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    Anarchy! (Um . . . Relationship Anarchy, that is.)

    I like relationship anarchy because it removes the expectation that I control things that I really have no control over. So for example, my rights and responsibilities (responsibilities that I have taken on gladly) begin and end with the relationship I'm in. My partner, The Philosopher, recently...
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    Anarchy! (Um . . . Relationship Anarchy, that is.)

    I've come to explain it this way: 1. Relationship anarchists look at all relationships - romantic, sexual, non-sexual, friendships, platonic (whatever description you want to put in here) as equally important and unique. They do not elevate a romantic relationship above any other relationship...
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    Relationship Anarchy

    Perhaps some RAs include a lack of obligation. I do shun the preconceived default societal expectations that go along with certain relationship types - such as th assumption that we all want to ride the relationship escalator. Agreements need to be made on an individual basis. Me? I would say...
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    Relationship Anarchy

    After I started this thread, and read through the earlier thread to which I was directed, I had yet another chance to explain the concept. Here's my interpretation - or how I apply the general concept: RA in a nutshell: 1. Relationship anarchists look at all relationships - romantic, sexual...
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    Anarchy! (Um . . . Relationship Anarchy, that is.)

    Glad to meet a kindred spirit, Karen! As for safe sex, we trust one another to confide any issues that were to affect health. But we would each do this because it is the ethical thing to do, not because of a rule. As for compersion, MusicalRose, we both experience it, and so not telling is...
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    Anarchy! (Um . . . Relationship Anarchy, that is.)

    Re: the question of cheating. What if the relationship were set up so there was no way to cheat? What do I mean? The Philosopher came to me one day and said, "I've always viewed the idea of trust as requiring full disclosure. But if I truly trust you, why would I require full disclosure? I...
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    Relationship Anarchy

    Thanks nyecindie and hyperskeptic! Going to check out the other thread.
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    Compulsory Compersion

    While I do experience compression - to me, it's the same as being happy for any reason someone I care about is happy: a good day at work, hearing from an old buddy, etc. - not everyone experiences joy for their partner in those circumstances either. I expect that it has to more with temperament...
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    Relationship Anarchy

    Astute observation about the word anarchy. I, too, had that reaction initially. I had seen the terminology, and had not bothered to look it up because of a negative emotional reaction. The problem I am finding about any descriptor - open relationship, polyamory, much less relationship anarchy...
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    Relationship Anarchy

    It's been awhile since I've inhabited the forum. Ive been sorting myself out so to speak. Quick synopsis: I was part of a very short term triad with a couple (philosopher and his now ex-wife) turned vee, which quickly dissolved (I won't bore you with the details.) a year after I left, their...
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    My situation

    Given the fact that her last two marriages met their demise due to her inability to be monogamous, I would have serious doubts that she will be able to do it now. And again, I have serious issues with people ask things of others that they are unwilling to do themselves.
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    Hopping off the train before it wrecks, but I'm devastated

    I am always horrified when one urges his or her lover to dump another deeply loved partner. Why don't they just ask you to cut off an arm? That is not loving behavior.
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    Unequal relationships / hierarchies (proportion instead of equality)

    Abstract concepts don't always translate perfectly to real life. What is important to consider is that all relationships will have different characteristics - different levels of entanglement (kids, finances, etc), different lengths of time, different joint interests, etc, but every person...
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    Curious

    Keep reading - and posting. You might start a thread about resources. There are books many have found helpful and informational websites. Unfortunately, I do not have them at my fingertips, or I'd offer them now.
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    Pregnant and abandoned..

    I am sorry to say this because I know you feel like you have been hurting forever, but a month isn't very long. :( Your logic and intellect are your biggest allies. Focus on what your therapist is telling you about his personality disorder. In the case of my poly family break up, narcissistic...
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    Pregnant and abandoned..

    Since husband #2, knows about the baby, but refuses to communicate, it's probably wise for you and husband #1 (I use 1 and 2 for distinction; not to indicate priority) to prepare for your life and your baby without him. It's hard to guess why he is refusing to engage as it appears there could be...
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    Trust My Metamour?

    LovelyLady, you will never know the truth - even if she comes back and says it never happened, you won't know the truth because she has proven to be dishonest. Regardless, NONE of it was within your control in any case. It is not your relationship. You were not consulted. So I recommend the...
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    Curious

    "Each day I struggle with this because I don't like there to be secrets between us or fears." You have kind of answered your own question. Couldn't you bring it up and say you feel like it needs to be discussed, but you are concerned he will think _____, but that is not the case.
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    Need advice re poly primary issues

    You have posed some excellent questions and concerns. IMHO, you need to ask him specifically what the co-primary status means in regard to your relationship in concrete terms. I mean if he is using the term to indicate her importance to him, but it would change none of the aforementioned...
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    Trust My Metamour?

    LovelyLady, I, too, would interpret stopping birth control without notification as deceptive. I will say that given her previous statements about wanting a baby with your husband, that it isn't a surprise. Glad he has wised up enough to start using condoms. Does he now understand why you have...
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