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  1. vinsanity0

    How/when do you know what style of poly you want or need?

    Hi Arc, If you are not quite on board yet, I suggest holding off. A lot of couples with one semi-reluctant partner try to limit their relationships to FWB, or even something more casual. They think this will help them preserve their marriage. However, the goal shouldn't be to preserve the old...
  2. vinsanity0

    LDR Poly during COVID

    This sounds more like a business relationship problem than a romantic relationship problem. In my personal life I have found it difficult to mix the two. That is because we tend to put different expectations on our business partners when we have an emotional relationship with them. The music...
  3. vinsanity0

    Recovery from toxic metamour: advice to keep relationship going?

    No, what she is doing is giving her opinion on how to heal. How do you expect to heal without looking inward? I think we can all agree that C exhibited signs of manipulative narcissistic behavior. While J may not be narcissistic, he does show signs of manipulative behavior, which may or may not...
  4. vinsanity0

    Poly quad - unusual moral conundrum (one of the 4 is mid-divorce, a mutual friend let something slip not knowing I'm part of the group)

    I don't really see a moral dilemma here. She is going to find out he hired a lawyer. Might as well find out from you. As for your friends, maybe they should have kept their mouth shut. Obviously they don't care about betraying Bryan's trust.
  5. vinsanity0

    Stop The Vinsanity...

    No improvement, but it hasn't gotten any worse either. At this point I've pretty much adapted to it. It doesn't feel as weird as it did. Things with Pet are going fine, despite my problems. I've been spending a lot of time over there. In poly news, the OKC woman left me a message. She said...
  6. vinsanity0

    Partner wants to continue talking to a narcissist...

    Assuming you are correct about Lynn being a narcissist... First off, Jane and Lynn didn't talk through anything. Jane was manipulated. I think you've done enough research to know the only way to get a narcissist out of your life is to go zero contact, forever. I agree with you that Jane is just...
  7. vinsanity0


    You had sex with another guy for years? Was that because hubby wasn't enough for you? And hubby never had an opportunity to explore sex with someone else, not because he didn't want to, but because you couldn't handle it? While sex shouldn't be a scorecard, I can see how he feels the situation...
  8. vinsanity0

    Poly or avoidance?

    But do you actually insist on it or just enjoy it? I see the control issue as more prevalent with newish people.
  9. vinsanity0

    So I guess I'm a Unicorn?

    Well she's a sub so maybe that's part of it. Certainly something that would need to be negotiated.
  10. vinsanity0

    So I guess I'm a Unicorn?

    Welcome to the forums. I've never been in your position so I can't give you experienced advice. There are probably two things I would do. One is I would try to tell each one I didn't want to be put in the middle of a disagreement. The second is I would keep anything said to me to myself. The way...
  11. vinsanity0

    Forum upgraded - report issues in here

    Also the bell icon shows you Alerts that someone posted in a thread you posted in. I also found that once I caught up on a thread hitting New posts, then thread title does take me to the newest post in that thread.
  12. vinsanity0

    Forum upgraded - report issues in here

    I noticed that the first time I click on a thread I had been following on the old board, like a blog, it does go to the first post of the blog. But there is a button on top of the thread that says "Jump to newest post". That takes me to the first unread post in that thread, even if that first...
  13. vinsanity0

    Jelousy about social media

    I agree with you that a lot of media and advertising is about objectification. That being said, just because we appreciate looking at different people or things, it doesn't mean we don't appreciate what we have. I can't imagine anyone leaving their partner for a pop star. Your feelings stem...
  14. vinsanity0

    Forum upgraded - report issues in here

    New Posts are latest unread posts.
  15. vinsanity0

    Parallel Poly Ups & Downs

    If you hit the reply on the post you want to quote it quotes it automatically.
  16. vinsanity0

    Poly Island

    I think you'd be surprised how many New Yorkers down here are racist republicans.
  17. vinsanity0

    New member in a deep mess

    Sorry this is happening. There's a lot going on here. That someone could live a lie for that long says a lot about their character, and it's not anything good. Personally, I'm not sure I could trust a person like that again. Your partner's willingness to keep going forward is predicated on her...
  18. vinsanity0

    Poly or avoidance?

    It does sound like you are positioning yourself, whether consciously or not, to try and become a primary or something. There is no need for clarity of your partner's other relationships beyond knowing they are being conducted ethically. What you need clarity on is whether or not he can give you...
  19. vinsanity0

    Poly or avoidance?

    Why do you assume Jane does not meet his needs? Because he has other relationships? That's typical mono thinking on your part. For me, there's no concept of "enough" in that way. I don't date other people because my one partner isn't enough. As I recall, you were in a marriage where the two of...
  20. vinsanity0

    Dealing with Jealousy with new metamour

    Time. All your feelings are normal. It sounds like you are addressing them logically. This is all new to you and you are fighting against your "programming". Eventually you will get used to your new relationship.