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  1. CielDuMatin

    Imagine your ideal relationships.

    I have evolved (I think it's evolving) to the point where I would like someone who is in a happy relationship, but would embrace the idea of having another person in their lives. While the idea of a live-in is attractive in some ways I just don't think that it fits what I can offer in any good...
  2. CielDuMatin

    Redpepper's journey

    I would think that this stuff drains all the energy out of you - you try to do your best but it just keeps on coming, without a break. Very hard to deal with, and to do so (for me, at least) a good support structure is really helpful.
  3. CielDuMatin

    My evolving poly self

    Frankly, exhausted It's been a while since my last post. The amount of reaction I received from it is mirrored by the amount of success I have had in terms of finding someone. I have tried the online dating, I have reached out to my local poly folks... if there is someone out there with whom...
  4. CielDuMatin

    New to polyamory

    Welcome to the site! First, I want to put it out there that as far as I am concerned "normal" is over-rated, when it comes to anything that society says. You have to do what works for you, and the ones you love. You are going to have to work some things out around expectations at some point...
  5. CielDuMatin

    Infuriated by his Primary Partner. What to do?

    I tend to agree that it may well be just how you are reading this. If you put yourself in her shoes - it sounds like she is an introvert and maybe isn't a natural at keeping in touch with people, for whatever reason. You were regularly calling her, texting here, etc, and setting up things to...
  6. CielDuMatin

    Intro: Ciel Du Matin

    Thank you. Love the Maori! :-)
  7. CielDuMatin

    Intro: Ciel Du Matin

    Well, it was one break-up and the death of my father. Different kinds of loss. Thanks for the welcome, GG - nice to see some familiar names still around.
  8. CielDuMatin

    Intro: Ciel Du Matin

    Healing has been a long process. Been dealing with quite a bit of loss over the past couple of years. Combined with other stresses of life, work, etc, it has been difficult. All we can do is hope for the best and look forwards, with the fond memories of the past. Thanks for the welcome back...
  9. CielDuMatin

    My evolving poly self

    I have documented elsewhere my journey into poly and have been "doing poly" for over 20 years, now. I the beginning I was fumbling - didn't know what I wanted, didn't know what to do in order to "do it right". I hurt some people that I cared about during that initial period. Then I (and my...
  10. CielDuMatin

    Have you lost anything from being poly?

    I lost a great deal of baggage once I realised who I truly was and stopped trying to be what I perceived society wanted me to be. That was a massive load off my mind. I lost some of my inhibitions, too - it opened up my mind to people that I had previously dismissed as "just strange" without...
  11. CielDuMatin

    Intro: Ciel Du Matin

    Back after an absence Well, it's been a while, but I am back. I had to take some time to deal with a lot of different competing priorities in life, and stepping away from the poly community was one that had to go, I'm afraid. My oso of 6 years and I split up about a year ago, now, which was...
  12. CielDuMatin

    Eastern PAers Looking for Poly Advice (and not if "poly wants a cracker" or not!)

    Have you looked to see if there are any poly groups in the area? it might mean a little travel, but you may at least meet a few like-minded people that way.
  13. CielDuMatin

    My wife isn't poly, my friend isn't poly...but I love both. Poly?

    It is perfectly possible for you to be poly and in a relationship with two people who are mono - there are many examples out there of so-called "mono/poly" relationships. I know, because I am in one. They take more work, but *can* work - my relationship configuration has been stable, now, for...
  14. CielDuMatin

    Trashtalking by partners and potential partners: What are your rules and tolerances?

    "Trashtalking" can mean different things to different people. General bad-mouthing (along the "selfish bitch" line) is not tolerated at all - warnings will go out, and actions taken if they are not heeded. Criticisms of someone's behaviour will often make me insist that it is said to their...
  15. CielDuMatin

    New to the forum with lots of questions, concerns and more about relationship!!

    I agree with Kevin - you need to all get to the bottom of why there are the issues that you are seeing. Maybe get a better understanding of what you each want, and how things have changed over the time you have been together,
  16. CielDuMatin

    Done with the boring

    Chris, welcome to the forum. There is a fairly large group of poly folks in New York State, with an apparent concentration around Rochester and Syracuse. That may just be that others haven't come out of the woodwork yet! Good luck on this new phase of your life - I hope you find what you seek.
  17. CielDuMatin

    More than 1 primary?

    The terms "primary" and "secondary" in poly mean different things to different people - there have been long discussions on this board about that very subject. I think that rather than concerning yourself with labelling what it is or what it can be, you instead spend some time thinking about...
  18. CielDuMatin

    Experiences with FB or FWB only

    Unlike some of the other debates and discussion on here which are most definitely about semantics, I think that this goes well beyond word-choice or meanings of words - I firmly believe that trying to put agreements in place which try to limit or somehow control how someone feels in their heart...
  19. CielDuMatin

    Experiences with FB or FWB only

    For me it's really important to differentiate between a relationship that is naturally a FWB-type of thing and one where there is an imposed rule (usually set by a different relationship) that it's not allowed to progress beyond it.
  20. CielDuMatin

    Experiences with FB or FWB only

    Totally agree. I was guessing, and others too, each using our own filters and backgrounds. Would have been good to get some clarification, as I asked for in my initial answer. Various people come to poly with a lack of adequate vocabulary to express how they feel, or believe that there is...
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