communities (the TNG networks, ) are being formed to cater to this age group. So I guess the...
  15. CielDuMatin

    The Birdcage: Rochester Area Dinner Get-Together - January 21

    There will be a dinner get-together of poly and poly-interested folk in Victor, NY on Thursday, January 21, 2010 coordinated through the Birdcage Forum. For those interested, please follow the link in my sig to join our group or PM me for more details.
  16. CielDuMatin

    Activism - a positive impression

    Yesterday evening I had a nice encounter with an activist. She came to the door, and was looking for increasing awareness of an environmental issue (known as fracking, by the way). She was very polite, informative, and didn't talk down to me at all. When I told her that I don't tend to give...
  17. CielDuMatin

    How we can all help

    There are some for whom "big-A" activism isn't for them for whatever reason (some a question of real-world practicalities and others for whom that is not their "style"). It's easy to feel that we can't make a positive difference in our communities if we don't follow the big Activist Agenda...
  18. CielDuMatin

    My poly isn't your poly - so what?

    As on so many other discussion boards, the whole definition thing seems to come up with amazing regularity. Whether it is discussion of the differences between polyamory and swinging, what love is, and so on and so forth. I really don't want to open up those discussions again - there are...
  19. CielDuMatin

    Carrying burdens

    This isn't poly-related which is why I have chosen to post this here, but over the years I have struggled with how I should act towards people who I perceive have been a negative influence on my life. So I found this story summary today that I think seems to sum about a great deal of wisdom in...
  20. CielDuMatin

    Utica, NY Poly Meet-up

    There will be a meet-up of poly folks on Sunday, January 24, 2010. For those interested, please PM me, or join up with The Birdcage forum at for details and discussion.