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    One relationship breaks up while the other breaks down

    Poly The thing with poly is that it is MORE. More, amplified joys when it lands that way. And more amplified lows when it lands that way. Or mixed salad -- one parter great, one partner low. Sometimes it feels like emotional edge play. So I sympathize. The low times are not fun...
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    Asking people out as a married person...

    "Hi Potential. I think you are really neat and I'd love to get to know you better and if you are up for it ask you out on a date sometime. You need to know up front that I am in an open marriage and practice polyamory. My spouse knows, and consents. There's nothing hinky here. I also know this...
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    What are the consequences of broken rules?

    Glad to see you again. Kinda concerned you are maybe dealing with depression? With some bright spots here and there but mostly depressed? Have you been checked for that? It's ok to miss that. If that's a want? You have to do the work of dating to find that again. And (I want to be in a V...
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    Still learning to ride the wave

    People are free to arrange themselves as they wish. But to me? Joe expecting you to be polyfidelitous or "closed" to just him and P while he goes off dating on his side? That's not cool. It's different if all have the option to date others and YOU don't feel like using the option on your side...
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    Still learning to ride the wave

    Since you wanted feedback.... Since you, J, and P are now in a poly V, isn't it already open on all sides? Where all of you can see other people? If not... What other conversation is missing that you still have to have about him being physical with people? So it can get to "Ok, it's open for...
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    GalaGirl: Conversations Already in Progress.

    CALM I had to put Spark on "unfollow friend" on Facebook. She continues with the vitriol and I don't like it coming out over my feed at random. I haven't seen her since the Weird Lunch but hear from other people she continues with the whooshy anger dumping. For my own mental health? I'm...
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    Needing help with a poly marriage

    Even if the best decision in the end, I'm sorry to hear you are dealing in break up grief, new lies from her and new mess. Who'd she end up with? Back with that Robert guy? It is ok to tell her you want to be just plain exes and not bother trying to be friends. I hope you are working with a...
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    open relationship issues wife keeps not sticking to rules

    What model are you and wife practicing? Open to sex fun only? This is a polyamory board. Not a reasonable or rational agreement. Red flag. But it sounds like she said ok, just to get to explore. Not because she meant it. Red flag. This is snooping. Red flag. And through this snooping...
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    Mentoring and Dating ENM Folks

    My opinion? Measured against my own personal ethics? No, thank you. I don't want any of that. I would not be into it for exactly that reason -- like teacher dating a student. It can create an unbalanced and unhealthy power dynamic. I'm not talking about healthy power exchange like kink. There...
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    Not getting along with partner's sister (sry for the length)

    I want to lift this up. So you remember it next time. He crossed a line. You practiced the pause. You did not just zoom off reacting. You took a time out. You thought about it. You practiced self soothing and starting writing down options. Since you could not solve it alone? You did...
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    GalaGirl: Conversations Already in Progress.

    Ooops! Forgot. The title of the book is "Listening and Caring Skills" by John Savage.
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    Openness and other personality traits (link to personality test in thread)

    Finally getting around to it... Openness 90% Conscientiousness 77% Extraversion 60% Agreeableness 75% Neuroticism 2%
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    GalaGirl: Conversations Already in Progress.

    LISTENING AND CARING SKILLS A lot of poly skills to me? Are really just regular life skills. Just that they become more important/noticed if missing when relating intensely with poly partners. Though I ultimately went in a different direction, for a time I wondered about a communications...
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    GalaGirl: Conversations Already in Progress.

    OCEAN A while ago there was this thread about personality traits. I remember doing it but not posting back then. I decided to do it again at https://www.truity.com/test/big-five-personality-test I'm sure current state of being affects test results, so I'm going to note that I'm feeling well...
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    Poly relationship that never was

    Yes. Sometimes people do that. Put it all on the newcomer whether or not it is really them. That sounds reasonable. Taking care of yourself post break up with A. And then with C? Taking it easy. And whatever newbie poly bumps, you both know it from the start going in that this is a poly...
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    Poly relationship that never was

    I'm sorry to hear about all this and that you've been struggling. FWIW... To me it sounds like it was easy to be "ok with poly" for A. Because in the 7 years with you, it was just abstract theory. Not in actual practice. Had she come into the relationship with you already partnered and her...
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    Another Mono in Polyland

    Yes. Subsuming yourself to a relationship, getting lost, losing your authentic self.... that price is too high. I'm glad you have learned things along the way that help you and are thinking about a new future. Wishing you well! GG
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    Another Mono in Polyland

    I'm sorry to hear about the break up. Even when the best decision, it's not like breakups are fun. I hope you over time you start to feel better and heal. GG
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    Not getting along with partner's sister (sry for the length)

    Green is yours. So do less work and let the chips fall where they may. Blue is their stuff. Pretend or not, the reality is that they consented to participate in a polyship. If they are coping right now by only thinking about certain parts? Fine. Cope. So do less work. Then they can adjust...
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    Not getting along with partner's sister (sry for the length)

    To me? You are all practicing polyamory together. You are the hinge in the middle of the V, they are the V "arms." You are having your hinge problems just as they probably have their meta problems. I imagine it is frustrating if you are a talker and want to talk more with your partners about...
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